Jme, I'm sorry you're having to deal with such hefty medical bills at 21. I'm 31 now, mine didn't start until 2008. Most hospitals will allow you to pay very small amounts (ie/ $5-10 a mo.). Here in Mass. privately practicing docs can refuse to see you unless you pay off all or most of your balance.

Ginnie, I'm sorry for your financial problems, too. Mortgage companies are supposed to work with consumers, but I had no luck. I was unable to work and had to wait for disability for a year. I jumped through hoops to no avail and we were forced into a short sale in 2010. We had a 2 story condo and it wasn't really safe for me anyway- I kept on falling up/down the stairs. We're in a 1st story apt. now.

I am pretty isolated. Once I started to decline, my friends started to drop off one by one... funny because most of them were nurses, nursing students, and CNAs. I think it's partially because people don't want to be reminded that they're also vulnerable.
Over the last 6 months (at LEAST) my best and really only close friend left has started to push away. She's a nurse and told me a couple of months ago that she spoke to her councilor about me... and the councilor said that my friend needed to stop trying to fix me and maybe I just needed someone to listen. I listen to her PLENTY.
I guess that didn't help because I sent her multiple texts and left a couple of messages over 2 months that have gone unanswered. I've brought up the drifting apart thing before and she always tells me how busy she is, but always has all these stories about all the things she's been doing outside of work. I called her on her birthday and left a message, and she called me back the following day. She talked for 15 minutes uninterrupted.
I broke off her topic. She denied getting ANY of my texts or messages and blamed her phone. She asked me how I was feeling and I told her that I didn't feel comfortable sharing any of that with her, since she obviously can't handle it. I told her that she has drifted away, etc. Had it actually been her birthday, I never would have gotten into any of this. I never raised my voice- I only do that when I'm manic.
When I was in high school and my mother was dying, most of my friends abandoned me. After she died, it was, "I'm so sorry about your mother. Do you want to do X on Friday?" Well, this time around, the MS isn't going away- it's just going to get worse. The BP won't vanish either.
I love her and I may understand why, but this relationship has only been causing me pain. I'm tired of crying over this. In my experience, she will only drift further. I really just want to tell her to F* off and maybe call me when she can accept me as I am. That way, I can take control... you're not ditching me- I'm ditching you.

My husband has been drinking a LOT. The 1st time we had a talk, he cut back. Then after a short period, he ramped up again. Larger quantities, more days of the week. I mentioned it again on Thursday and he got VERY angry, but only had a few on Saturday. Sunday he finished the small bottle of vodka I keep for an occasional bloody mary. But nothing since (fingers crossed).
I get into our lack of sex life another time.
----

Waves, The pdoc offered up the low-dose zoloft or an increase in the lamictal. I let her choose. She was concerned because I already have a lot of mood stabilizers on board. I'd balk at anything other than a low dose.
This depressive episode is rare and going on 3 months. I tend towards mania- lots of mania. I'd rather be depressed than manic, but both have obvious draw backs.

As far as the spells are concerned, I was doing alright until this morning. I was smart enough not to get into the shower until the evening when I was feeling better. I see my PCP Friday morning.

I'm still not settled on the hip MRI. I'm in pain, but it's not severe. I'm going to let my PCP make the call since I'm notorious for my inability to make decisions. He'll probably have me go tho.

I am wearing my new glasses. It's an adjustment- little headache because they're stronger, getting used to the new look, etc.

Thank you to everyone again for your support,
Kay

Again, you have alot on your plate.
I am sorry about this friend of yours.
It is hard letting go of the past relationship, how things used to be but we change and so do our friends. Keep the lines open if that is what you want to do. Maybe let go of trying to control the out come and just go with the flow???? I don't know that is a hard call. I have ended a friendship not nicely before when I saw that we had changed, grew apart. It was unpleasant.
hugs to you tonight
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Friends do leave you sometimes when a person gets sick. The real friends in your life stay. It sorts through them pretty quick when a person faces real touble, pain and hardship. This site won't abandon you thats for sure.
I do have legal aid in the works to help me with my financial crisis. My home is in a trust which is a huge complication. They are looking for a pro-bono lawyer to help me. It will turn out OK in the end.
I hope you are alright today. I also am keeping your husband in my prayers, so he doesn't drink. that doesn't help you at all!. My folks drank, and it only made my life worse. I am here anytime to listen to you. You do have new friends right here. ginnie

Thanks Bizi and Ginnie

I have decided to end the friendship. It will hurt less than the unanswered texts and messages and her excuses. The hoping and waiting is the worst. I rarely get into arguments. I won't tell her to F* off, but I will tell her that I love her, but it seems like she's already checked out of our friendship, how that makes me feel, and tell her to feel free to contact me when she's in a place where she can accept me as I am.

