my neice is going to be 30 this year. She has lived with my mother since she was 14 and we rescued her from her awful mother. (another story) her mom and social services boyfriend dumped her into a mental hospital and kept receiving her child support, and food stamps. We drove 1000 miles to go to this hospital, and talked them into releasing her into our care after seeing her and finding her in bad shape. She cleaned up well, she was quite shaken from all she had been thru, and hid in her room for a long time. I got her to come out for meals eventually after promising her no one would judge her on how much she ate, or disturb her while she was eating. It was like coaching an abused animal back into life.

years went by. I got her a GED which they converted to a high school diploma because that was federal law. if she graduated within six months of her class she was entitled to the diploma, not just the GED. Took another year to talk her into community college. She did well as long as it was no more than 3 classes per week. Then she hit a depression and I couldnt get her to go no matter what the bribe, chat, chatter, or incentive. She went back to living in her room. I got her to go back 2 years later and she completed 2 classes before she crashed again and has sworn off any school of any kind.

Fast forward a bit more. She will be 30 this year. She says she wants to work, but wont look up jobs or go to an interview. She says she wants to drive, but she panics behind the wheel to the extent that its unsafe for her to continue, then she feels like a failure and back to her room. She is 350 pounds. She eats 2 or 3 large pizza's in one sitting. She comfort eats, and is never full. She has asthma and blames the steroids in the inhaler for the weight. She refuses to walk to the mailbox to get the mail, let alone walk around the block to see the neighborhood, watch the birds, or just get out. She drinks soda like its going out of style. She throws her dirty plates, cans, and clothes where ever she wants. She demanded a "therapy cat" but refuses to clean the box. Frequently the water dish is dry. She shows no compassion towards this animal who is drinking out of the toilet and locked in her room with her 24 hours a day. She showers about once every two weeks only because she is forced.

My problem is she has been living with my mom, and as he years have passed I have tried to explain to her that the roles are shifting. its not want, its a NEED. I NEED her to drive. my mother is unsafe driving, and is going to wreck. I promise they wont renew her license as she is confused now and easily lost. I NEED her to help around the house. I am not picking on her, the housing authority does monthly inspections and if the house is not clean they will be evicted. She agreed to ONE cat as per the lease, but on the last inspection they found 3 and all were in bad shape. They removed all but the one on the lease and of course, back to her bedroom she went. She sits on the internet 20 hours a day. She has no social circle other than the computer. She never leaves the house unless forced.

I am to the point that I am going to have to step in. not only for her, but for my moms safety as well. She has been getting quite aggressive with my mom. Verbally and now she is starting to push on her. she says she is helping her to the bathroom, but she is aggressive with it. Before you say call social services, I have already done that. They called and gave my mother advanced warning that they were coming. She paid to have the house cleaned. She praised my niece and told them how helpful she is. She is terrified of being forced into a nursing home. My mother just had a huge back operation, and is more helpless than ever. She is eating from a can because she cant stand up long enough to cook, or they order out which they simply cant afford.

My niece isnt just being lazy. There is something wrong with her. She cant make decisions. She cant figure out how to do things for herself. she is frequently depressed and then all of a sudden she gets these huge bursts of energy and wants to go to school or learn to drive or will start throwing out all of her furniture wanting new stuff. She has ZERO income and my mother pays for her internet (she refuses to cut it off) and she got a payment after her sister died but she used it to buy my niece a new computer, so my mother isnt helping.

Can I save this girl? should I try? am I stuck and I should just back up, leave them alone and watch it unfold? Since social services gets lied to when they show up, and no one sees her EVER unless she is forced what can I do?

Any advice or help is appreciated. im going to get a call some day soon that one of them is either carted off or dead.