Dear Donna and Ginnie,

perhaps it would have been better had i not tried to explain about this situation, because there is no way i can. what i posted in answer to Bobby, about the reason for the melancholy, were just tidbits on email - it by far does not capture the big picture.

that makes it rather hard for others to make inferences of any sort. i am not really seeking advice on what to do or what is objectively happening. i guess i feel more desperate for comfort, as i go through a sense of loss and isolation (real or not) and for that, i do appreciate both of you reaching out to me. :hug::hug::hug:

fwiw, i will say my friend did not sound more or less distant than usual. perhaps a little more direct saying they were not ignoring me. that surprised me. the reply surprised me too. i was fearful sending it for fear of not getting anything back.

i will add, too, that this person has had more than their share of hardships, bad depression, and other general life crud that continues to make their life difficult. when one is overwhelmed, i can see dropping the ball on email. i do it myself all too frequently. i've been doing it lately... i'm doing it now... :o:(

~ waves ~

nostalgia for faraway friends / effect of depression on social ties
 

Hi everyone.

so moving along.....

this has got me thinking about how i am losing all my RL friends. i feel like the only way to save the friendships would be yearly visits to the US. if i had anywhere near a normal income, i would do that... in fact, i probably would have transferred back, but that too takes $$$ every thing takes money.... even maintaining friends, it seems :( (even by internet).

But, I digress. One related thought i had...

Early this month, i started feeling like the depression was lifting a bit -more energy, less anxiety. However, still no motivation, much apathy, much guilt and lack of confidence. so, i am somewhat wondering if the depression is still coloring my outlook on many things, not just this situation. it is not hard to project rejection if one already expects it. moodwise, unless i am made to laugh by something specific, inside, i feel sooo sad and small.

ideas? do you think maybe the depression is still undermining my perceptions and focus? yes, no, maybe, any other ideas?

thank you, my friends, for being here with me. :grouphug:

~ waves ~

yes waves I think it is effecting you...sure sounds like it is.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Dear Waves, :hug: :hug: :hug:

I have lots of hugs for you and I would send all the comfort I could.

Feel that we are with you. :grouphug:

Mari

Yes.
 

Waves, :Heart: :Heart: :Heart:
Yes. Depression can color outlook, ability to cope, feelings of worth, . . It is a dark monster with lots of tentacles.

Remember, there is nothing wrong with you except that you have bipolar. Right now you have depression that is saying dispiriting things to your brain.

I send a flower: http://bestsmileys.com/flowers/2.gif

M

Waves

Just hugs, and thoughts.


Today is another day, is all I want to say.:grouphug:

how are you feeling?
love
bobby

waves, I am sorry you are still going thru a tough time...And yes, it sounds to me that depression is certainly coloring your feelings/perception of things and events. :hug: Sounds like you are having a difficult time working thru it all. You are certainly not as you describe yourself [my life is that of a total bum/loser], you have a great deal to offer, and you have helped out more than a few folks here on this board with your thoughtful and sage advice. As far as your 'snow disappointment' goes, so far this winter, I have been disappointed time after time myself... :( . Oh, how I would LOVE one good snowfall. I would love to see our property covered in a thick blanket of snow, but it just seems that Mother Nature has other ideas :(. Then, of course, there's the fact that we went a bought a brand new, two stage snow thrower, and it still sits in the box...We could've spent that money for many other things that we could actually be USING :rolleyes: . I really dislike rainy days in the winter, and that's all we've had so far....

About your firend, I've had similar situations many times, and sometimes it just seems that you grow apart, don't have much in common anymore, and it's hard to base a friendship solely on past experiences, at least that's been my feelings on the matter.

I hope that you can figure out the best way for you to proceed. Sometimes, doing nothing makes the most sense, unfortunately.

Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be the right decision for YOU!

XOXO {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Dear Waves,
:heartthrob:
I am hopping that you can pull through this bad spot and get to a better spot.

M

Dear Bobby...

i am still feeling yucko. you were right too, before when you said about withdrawing because you don't feel you have anything positive to say. whenever i think about trying to get back in touch with someone i haven't heard from in a long while, the last thing i want to do is report that i'm unemployed and ill. :( and i decide to wait till i'm in a "better place" which this past decade hasn't been often. i swear most of the times i have taken initiative to socialize here, i was manic. that doesn't help either because in certain cases it "confuses" the relationship.... erhmmm.

i think i gained a couple of pounds. and no zyprexa this time. not sure what it is. maybe the season. i hate scales. don't you hate scales? :rolleyes::cool:

love

~ waves ~