I'm concerned about isolation, but our friendship isn't helping with that anyway. I do have friends, but they're heavy drinkers and I'm not (unless I'm manic). No phone conversations, and the only contact centers around drinking. I like to avoid the pressure, and drunk people are especially unappealing when you're sober.

My husband brought home beer today. He drank them all, but at least it was only a 12 pack.

Kay

Dear Kay,

Sometimes when someone not helpful is removed, you open up space for a new friend.

I can hope for that for you -- that you have someone good for you.

M

Thank you, Bizi

I got a new lens script and picked out a pair of frames I love... but I had to go back 2 more times because of a poor fit. 1st they painfully dug in behind my ears and they were sliding down making red marks around my nose. The 2nd time, I had to go back because the frames were still sliding and making red indentations around my nose. I couldn't wear them for more than an hour or 2 because they were too uncomfortable.
Finally we decided I needed different frames. The optician was trying to talk me into the kind with nose pads, but I told him I'd get indents and eczema from the nose pads and have had 3 pairs of plastic frames without issue. I showed him the difference between the bridge on the glasses. The new ones were much narrower, and I thought that was the issue. He measured the 2 and agreed it was a big difference, so we looked at plastic frames with a wider bridge.
I was able to find a pair with a similar bridge measurement to what I am wearing. The cost is the same, so they'll just switch them out. I HOPE these will work out fine. They should be in by Monday.

I had a follow-up with my PCP about the pre-syncope (near fainting). I need to have a tilt table test, but I can only go to one of the two hospitals in town and they don't do the test. No word back from the office about how they will handle this.
I've been waking up in severe pain, like charlie horses but different. Also more tremor, day pain, and head bobbing. I guess it's the spasticity from the MS so they increased my baclofen.
Good news is, I haven't s* the bed again WOO-HOO!

My husband came home the day before St. Patrick's day with 2 30 packs. I used 4 cans for the corned beef, but he finished the few stragglers Monday night. That's 56 beers Friday-Monday.

This is embarrassing, but another troubling thing is that we have no sex life. This began years before I was dx with MS. It's partly his masturbation, partly his drinking. I've talked to him about it before. He promises to try harder, but doesn't deliver. I've gotten denied so many times, I'll only try sporadically and almost always get turned down. When he engages, he can't finish. He's too used to solo sex.

So far, the zoloft hasn't helped my depression, but I go up to 50mg tomorrow. I hope that can make a difference.

So, things aren't going well but I'm hanging in there and trying to roll with the punches.

Kay

Hope your new glasses work out OK. I just wanted to make a comment about beer. That much beer would stop anyone from sex. Nobody I know of can drink like that and function normally. The issues of calories isn't so good either. Not for his health, blood sugar or weight. I hope he can stop. I don't think the problem is his self gratification, more like the drinking. My parents were drinkers, and they weren't physical at all during my growing up years. Hope you are OK. There is a cousin of mine who has MS so I do know some of what you go through. I wish you all the best. I hope your love for each other can see you both get closer. I will keep you in my prayers. ginnie

Thank you for sharing kay.
Isn't it nice to know that we can come here and bare our souls and not be judged.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi
I am sorry that you struggle....

Dear Kay,

It hurts to talk about this. I understand a little. My first husband had a major medical problem. At a certain point he could not perform. He left me.


The beers and the other stuff could change if he 1) recognizes the problem, and 2) is motivated to get help for change. (That is what my tdoc would say probably) Things can get better.
For now, I am happy about your glasses. Mine are so important to me and like them to feel perfectly on my face too. I hope that your pain is relieved.
I hope that the Zoloft increase brings you benefits.


M

Hi Kay,

i am sorry to hear about your domestic situation. i don't have advice really. i do know a person has to admit to see a problem in themselves and be motivated to change. they also have to feel they can change somehow... with addictions that isn't always real intuitive. i hope your husband does have a breakthrough, and chooses to get help.

congrats on the glasses! i have 3 pairs, all sorta kinda broken. i am wearing the oldest of the lot - 20 years old, lol. they are in best shape, but the frame got somehow bent (others are snapped) so they are a little lopsided. i cannot get myself to spring for a new pair. i have intended to get really dark prescription shades too for when i have migraines. some sort of persnickety thing about getting the exact tint and having had to argue with the technicians in the past is holding me back.

i hope the Zoloft helps and does not make you manic. i hope that the baclofen helps with the pain and other MS sx too.

keep in touch. we will always listen. i am sending lots of good thoughts your way.

(((((hugs))))))

~ waves ~