Dear Jacquie,

thank you for your feedback, as well as all your kind words and reminders that i'm not worthless.

as for my friend i will write back... not sure what yet... will play it by ear. right now, i am sort of blocked... i can't seem to write ANY email right now... it's ok, if things are really ok with us, he will understand. if i keep feeling blocked i might just send a short note saying i'm not well and misunderstood things, and will write again.

he is one of the few people ever in my life i could be in the same room with, and not feel alone, but not have to talk. not to say we didn't ever talk, but comfort in silence is rare and precious. perhaps to him it was commonplace, now that i don't know. anyway, it might not matter that it has been years since we last emailed. it had been years before the last exchange. in that sense my depression may be making a mountain out of a molehill.

there is truth in that i am losing a lot of friendships. that is because of the distance, and it can't be helped. i am going to have to swallow that. there are a handful of people i never want to lose touch with, is all.

my friendships here have gone to Hades in a handbasket also... decline pretty much started when i left work. and these were "less close" friends than those back in the US, so... not as tight... easier to lose even if more accessible.

-----------------

well guess what, it is finally snowing for real! lightly, but constantly, and its dry stuff. yesterday it half melted even though they keep promising polar temps in the night, yearright. it is still snowing and there is a thicker layer down today... hoping the temps will stay down enough to preserve it.

snow is fun (unless travelling).
slush is gross (especially when travelling on foot)!

here's wishing you guys a nice sprinkling of snow before the season's out also!!! :)

~ waves ~

thank you Mari. :hug::hug::hug: :)

i am thinking of trying to move forward on certain fronts... being a bit stronger, in some ways, capitalize on those before another dive into total despair. shift focus from the social stuff ... not useful right now, especially since money plays. refocus on training/earning.

The Zoloft has helped enough on some fronts anyway, that now it is my turn to try to help it help me more, and create a virtuous cycle out of this bad spot.

~ waves ~

Always here, if, you need to talk!............................................. .
 

Waves ,

Phyllis :You-Rock::Heart::hug:

Dear Phyllis

thank you!!! :) so do you!

(((:heartthrob: hugs :heartthrob:)))

~ waves ~

Dear Waves,
'Wishing you the right amount of the right amount of snow today.
I have a friend from second grade who broke up with me about 7 years ago. I was in her city and wanted to see her while I was there. She said no. I was sad.

Within the past two years perhaps she wrote to me with a friendly update letter. She asked how I was doing. I could not say much except I did not feel like writing. I felt horrible about that but I could not pull together even a short friendly update: Work was really bad. I was not sleeping. I was depressed. Hubby and I are together and that is about it. Even if I did have the strength to write that out, I did not feel like being private with her.
I think that I will reconnect again with her at some other point in our lives.



I am not comparing my situation to yours. I recognize that the two are different.

M

it is very good to hear from you. i worry. yes i hate scales when they don't go in the down direction. i can almost magically know what they will say now.
with my friend who lost her husband i try so hard not to talk about myself and just ask about her. i wonder if you can do that in an email. it is a way of staying in touch and avoiding the painful stuff. a friend of mine constantly sends me adorable and precious animal pictures. they make me feel so good temporarilly. i smile so much. I can write back how much i enjoy them. I want to hear from you and everything that troubles you and brings you ease. it is so very hard to be bipolar and i think only a bipolar or one who has been very close to a bipolar can understand the life of the bipolar. we have to protect ourselves in any way we can. if we don't think we are going to get a positive response from a person, we have to hold back or find another way to maintain some kind of relationship. does your friend know you are bipolar?
I am sorry you gained a couple of pounds. did you hear that a dr now said that sugar is poison and he is putting it along side alcohol and tobacco.?
eating is one way for me to escape anxiety. smoking was another way. being manic was another way. what if you kept a journal with pictures? do you think it would be too much of a hassle or too painful? it would be for me.
i love you
bobby

Waves,
Yes, any movement forward get help spur you out of the cycle. Any small movement today and then tomorrow (however small) could help with mood.

M

Sending some hugs.

Donna

I just sent a letter to someone that I had let go of last year. I had not even sent her a christmas card. She sent out greeting photos of her dogs.

But I feel that I really don't have anything in common anymore.
I used to be her therapist like on the phone long distance until she met her now husband. She is very materialistic.
i resent the fact that she put all of her school debt on credit cards then filed bankruptcy. She planned it all out. Then she received unemployement benefits from broke california whilst living in Arizona. While going to school to be an accupuncturist. She has a good business now.
anyway. I have one friend from my past that I am friendly with and see occasionally, every year or two. 4 friends here in LA. and this prior friend who I jsut sent a little note to. It is hard maintaining friendships, do you use face book at all. that is one way to keep up with a person.
I am sorry that you are losing touch with your past friends and it is so difficult making new friends. I feel for you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

thinking of you
love
bobby