Good morning all,
I wake up at 0330 now pretty regularly. I check email, nothing, surf the net, sometime shop on line and forget that I have done that until I get a pkg at my door. there are things that I feel I should do like get gas before it gets crazy at Costco, weigh in at weight watchers, take my dog swimming before it gets too hot, go to yoga, go for a run, swim laps, or should I just stay home and start getting rid of my Marine Corps pubs and stuff that I won't need but I am not out yet and maybe they would be helpful to keep? Maybe I can't let go of that part of my life. I worry incessantly about things like trash on the ground, people who break the law or people that want to mess with me or my service dog (my perception, rarely accurate).

Had my parents for dinner last night. I was so excited about them coming but then when they were here I was so anxious and irritable. I love them so but get annoyed with them and I shouldn't. My mom wants to help me refi my house but I don't have the mental capacity. Will I have to move once I am out of the Corps? I am supposed to meet w the National Park Service about an internship but I don't know if I want to that.

I started smoking cigars a couple years ago and lately I have been having a cigar w coffee which usually results in too much thinking and throwing up. But still I do it. Not time to quit.

I am having my neighbors over for a casual dinner, I hope I can relax enough so they are comfortable. I always have these grand social ideas but when it comes to execution I want to isolate.

Friends offered to take me to their beach house for a week but I haven't been away from my for more than three days since my accident a year ago. Should I go? Or will that inspire a manic episode?

My doc took me off seroquil and I am titrating my Lamictal to get to my full dosage. I remain in an anxious depressed state.

The one thing I know is that I love my dog. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone else in my life but I am too scared and my Trip (my dog) would have a hard time and it is just not worth it.

The sun is coming up. Maybe a walk in the woods is in order. I hope you all have a nice day.