My dad's mother was mentally ill. I found that out when I found out he had a sister--but not the two sisters I grew up thinking he had. They were step-sisters, daughters of the second wife, step-mother Julia.

Real sister Hyacinth pushed into my life just as I was giving my folks a big 50th Anniversary party. She became the party. She HATED her father, my grandfather, whom I adored & mourned still after his death when I was 8.

My dad hated his mom.

NO ONE would tell me anything about her. Not even her name.

Last night, on the internet, I finally found my dad's birth certificate.

Please allow you to introduce you to Catharine Jones, my grandmother.

Why do families keep secrets, anyway? How much damage does it do?

[Mari]

Dear BlueCarGal,

Wow. Great job on getting a hold of the birth certificate

My father's family had some weirdness. My paternal grandfather was "married" twice -- had two sets of kids. He drove off the first wife. No one spoke to her until 40+ years later



Catherine Jones is a beautiful name.
Let's honor our mothers, aunts, and grandmothers.

M

[bizi]

I am happy for you blue car gal.
bizi

[Just Jacquie]

Wow, that's some good detective work, congrats! Years ago, people would be mentally ill, but all we were ever told about them is that they were 'weird, egocentric, off-beat', etc. Funny, how times change...

[DiMarie]

Blue girl
If you look for her soc sec no, it will have HER parents name and where she was born.

I started doing genology years ago and have 900 family members. Most on my maternal grand mothers side.
Some of the grand fathers side, When I was out at Penn State campus letting my younger dd look at exhibits of rocks and butterflies there I had an incident.

I was in the area of Clinton Co. doing research on the great, grandfather's parents. They were buried in Clinton Co. But leaved near Penn State as did some of the offspring.

Well, when we arrived at the campus I went to the information area for a map to buildings we wanted to visit. The woman looked at me and said, did you find everything you were looking for..... I said back, I just got here and walked into the building. She argued back in a nice way, you were in here an hr ago looking for information and I gave you the directions...

Again, I said, well it wasn't me because I did just drive up here. She was so funny like seeing a ghost and told me, she just wished I had been an hr earlier as this woman was my twin. I told her, well I am in the area doing geneology research and perhaps it was a relative.
Wish I had found the lady...
But, finding out about family, especially the secrets, or lost information to who like whom, and hated the other, fueds how they started, etc.

I had two sets of relatives, grandmother and grand father had two of their siblings marry each other. Grandma's brother to grandpa's sis. Then Grandma' second marriage'; my sister married the nephew...
My bil was his own cousin, and his uncle his step grandfather too.

My mom's dad & one of his 4 brothers married sisters, and the other sister quit speaking to the sister who was my grandmother a few years after the 2nd wedding. Everyone claimed to know not why. When I asked her why, she said because she'd rather talk to her parrot.

The more I find out about my family, the stranger they seem, but I'm addicted.

[bizi]

there are a lot of unstable people who walk among us...untreated and possibly a danger to themselves or others.
At least we are getting the help we need and taking responsibility for ourselves.
bizi

[Mari]

Bizi,

My great grandfather with two "wives" was stable. That whole side of the family is stable. He was probably mean and stubborn in his younger years.
M.

[BlueMajo]

This is a hard topic for me... I mean, it helps me a the same time because it makes me think all families have secrets and, most important... that all us are human and make mistakes...

BIG SECRET IS OUT:

I know that my father has 2 other "kids"... not with mom, to whom he is married...

It was shocking when I found out... to be honest I think that contributed to all my health problems... triggering me stuff you know...

He doesnt know I know... But those guys know I exist and I think they know I know... they tried to contact me on fb and I was like No way. I blocked them without saying anything. I dont have any intention on contacting them. NEVER.

We have to be prepared to say NO. You did what you had to do.
I may arrive at that point.
And a few generations on, someone may be uncovering my name on the internet & saying, "Eureaka!"

But better on the internet than face-to-face maybe.

We do what we can, & what we must. TWO great motivators.

I am sorry, though, Blue, for the pain you must feel. Sometimes life just sucks.