[DiMarie]

I finally had a week things slowed at work, not around here though, to stop in and actually post. I read to make sure how things are going, mainly in the middle of the night. Like today it is 8 AM and I am still awake.

When I restarted Lexapro the insomnia, not even feeling tired for 24 hrs came back. SO I have to follow my own advise and break it into quarters and halfs and work up to my full dose.

I am taking the kids to Fl on March 6th over their break a few days and need to get sleep patterns back, so I may just forget about the Lexapro and take a Klonopin a day instead. I felt good to go until the recent income news for ds.

Te long process with SSD for my son is ongoing, at least 4 years and now the two denials, a hearing and lost, an appeal, denied, another appeal and after another $$$$ we got the letter yesterday he is denied again. These are the appeals after the full hearing. Even the voc rehab said he could not use his arms due to the surgeries to protect himself, or property of others.

Lumbar fracture and facet joint issue, cervical herniations, migraine and cluster headaches, fybromyagia, nerve damage to the arms and hands, torn rotator cuff 2 surgeries, still not healed, side affect to many meds. This week it was the odd unending hiccups that they finally gave him thorzine in ER after 3 trips down there.

THat is the main reason I am killing myself working, he has no income. If he had the SSD, they would not be rich, but at least would have an income. Now I am frantic. I spend as much time in ER's, doctors for Pain management and helping him as I did for my daughter. He uis not on her meds, thus pain level is sky high too.

The judge first said he could work doing security, he is not even reliable to help me with my work, and then judge said....not the original injury he is disabled from, it is new and the work quarters do not count.

So I am super frustrated feeling my health go to crap, kidneys are an issue, BP is up from it, many days I don't work like this week I am in PJ's all day. I sit and look at the laundry I washed and can't even hold my arms up to fold. Last week in two days I had 440 miles on the car dh drove, but when I got back and tried to get out of the car I was so sore and pain, I crawled up the steps.

Our plan is to at least file again for SSI and if that does not work, then he may have to move home again so I do not have the two households to support. He does have an annuity for his medical which is a few thousand coming in April. I am just waiting until then and see if he gets the SSI, before I go back to the doctors.

I have had the BP up and few spells; nausea, throw up, clammy sweat and anxious dread overwhelming dread. THen it passes. Only had it happen twice, but afraid to let the doctor know as it does pass.
Thinking it is the PTSD now that the denial came that we were sure was going to work out okay.
It is 12 years since his back fracture, arm injury and all the surgeries. SSI is not much but at least it is something..

Hate to be sounding so down, or drained, just needed this break this week and better news...I applied for a full time job from my home doing special investigations, but that is going to jeopardise my own SSD.

Wish I could have a Coke and good cry, but I do not even drink it, oh I have been having Ginger Ale odd for me?????

But I need to get some sleep for today, so off to try anything,
Love ya all, keep me in your thoughts.

I know take care of myself because the family needs me,

Think I am plum out of miricles right now.