Dear Bobby,
As usual, you are insightful.

I stopped watching the news (and catch a headline or two on the computer) but started going to a new forum. I guess I will stop going there if it riles me up politically like it seems to.

I'm not sure what the Buddhist group is about. I think that they hold that meditating/chanting can make suffering not so bad. We can't completely avoid suffering but we can make better peace with it so that the suffering does less harm than it would otherwise. Or something like that.

My problem with them is that they seem to believe in the power of positive thinking. This does not sit well with me totally. But thinking positively is better than thinking of the worst I suppose.

Still, the women in the group are very kind and friendly and hopeful about their own lives and about each others' lives. I felt good after the two meetings I went to. And they are only a few blocks from my apt -- so no big deal for traveling. But I am not sure that I am ready to add a new thing to my life.

You found the spot. I was never a child. I was the oldest of 4 and my mother was checked out much of the time -- could barely handle anything. She hasn't changed. I raised my siblings and watched my mom so that she wouldn't freak out on us. (anxiety and other un dx'd problems)

My hypnotherapist left a message today about our getting together again on Friday next week. It is a work holiday (Good Friday) so I could see her except that I made a big appointment. Maybe I can reschedule this appointment. Maybe I should.

I last saw the hypnotherapist a about a month ago. She helps me because she makes me feel normal.

Mari

I don't think I could have held it together through all of that! You did accomplish alot that night. (but I do understand staying calm for your husband and how much it helps him to stay calm as well. We call it "not pushing each other's buttons.")

I didn't realise just how close our childhoods resembled each other. Maybe that is why we have similar traits on how we deal with certain things and both have to work on our "control" issues.

One day, you will see just how far you have come and just how much you have grown by all the steps you are taking to help yourself and nurture yourself.

I would love to go to yoga with you.

I wish you wellness.
I think you will figure out what you need to do....
the location is perfect and I wish that I could find a group like this....
hope your weekend is filled with something that you enjoy doing.
(((HUGS)))
bizi

Hi,
My mother has some kind of un dx'd anorexia/ bulimia. Her brothers and sisters do too.

I am aware that this stuff is inherited.

In addition to whatever might have been inherited I have been effected by her relationship with food. For this I am sad.

I think that some people have happy food memories from their childhood. They remember a favorite food or something that their mother used to make that make them feel warm and loved. I don't.
And some people can find comfort or pleasure in food, partly because it reminds them of being cared for and nurtured.

Mom couldn't nurture so of course food does not represent nurture to me. And she has a love/hate (mostly hate) relationship with food. (Also, she can't cook very well even now.)

I realized this when a therapist asked me if I eat for any of the following reasons:
boredom -- no
needing love -- no
celebration -- no
sadness -- no

and so on.
I eat to alter moods. In other words I eat either to bring down anxiety or I eat to try to wake up and increase my energy.

And I need to loose weight.

Do any of you actually like food? Does preparing and eating food bring a degree of pleasure?
Or is food seen as a a problem to be conquered/dealt with as it was in my house growing up?

M.

It is interesting how food can effect us differently.
WE need it to live, and sometimes I feel like I live to eat instead of eating to live.
The times that I cna loose weight have been when I am busy and eating does seem like a chore.
But I am learning how to cook different things and am enjoying this...this past year I ahve been taking chances and trying new receipes and I like that.
I also live 3 blocks from a grocery store and that allows me to easily run to the store for an item.
I eat when I am bored and at night snacky watching tv.
Does your mum and her siblings speak about their eating problems?
bizi

Hi Bizi,
I like that you live near a grocery store and that that allows you to get what you need. Maybe it is ok to live to eat occassionally.

The times I loose weight are when I am not busy. They are times that I focus on exercise, sleep, and eating lots of veggies.

My mom and her siblings talk about food a lot. They talk about the good food to eat and what food is bad. But they never talk about their feelings toward food.

Her sisters were nurses so they are a bit more up to date on nutrition than she is. My mom thinks that ANY fat is bad for everyone. She lives on carbs and diet food (low fat mayo, diet margerine....) She doesn't keep any food in the kitchen or fridge. You have to go to a storage room a few rooms away to find a few items.

She would rather run to the store during the week than keep any food around -- she says that she is afraid that she is going to eat it all.

She and her sisters love to talk about exercise. My mom used to exercise about 3 hours a a day. Now that she is in her sixties she has redeced that, but exercise is part of her battle against putting extra weight on.
She is 5 feet and weighs about 110 which is probably normal weight for that height. But the amount of energy she puts into eating/not eating is amazing. Then she buys clothes that are 6 sizes too big in order to hide her body.

Often when she eats she says that she is disgusted because she shouldn't have eaten.

She raised us to hide our body behind clothes too.

I didn't pick up the exercise bug.
M.

I like food I didn't have to cook. I like new food.

I like cooking food.

I eat because I have to. I don't like to eat. I only cook and eat fat free right now because of the boy's gallbladders. Otherwise, I just keep it light.

I LOVE chocolate. I LOVE cucumbers. Tomato, mayo and allspice on white bread. Best sandwich ever. I don't know what memory I attach to it, but it's good because eating a tomato sandwich makes me feel warm.

I have never thought about how food makes me feel before. I usually hate it because so much of it is bad for someone in my family.

I think of food like gas. I don't like filling my car with gas either but I have to in order to get where I need to go.

Thanks Mari. I never thought of the emotion of eating before.

forgot to add:
I love to eat
and that is why I will have to watch my weight forever.
I have been watching a low carb diet since lent started about 5 weeks ago. so no sweets etc. and I have lost at least 5 pounds... so am happy about this. I had put on 8 pounds over from halloween to new years from eating so many rich deserts everything....
anyway
I do love to eat especially chocalate...gimmie all your chocolate for easter and no one gets hurt