Dear Bizi,

You recognize that this is only a birthday.

You recognize that your health is more important than anything else you can do.
Focus on your needs. The party does not matter.
I care about you.

Do what works for you. Go to the gym. Please.

M

Mari This is sound wisdom. Things like this will be forgotten down the road. What is really important. The mind is tricky. It will rationalize most anything as being O K. Bizi We will be here for you. I sympathize with you about the anxiety. Dealing with the anxiety in a healthy way is imperative. You will learn a whole new set of skills that will be stepping stones to continued health,and strength. BF

Thank you.
It is his 50th and I did not have anything planned for his birthday. I am taking a cruise with my sisters for my 50th in feb(I am a new years twin!). He finally told me he wanted a keyboard, a nice one. So that is what he is going to get for himself. I am so happy about that. I had been after him for months about this.
I snacked after coming home because I was hungry and forgot he was coming home late. After cooking dinner (I cooked spicy lemon pepper talapia, and a big salad) we went for a walk, I will go to the gym tomorrow and shower there. I got a hair cut this past saturday, she cut 3 inches off, I like it. It lays off my shoulders now almost to my chin like my avatar picture.
When jeff came home I told him how anxious I was and wanted a drink, he said "you could have some and I would not tell anybody."
I was mad...I turned around and said that is not helping me.
He doesn't understand.
I don't think that I am an alcoholic I just think I have a drinking problem.
I tried to explain and I think he gets it now.
anyway thanks for your support.
bizi

Bizi,

You are doing great. Keep doing things for yourself.

I am happy to hear that you explained things to him even if he does not wish to be helpful.

M

I went to the store and bought a box of different kinds of tea. I made some last night to drink while I was doing paper work, a substitute for drinking my ciders, I used to drink when I did my paper work. Now I will drink tea. It tasted good.
bizi

Last night jeff asked me what my goals were?
To quit drinking all together. or to learn moderation.
I think that abstinence is what is needed for right now.
And I want to learn how to more effectively deal with anxiety instead of grabbing for a cider, beer or martini. I have associated having fun with drinking, I want to have fun with out drinking and not look at it as a sacrifice.
I hope this makes sense.
bizi

It makes a lot of sense Bizi

Donna

Hi, Bizi,

I think that people without bipolar do not understand us. It might be best as you say to embrace abstinence.

When a person does not drink they can still have fun. The fun will be a different kind of fun.

M

Well I made it to the gym and walked on the treadmill for 45 minutes, 2.5 miles so that was good.
Then went to take a shower and stepped in some stool!!!!!!!
OMG, I could not believe it. Just last week my friend said that she sat in some in the jacuzzi.....so that ruined the jacuzzi for me they said that was common. yuck!!!!!!!! and now the shower...just have to be more careful and look at the floor before going into the stall. I reported it and she said that was common as well. This is a nice gym!!!!! for crying out loud.
I am rethinking this gym.
bizi

This sounds really, really, good to me, Bizi.

I really, really like that you use the verb "I want" highlighted above - this suggests to me that your true will is behind these statements. That last bit, not drinking and not feeling it is a sacrifice... i see that as a really excellent goal. It might take a while but it is what it's all about, otherwise only half of you is having fun while the other half is jonesin'.

When you say that abstinence is needed for now, I hear that you recognize that the problem is serious enough to be very aggressive with it - perhaps more aggressive than you might want... and then gradually step into your goals.

This is what I am "getting" from what you wrote.

~ waves ~

p.s. My amateurial suggestion would be that your period of abstinence last until you don't miss drinking any more, and then a little longer. If you find you do not reach this point, but continue to miss it, that could be a red flag... cross that bridge when you come to it.