HI there waves, hoping that your mood does not tank.....
hope that you are sleeping well. I am trying to get caught up in the threads....lots happened in 2 days....
bizi

Yikes, Waves!

I hope the mood goes where it is suppose to be.
Your mother is being helpful I suppose. I do not have anybody to do this for me --- point out changes in a helpful way. 'Sister used to do that. Right now she only notices that I interrupt her --- she says I do that but mostly we are not communicating well.
She has in the past seemed to be sensitive to my hypo-ish moods but she is wrong lately because I feel low.

The doc . . . . I don't know. Let it not bother you as you say.

Mari

i just couldn't sleep and feel dreadfully antsy and dreadfully down at the same time. not a good combination.

i have left over Zyprexa that expires this month.

i think i am going to take it for about a week and see if it helps settle me down some. i am going to plan to go low carb at the same time, in the hope of contrasting any possible weight, because i'm already maxed out... the weight i'd lost i gained back... so i don't have any "room" for gain ... if i do it will mean new clothes AGAIN!

but i have a sense that Zyprexa is the only drug that is going to fix this, and I'd just soon nipt it now than have to wage war against an agitated depression in a month or so. And it will put me to sleep when i take it.

i have noticed recently a tendency for assonance and alliteration in my speech. good new is perhaps i could try writing poetry - except i don't have the privacy, DUH.
*thud*

but i've seen that happen before it is a sign my brain is working differently... can escalate to random words and/or syllables zipping around my head. blender-brain, i call it. i had that in the beginning when i had all the other sx with rapid escalation, racing thoughts were one... then abated... me no want that back, nossirrreeebob, it suxxx!

~ waves ~

Brain and Bizi

Thank you both for for your support.

Brain, I'm sorry i didn't answer earlier - when i posted to this thread earlier i guess i had not refreshed the page and completely missed your post! Then before bed i caught Bizi's post and then saw yours also, but was not up to posting right then.

(Now I'm just "up" period. other than moodwise and eyelid-wise that is.)

Crazy thing eh. My first pdoc told me though, that our eyes have separate melatonin cycles ... lol... so he said having tired eyes does not equate to feeling tired overall.

I guess that's where i'm at because my eyes would really like to shut them and sleep but when i tried that, my body and mind completely rebelled.



~ waves ~

right now it's going every which way it seems.
yes it is helpful regardless how it is said. fortunately my parents can "defend" themselves well enough from what i'm dishing out right now, and ... i'm dishing!!!

hmmm, but...
Mari, if she is catching energy from you - perhaps in the form of impatience, impulsivity, irritability etc... do you suppose you might be in a subsyndromal mixed state??? that's why i don't like my current trend... it really seems to have bits of both sides. I understand not feeling like one has a lot of energy physically. i don't have psychomotor agitation... well, um... only sometimes?

yeah, i thought about going back to the state center with pushy pdoc and seeing if the psychologist i had been assigned but never met is still available... she seemed so nice on the phone... kind, empathic. but my brain took off and i ended up having a dialogue with the pdoc about linguistics?! so yeah, i am thinking and not thinking. plus almost sure i'd have to sign up for pushy pdoc's whole regime to see the psychologist - suxx.

i have this gut feeling the Zyprexa will be helpful. the first time i took it iwas more depressed than manic, but it was like a black mania. very very dark mood. hardly spoke much was like a seething vulcano.

i still remember how much better i felt... i am not that bad... maybe i won't need to use it for long. i think it will be a better help than upping my depakote right now, even if it isn't an "emergency."

i really could give jack squat what my pdoc thinks ... besides when i have medication "hunches" like this he usually says to follow them. i'm far from enamoured with everything else Zyprexa does...hardly a drug one takes for fun!

~ waves ~

Dear waves, I think your judgement sounds good. I think following a low carb diet during this time is a good idea.
hugs to you tonight, I hope you get some sleep.
Thanks for sharing.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Dear Bizi,

Thanks, I really appreciate the feedback.

It's 7:20am here... not going to try to sleep again right now. I have to pick up some meds this morning, that I had to order from the pharmacy. I will probably just take naps prn today.

Heehee i can just see that on a script:

Sleep 8 hrs qd
Naps prn

Waves,

My sis knows me very well so in the past she has been a good check on when I am getting jumpy or loud or such.
But recnently (months/ years?) she has been finding me irritating. I sense a lack of patience maybe with lots of things going on with her but maybe especially with me. . . . also maybe some un-interest . . . .
She has in the last two or three weeks (re)started taking Wellbutrin. It has helped her in the past. I guess she asked her GP for some. (I feel like she could use some Valium and some DBT classes to deal with the stuff she spends time complaining about. . . . But then I might say that about a lot of people I run into.)
We have a horrible connection when she uses her speaker phone. . . . . because I can't hear what she says and am not sure if she hears what I say. We end up repeating things . . . and even arguing about what we said. Also, she is often doing something at the same time or talking to the dogs or the hubby or preparing dinner -- at least that what was going on Wed night when I called to ask for guidance on three very specific (short) things.
. . . not a good way for me to connect or even to get feed back on where I am mood-wise although I was not calling for that.
I m very calm since the hypnosis on Monday at tdoc's when she did a session on calming and healing. But I am so "calm" (?) right now that the brain is slow. I think the brain will adjust in a few more days.

I could very well be in a mixed state but the call with the sis is not confirming either way.

You could handle the rigmarole this time because you know what to expect.

Zyprexa worked so you know you can turn to it now.

Yeah, but all of this sounds like a good rationale for taking it --- you do not need it yet; you are not in an emergency; you do not want more Depakote; Zyprexa could be helpful, . . you are not exactly in an emergency, but the Zyprexa could prevent such. . . .

Mari

Gotcha. All these factors really make for a poor connection and feel for the other person. I gave up talking to a dear friend on the phone because his (then-newly acquired) wife kept interjecting other stuff and i found distressing: the interruptions, the "huh?"s, the not knowing what words were directed at whom and the overall less-than-subtle attempt at 3-way conversation. Add to the distractionsshe has, that your sister is acting differently (impatient/irritated) whether or not it's about you, makes a poor recipe for a personal connection. I'm sorry about that. I hope she starts to feel better and that you two can have warmer, closer conversations soon. This sounds icky.
haha, well i'm glad you do feel that calmness. i have been thinking about looking for a therapist i could see for "special needs" only once in a while. there is the affording it but i intend to try to teach part time, if i can. so an occasional sessions might be doable.

hopefully when you see pdoc he can help you work it out.

to the contrary, i do not want to handle the whole rigmarole - precisely because i know what to expect. i would like to try the tdoc, but am hugely deterred the pdoc. i do not want her but the state services operate as a package deal only.

yes, i'd much rather prevent... taking it for a week right now might be enough to settle me right down instead of messing up the next who knows how many months. Depakote would probably help without the weight factor, but it also has a narrower therapeutic range... Zyprexa really covers so many fronts were it not for the weight it would be a magical sanity pill. thanks for affirming me.

i have informed my mother for meal planning purposes that i will be off carbohydrates. i started this morning - no sugar in my coffee. I put cinnamon in it thought. later will continue research to check if cinnamons' mechanism in lowering blood sugar would be better or worse for the body with Zyprexa, and whether it might reduce carb craving. too bleary brained right now

naptime



~ waves ~

I truely hope that you find some middle ground soon and start sleeping and feeling better((hugs))