Mari, Bizi & Majo -- please also see my reply post to you on previous page... heck darn this page hopping trickery...


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Well, well. Here i am at 4.30 am.

i couldn't sleep. ended up i cried and cried. then i got up and had tea. now i am on second cup.

i had a horrible day today and yesterday. i have been trying to help with stuff in spite of the migraines and virus since both were well controlled, but it's still been hard. the virus gained the upper hand again today. i increased the echinacea again, but now we'll have to see. i reduced it too soon. heck darn fiddlesticks and poo!

tonight my mother said something about taking in the computer for repair. i had asked her to wait until i felt better, so i could help with prepping it. i will feel guilty not helping but i am really spent. i feel damned if i do and damned if i don't.

today so much tension with my parents. and fighting, and noise and just negative energy... ughhh. sometimes i lash out and then feel really bad about it. thing is, i absorb negative energy. then it overwhelms me and i blow up. i am trying to learn self control - how to perceive whether it is on the outside or the inside. if it is outside, to just observe it, not absorb it or process it. just know it is not mine and leave it where it is... like...

- SHIELDS UP!
- EVASIVE MANEUVERS!

right now i am mixing it all up with my own emotions. it is horrible and sometimes very confusing.

~ waves ~