R.E.M is a great band, glad that you discovered them! A simple joy to experience them, thanks goodness for you tube!
bizi

I do know what you are going through with your son. Though mine is different circumstances, it is equally hard being a mother. I don't know how to help my son eithor. He is 37 and in the worst possible depression. I don't know why this happened to him eithor. When we are parents of troubled children it effects our lives so very much. My hands are tied, as even committing him for 92 hours isn't going to do very much in the way of breaking this cycle of horrors. It sounds like you are having much trouble with emotional issues, drinking issues etc. I am so sorry you and I have to go through this, and stand by and watch our children not be happy and well adjusted. Every waking hour I have, I wonder what I can do. I imagin you do the same, and question everything you did too. I wish there were answers for the both of us, regarding how to help our adult children. I will keep you in my thoughts Carol, because I do know what it is like to have this kind of trouble. I hope your son and my son can find their way back to life and be fulfilled. ginnie

Dear Ginnie,

Bizi started a thread for TotallyLost (aka Carol) to keep things together for her. Here is the link to the thread:

Dear TotallyLost

i hope it's ok that i copied/quoted your post into that thread. it has your name in it... it is clear that it is not from me. but if you prefer, you can repost to Carol's thread yourself, and i'll delete my post with the quote. let me know if you want me to do that.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

sure it is OK to move post for carol. I don't mind at all. I am glad you are here to help us keep this straight for the posts. thanks ginnie

Dear Bobby,

I am happy that pudge takes good care of you.

I am not doing one darn thing for the holidays. Oh I will have to give cards with a little money for the two secretaries at work. Sometimes I get around to sending my god mother a Christmas card by New Year's.

I am more stressed by Dec, Jan, and Feb weather. I want everything to always and everytime be the same. Mid July works for me. We have heat and rain. Then more the next day. Everyone knows what to expect.

I think not getting much sleep makes me even more sensitive than I am already.


You are doing great with your food plan and with going to the center. REM has lots of stuff we can listen to on youtube. I love the internet.

You are good Bobby. The people you touch feel better because of you.

M

i don't know what is wrong with me. for the last few days i have been feeling so empty and depressed. it is awful. i don't know how to pull out of it. my closest friend has a real problem and i was listening to it last night. that sunk me lower but i told her to keep talking. it is a very scary problem over which she has no control. another friend called but the call kept breaking up. she was upset because her brother bought her a notebook or tablet but got her an email. she was upset about the email. maybe it was good that the phone kept breaking up. i told her she could always get another email. i was really bad. I ordered a lot of licorice from vitacost. i guess the licorice was for my feelings of emptiness but i really be unhappy when i gain weight. i am also tired of drinking chicken soup at night but i don't know what else to have.
I keep on thinking of death. I don't know what has triggered these empty feelings.
the hurricane season is over right? that should be a relief. how much vacation will you get for christmas? I hope a lot. this time can you just do nothing.
last night i listen to a lot of r.e.m. on youtube mix.
i forced myself to listen.
bobby

Dear Bobby, I am sorry that you have been thinking of death lately. Do you think about killing yourself or just what it would be like to be dead. Does this happen alot for you? Maybe a call to see Dr. M would be in order, I forget , do you have a therapist?
I hate to think you are suffering.
love bizi

I have a therapist and I can't call Dr.M. I think of death as a release from all my fears which overwhelm me but I am afraid to kill myself because I think it is a sin and i believe there is no exit. I am also afraid of death.
on sunday i called my friend and left a message on her machine. she didn't call me back so yesterday i was really worried so i wrote her a brief message asking if she was busy and told her i was worried. she called me within the hour. that colored my life so much. i can't take things in stride. i blame it on my bipolar and my generalized anxiety disorder. for a long time i have had no energy which might be the result of my depression. it is a rotten way to live.
i didn't go to the senior center so far this week. i hope to go today to sign up for the xmas party. i have to get there early because today and tomorrow they are only allowing 70 people to sign up each day.
I lost a couple of pounds that i had gained. I have a couple of more to lose. that also depressed me. I felt i was accomplishing something when i was losing weight and then when i started gaining weight i felt so awful and out of control.
On the positive side, i enjoyed the class I take on the phone. The fellow said we all have angels and God is always with us and helping us but there is evil and we have to stand up to it. I become very alert when I have the class and seem very interested and alive. My universe has gotten very tiny.
bobby

I am glad that you have the class and am hoping that you can make it to the center, that way you are not so isolated. congratulations on losing the couple of pounds!!!!! way to go!!!!!
love bizi

Dear Bobby

i am sorry to hear you struggling so much. i hear your sadness. i know what you mean about the universe feeling like it has gotten tiny - i feel that way too. i used to reach out so much more, now i am afraid to reach but also there is little i really want to reach for. i have gone from being an energetic, dynamic, smart, creative person to someone who is just there and doesn't even want to be.

thoughts of death can be part of depression but i am reassured that you feel fear of death and also have a moral position on suicide. the first - fear of death is part of the life instinct, so it is a healthy thing. morals are personal of course, but in this case, i am just glad because your beliefs will help keep you safe. i treasure you, and i want you safe.

it is hard to take things in stride. we are more sensitive than ordinary people. i cannot take things in stride either. when we are depressed we are even more vulnerable and it is harder still to take things. and remember depression causes us to weigh any failure or shortcoming on our part as greater than our accomplishments, in spite of how hard those might be to come by.

so, especially with that in mind, congratulations on losing those couple pounds!!! and congratulate yourself! it is a big accomplishment. and gaining back a little was only a small setback - it is much harder to lose than to gain!!!! well done!!!

i hope you manage to get on the list for the Christmas party. i am glad you are going to try. let us know how that goes.

the class sounds great... that is an accomplishment too - it is interaction, do try not to diminish it in your mind. it also sounds like it perks you up for a little while... it is good for you. i am glad you are doing that.

love

~ waves ~