[OhKay]

I'm sorry I went MIA AGAIN. I struggle to get the basics done and everything else seems to fall by the wayside.

A couple of months ago my lithium was reduced from 450 to 300mg twice a day because my levels were too high. I tried to tell pdoc that my levels get too low on 300s and I don't do well on that dose, but she didn't heed my warning.

So, I ended up with increasingly mixed mood, predominantly depression. Saw pdoc last month and told her, but she didn't think a med change was in order.

I ended up with endlessly circulating unpleasant thoughts and memories leading to worse memories, and increasingly intense and more frequent s/s thoughts. I don't think the hypo/manic symptoms are as relevant.

I'm safe right now, so please don't get too alarmed...
But I almost slit my wrists after shaving my armpits in the shower last week. Thank God I dropped the razor, saw imaginary blood in the drain and thought of my husband finding me.
That was the most intense urge I've ever had. The scary part is I've had a long standing plan that I ruminate about at times (I won't keep any ingredients in the house), but this was an impulse to use whatever was at hand.

I called pdoc's office the next day (on vacation and so is tdoc) to awkwardly tell the secretary why I needed an appointment. But I ended up seeing a psychiatrist for an hour and a half. She was focused on the holidays- I had difficulty trying to tell her that it's WAY more than that....

At least she called for my recent lithium levels on the 300s which were way too low. Now I've been on 300mgs in the morning and 450 at night since Thursday. I haven't had another incident like the one in the shower, but not much has improved. I don't see my pdoc until Jan 9, tdoc on Jan 6th.

I think I'm going to have to go there again- maybe tomorrow to see if they can help me more and SOONER. I'm definitely not out of the woods yet. At this point, I'd consider voluntarily committing myself.

[waves]

Dear Kay

i've been thinking about you and missing you.

i'm sorry to hear you had such a dreadful experience, and have been feeling so topsyturvy in general. i hope the doctor(s) are more responsive, and that the increase in lithium might provide a still greater improvement with a bit more time.

as usual you do seem on top of things, thank goodness.

it is true the holidays create a lot of pressure but if other shoes fit for pete's sake, they need to listen to you. i hate when doctors get on their "one size fits all" track...

sending love and wishing for you to feel much better soon.

~ waves ~

[bizi]

hi kay I am out of town for a while...miss you

[Mari]

Originally Posted by OhKay

I'm definitely not out of the woods yet. At this point, I'd consider voluntarily committing myself.

Dear Kay,
I hope you can get into the pdoc Tuesday.

The pdoc's raising the lithium was helpful, but not enough.
It will take a few more days to a week from now for you to feel the benefits of the new dose. Ask the pdoc to give you an additional med to help you now through the transition.

If you go in-patient, you will be safe.
I am glad to know that you are taking control of your treatment.


M

[Dmom3005]

Kay

Glad to see you are okay for now. Thankful you took care to get in.

Please keep us updated.

donna

[waves]

Dear Kay

please do let us know whether you were/are able to see the doc again, and either way, how you are doing. i am concerned and i don't doubt several of us are.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

[BlueMajo]

Kay !!!!!

I have missed you lots !!! I find (like many) this season to be particularly difficult and it really affects my mood, feelings, memories, etc...

Please come talk to us.... we are here for you.

[OhKay]

Thank you all!!!

I'm doing a little better- no longer thinking about institutionalizing myself. The lithium increase is probably helping now. Still don't think I'm out of the woods yet, but haven't felt like an "emergency visit" to a pdoc is necessary.

I've been shaving my pits with an electric pos razor to be safe, but I need to go back to the old once because the other one is such a pos that I may as well just not bother.

Thank you for your support! I've missed you guys, too!
I'll keep you updated.

Kay

[waves]

Dear Kay

thanks for the update and i'm so glad and relieved that you are feeling somewhat better. not feeling emergency-like is a good improvement, even if you have more road ahead to feel right.

i look forward to more updates, and meanwhile send you good vibes and (((hugs)))

~ waves ~

[Mari]

Dear Kay,
Thanks for the update. I hope you continue to do better.

M