I just thought of a 10th Psychiatrist/Psychologist that I've had. I remember that I was walking around the area in which I use to live,trying to feel better. I walked past a church that I went to when I was a teenager. I sat down,and leaned against the wall. I just wanted to imagine leaning back into the building. I walked down the road,and felt so alone even though there where people all over the place.

I wrote a not,and left it at a Psychologist office. They where not there at the time. I went on roaming through the neighborhood. I was just torn to pieces in my mind with anxiety. This roaming around that I did was about 22 years ago. The Psychologist called me,and I met with her for a short period of time. They recommended for me to see another Psychologist. So I was handed off to another Psychologist. They didn't help to much. At the time I was seeing a Psychiatrist who wasn't helping. I was under medicated.

I could go on,and on,and on. All of us on this forum have been going through a type of agony that is not easy to explain,and is not understood by the normal public,who would probably rather not hear about us. If they only had heart enough to understand. BF

steve, I am happy that you are now at least better medicated, I know that you still suffer from anxiety and obsessions but it seems that it is better for you now.
bizi

Thank you Bizi. I'm in a better situation now. I am being counselled by a team,and I'm on a better medication program now.

Dear Waves. Are you alright? Do you like the new therapist? BF

Dear Steve,

I'm so sorry you got bounced around by so many therapists. Thank you for sharing your stories. It is so true that others just can't relate that don't have mental disturbances, or at least very very few, highly intuitive, empathic people can relate. but i could add that if untrained empathy is a double-edged sword and normies would probably dx those folks as "hyper-sensitive." Anyway, thank goodness you have better care now.

As for me, I did not go to meet the new therapist. I couldn't sleep the night before between tummy trouble and agitation. But truth be told I started feeling it in my "gut" (so to speak) the day before that I did not want to go, but could not think of a good excuse to cancel. Now I wish I had.... I cancelled in the morning 20 mins before the appointment!

See, week before the missed therapy, I'd met with the psychiatrist a third time. Each session with her was worse and more exasperating. The first was at least in part helpful, because it was an emergency and i was desperate. he did helped with perspective on one single thing. period. Since then i have got less and less comfortable. Already I saw her jump the gun too many times, and other things. Even if she is in good faith I do not trust her to do the best thing by me. Her position gives her too much power (my dx, state records, and my meds) than i am ready to hand over to her.

SOOO.... I shall not stay with the state center regardless of the unmet psychologist/therapist. I am going back to my "old" pdoc.

I called him today to touch base and let him know. I need a break to try and recoup and will call for an appointment in a bit but he said I did well to call and advise what was going on.

Now i have to get the other monkeys off my back
-- unmet psychologist - poor dear has nothing to do with my decision but has made direct contact for appointments, so, matter of courtesy.
-- psychiatrist - she said she'd respect either decision. she better live up to that.

last but not least call that stupid school.

I wish i could just have 2 weeks of bed rest and leave me alone, ya know? And i wish my mother knew how or were willing to follow my instructions to make chicken soup!

~ waves ~

Hi Waves I'm glad that you got in touch with your other doctor. After having had ten psychiatrist/psychologists,and heard some of the things that they would say,I know what you mean. They jump the gun,and come up with the theories that they where taught,how do you feel...How do you feel...this,that,and the other.

Hang in there. It's also O K to feel angry at the school for not paying you. I use to let the anger go through me,and not express it at the appropriate times. Don't hit anyone,but there is a way to channel the anger out that's not destructive. There is a righteous anger. I've screamed into pillows,and thrown my shoe at my furniture,and have learned how to calmly confront people who have done damage to me. If they listen,its so helpful to be able to let the anger go. Please call the people at that school,take a deep breath,and calmly explain the situation that you didn't get paid for your teaching services.

Yes!!!! Some people while trying to help you will drive a sword right through your heart. Been there. I judge every word when a therapist talks. They are not going to shock me,and I find myself in the hot seat that has injured me in the past. All of these people mean well. They are sincere,but are sincerely wrong in some cases. After 43 years of having a extemely emotionally painful condition like what I have,I've been hurt by many of their mistakes,whether by doctor,or group of people who are trying to help. Go with your gut on this,and don't see that new therapist,but go back to your other doctor.

Yes. Try some chicken soup. This may be soothing,and rest. Things will be better hopefully soon. BF

Thank you so much Steve. You do understand. I really appreciate your validating my feelings about leaving the center with that loopy psychiatrist.

With the school, yes, I'm angry but it is the depression/anxiety/fear keeping me from calling. Usually i can get over these things by bargaing with myself for time - emotionally it feels overwhelming but the call will only take a few minutes. i can remind myself that the coordinator has always been polite and is very likely to be. there may be follow up calls but for now i just need to get the ball rolling. so i need to bargain for a few minutes with myself for that first call. it's still hard.

i will try monday. i will try a call, then another, one at a time.

Thank you so much for your kind support lately.



~ waves ~

p.s. i will have to have imaginary chicken soup. i am too tired to make it. mom doesn't know how, and abjectly refuses to follow instructions or even just help me.

Waves

Sending good thoughts for you to make the call to the school on
Monday. I think getting that started will help you.

I know its connected with everything else. But it will help.

I will send some chicken soup, through the internet. Hmm, sure
wish I could.

Maybe if your parents go out have them bring you some back
from a restaurant or store.

Donna

Thank you Waves,and I so understand what you are saying. You deserve this money. It's yours.

I use to be very anxious when I would make a telephone call. I even didn't like to receive calls because I would sometimes loose my voice because of the panic disorder.

Now it's different. After having worked in a supermarket for almost 14 years,I don't put people in the work force on a pedestal anymore. They are just doing their job all day,and they don't care who we are who's calling them. They just work the problem from there,or hand off the problem to someone else,unless they know you. They may dismiss your call if they think that they can get away with it, if they know you. Then I ask to speak to the manager,or person in charge.

I get angry now because I know exactly what they are trying to do if they are familiar with the situation. Geeerrrr...!!! I've had some heated telephone calls. I'm not saying that it's the right thing to do,but I have gotten people's attention. I've been disconnected,and all of those things also.

It's sometimes a dog-eat-dog business world out there. BF

the school is "closed' until next april. (it's a small private, company.) there are messages on the landline and on the coordinator's cell. i left a message on her cell but so far no call back and i don't expect one. most likely they are bankrupt. thinking back to how things were handled, it's quite possible i wasn't going to get paid even if i'd got on it sooner. suing is only likely to cost me more than what they owe me not to mention the emotional upheaval and time i'd have to invest.

i will have to be much more careful next time. it is hard to do business in this country and even harder in a bad economy.

i'd like to say you never know, but i'm not holding my breath on this one. i just have to get on with it - get better, go do something else.

~ waves ~

Well I am surprised by this news. maybe they will call you back at least the phone numbers had not been disconnected, a real sign of trouble. Maybe they will call you back. sorry that this has happened to you. being taken advantage of sucks putting it mildly.
bizi