[bizi]

I thought I would make you a new thread so you/we could keep track of your posts better.

Hello,
My name is Carol. I am a mother of a son who has bipolar, refuses to take meds. He is not living at home, but he is also a drug addict, alchol (sp) sorry user, and a thief. He stole $3800. from me then only to find out one day later he had gotten fired from his job...for...stealing. Oh, I forgot to tell you he is also a casino addict. The saddest part is is how smart he is...it is unbelieveable how smart he is if he would apply himself, but I belueve he is too sick to do anything right. Not an excuse but the reason. I am trying to find the strength to find my way thru this...do I let the law handle it? The medical system won't let me commit him and if he was threat to himself it would only be a 92 hr hold. Wow....I am his mother I am suspose to prtecthim...and yet the cycle keeps on going....I guess this is where the tough love comes in ..huh? I am a ACOA Adult Child of Alcholics x 2 both of my parents were. I am semi normal lol I have alot of issues of my own but all i want is my son to get well and yet afraid to make the wrong decision...what if he is in jail and gets victimized? Could I ever forgive myself..I doupt it. I don't know who needs help more me or him....I'm grasping for straws... grasping to stay alive because at this point to not be able to feel anything would be such a welcome.....tks for listening I've probley already said more than I should have. aka totallylost

YOu are definately in a new to show some tough love. How old is your son? is he married?Have a job? friends?
One of the first bits of advice I can give you is to see a therapist for additional support if you don't already have one.
secondly...just my opinion he has many problems going on and has shown criminal activity and maybe some jail time would wake him up.
I think people should have to pay the consequences of bad behavior. manic or not. it helps to explain bad behavior but the individual still has to come clean and can only do that if they want to get better, see themselves in true light.
This may not be possible if he is truly manic then a 72 hour hold might be long enough to get some meds in him. but after that unless he is a minor you can't make him do anything. You will need to set up some boundaries for what behavior you are willing to accept, you may not be around him only phone contact, but then again he may be living with you...don't know.
anyway please get some help If you bail him out you enable bad behavior.
It is not your fault he is sick, you can't make him want to get better he has to want to get better...
I wish you much luck with your son.
bizi

[Dmom3005]

Bizi

Is so right, I would say. Please give it a real hard try at giving him
a rough Tough love.

Its going to do you much more good too do that. I would just keep
working on this.

I'm wondering, what did his boss do about the money he stole from them?
Are they going to press charges? Or did they just let him go, and not do
anything. If they did he got lucky.


Please whether you press charges on him. Don't let him close to your
money again. You need to protect your self some how.

Donna

[mymorgy]

I would try to contact some advocate mental health place and explain your problem to them and acknowledge he is beyond your help even though you love him dearly. I would warn them he is extremely smart and he is a difficult case. He really sounds as if he needs to be put into a strict problem until he gains some insight into the trouble he is creating for himself and how you can't bail him out. I know it is very painful to realize you can't help him but you can help him by seeking help for him from people who are experienced and don't carry the emotional feelings you have for him
bobby

[waves]

Hi Carol, this was posted to you in another thread by Ginnie. i figured i'd copy it to your thread as well, so you have everything in one place.

Originally Posted by ginnie

I do know what you are going through with your son. Though mine is different circumstances, it is equally hard being a mother. I don't know how to help my son eithor. He is 37 and in the worst possible depression. I don't know why this happened to him eithor. When we are parents of troubled children it effects our lives so very much. My hands are tied, as even committing him for 92 hours isn't going to do very much in the way of breaking this cycle of horrors. It sounds like you are having much trouble with emotional issues, drinking issues etc. I am so sorry you and I have to go through this, and stand by and watch our children not be happy and well adjusted. Every waking hour I have, I wonder what I can do. I imagin you do the same, and question everything you did too. I wish there were answers for the both of us, regarding how to help our adult children. I will keep you in my thoughts Carol, because I do know what it is like to have this kind of trouble. I hope your son and my son can find their way back to life and be fulfilled. ginnie