To Pam
 

Dear Pam :heartthrob:

We are nowhere near a season change - coming up on midwinter in fact, so it wouldn't be that. As for winter itself, I do not tend to become depressed in winter. If anything the opposite happens. In fact I had to lower my zoloft significantly as winter came in due to budding hypomania. A month has since elapsed and I have been feeling fine - emotionally speaking.

the migraines are a different story. i did have a run of migraines in the preceding days. It's possible my mood instability could have been migraine-related. I'm just glad that flatness did go away during the course of the following day. WHEW.

Thank you for being here for me Pam. I really appreciate your support. :) :hug::hug::hug: :)

~ waves ~

To Mari
 

Dear Mari :hug::hug:

Indeeed Monday is a good day, thank you! :heartthrob: :)

As far as incidents of discord, I see no pattern - it happens at any and all times. I sometimes wake up to the two of them arguing.

In this case I've been looking into doing, but some risks are involved. Mom and I have had ongoing conversations about it. I was finding out more details, and started telling her about it. I actually initiated this conversation, and didn't expect to react the way I did to her (understandable) concerns, any more than she could have imagined it. :o

I am going to let it go. Whatever the explanation, like perhaps the preceding migraines, I'll never know what it is. I'd only drive myself crazy if i tried to analyze it. I'm good now - and i'm good with that. :):)

Thanks so much for your kind thoughts, for affirming me in your preceding post, and just for being here with me. :Heart:

(((((hugs)))))

~ waves ~

thank you for your kind posts waves. you are a sweetie.
I have been drinking more and more again....wondering when I ma going to stop...maybe after the cruise.I had the equivalence of 10 beers last night/ over a 5 hour period of time and did not sleep well....no wonder.
sigh
bizi

To DiMarie
 

Dear DiMarie

Thank you for your sweet post. :hug::hug:

Yes, the Baileys is wonderful. I pretty much always use it to make Irish Coffee... I do love that. It is very much a comfort drink, in flavor and feeling :) - it most definitely warms the soul...and the body! I only keep it in winter. It's great for when one feels chilly. Under normal circumstances, just one cup does the trick, with just a drop of Bailey's to produce the warming effect, without pharmacological effects.

Of course in this case I wanted a "drink" i.e. pharmacological effects. I made it very strong and had a nightcap straight. But the comfort drink aspect was still wonderful and perhaps contributed just as much.

Now i just hope i can manage moderation with the rest of the bottle.

~ waves ~

To Bizi
 

Dear Bizi, :heartthrob:

Yes I have been a bit concerned... you've made mention here and there. On the other hand it started with a holiday reprieve from abstinence... you could not foresee Jeff's accident and the consequent stress. This is a temporary situation though, and as it improves, the stress will let up. Then it will be easier to tackle the drinking. You have done it before and can do it again.

At the moment, I think that putting pressure on yourself about the drinking might have the opposite effect to that desired. At most, you might try to self-monitor and see if you can prevent further escalation - but be openminded, accept however that goes, and above all be kind to yourself about it. You might even be better off not thinking about it at all, and just go with the "flow" (eeks bad pun!) for the present time.

I wish you much enjoyment on the cruise. I hope it affords you some of the R&R you need, and that you emerge feeling refreshed, and invigorated by the time spent with your sisters.

All things in good time.

love and warm thoughts to you my dear friend :heartthrob:

(((((hugs)))))

~ waves ~

Waves. I'm sorry. I misunderstood the whole thing. My parents would say something,and hurt me. Then they would say that I'm super sensitive. So they would put the burden back on me.

I'm sorry for not reading all of the posts. I haven't done this recently because I've been worrying about my sister.

I may be wrong again in my post. I should read the whole tread before I post. I thought that it may be helpful,but I was sticking my foot in my mouth,misunderstanding,and getting things wrong. I apologize. If I do it again,please let me know. I'm sorry. BF:confused::hug::hug::hug:

To Steve
 

Dear Steve,

ABSOLUTELY NO apology is necessary! :Heart: :hug::hug::hug

I am sorry if I came across strongly... I felt I owed it to my mom more than anything else, and I did clarify to others in this thread also, who seemed to be chalking things up to my mom's actions. I solely am responsible for the impression i give of my mom and since I've brought up turbulent incidents with her before, it seemed likely I had not got across that this was different, i.e. a strange, unexpected, and unnatural reaction by me, during a perfectly acceptable conversation.

when you made reference to your dreadful supermarket experience it did also occur to me that in your case there might be some projection - seems i was wrong, please forgive me for that! It did not occur to me you might not have read all the posts, but I should have considered it. That has happened to me before.

Anyway i took the main point of your post to be your presence and support for me and i really appreciated that. :heartthrob:YOU WERE HELPFUL!:heartthrob: Absolutely! So really, please don't worry. i was in fact awed that you took the time to post to me, what with your current situation with your sister and how worried you must be andthensome.

I wish i'd let things slide about my mom now, for your sake. Unfortunately, I was feeling compelled... like I owed it to her because of things I've said in the past.

Again all i can say is thank you. and i always have you and your sister in my heart, and send continued wellwishes. :o :hug::hug::hug::hug:

You're the best, Steve. hang in there.

love

~ waves ~

Thank you Waves. I was badgered at the supermarket. I was bullied at a military academy,and it goes on,and on with these type of things in my life. My dad has a explosive anger.

I'm not very clear in my thoughts these days I guess. It's been a difficult month with my sisters illness,and bad news in US,and world events. I'm tired.

Thank you for what you said. I'm not fine tuned right now in what I'm saying about things. I am hurting right now.

When I talk about my parents,I know that they have had hard lives. My dad went through the depression in the US in the 1930's,and when he was 21,WWII began,and he joined what was called back then,The Army Air Corp(Air Force).

My mother dropped out of college because of anxiety,but she didn't admit it. Back then Mental Health problems where stigmas of shame I guess. Dad's dad died a couple of months before he was born in the great flu plague that went around the world from 1917-1920. My dad's dad died in 1920. They had all kinds of problems. When ever I talk about my parents,I realize that they had great difficulties that they had gone through in their lives,but those things affected me,and I need help to keep going,so that's why I mention the problems that I had with them. I wish them no harm,no judgement,and no ill will. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Thank you Waves. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Steve
 

I hear you loud and clear, Steve. It's the same with my folks. However they got the way they got is not their fault, but it helps if we can understand it, or identify patterns, for our own sakes, not to blame them but to help ourselves cope better, especially when we are dealing with them, or others who behave in similar manner.

I really hope things take a turn for the better with your sister soon, and that you can have some better times. It hurts my heart how much you are suffering, and I realize I probably cannot even imagine the extent.

:hug::hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~