[waves]

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!


it's only been a week. but it started sudden and intense much more with euphoric type stuff but now i am having racing thoughts trouble keeping still and snap at the slightest provocation. i can still go logic and say that is minimal but the blood just keeps on boilin and the nerves keep on jumpin. after about 3 days of it i forgot to take ANY meds - for 2 days - so i don't guess that helped. i took em the next day, except the Zoloft i only took 25 mg instead of 50 for one day, but now, i ain't touchin that stuff with a ten foot pole!

my pdoc piZZZZZZZZZZZZed me off BIG TIME the other day - he was abrupt. a dumb thing i guess but i didn't deal well. when i got out i went n got discretely drunk. later dinner plus a whole huge bar of white chocolate. result: indigestion and no Depakote that night for fear i'd toss...

oh and i had agreed with pdoc to go 25mg on the Zoloft...
but SKKURRRROOOO that, HA!

* i cannot even handle caffeine right now

* normally, i can't function without caffeine!

i am just SPACY TRACY tracing thoughts everywhere and to the moon included which by the way i saw a beautiful quarter moon the other night where you could just see the glow of the rest of the orb... so sweet.

i am changing the air in the apartment like big time.
the kkkkkold air feels good? LOL!
i am doing breathing and focus stuff. then i have to cook.

this isn't one of those "good" hypo thingies i enjoy... much too labile and the energy is tending more to irascibility restlessness and distraction it is not productive only uncomfortable. i even almost screwed up cooking lately multitasking to the hilt and overlooking stuff... recovered by the skin of my teeth. but cooking is grounding i think so not going to give up. just hope i don't burn my moms pans rofl!

i could be cycling and could cyle out of this. speaking of cycle, PMS often dampens hypomania for me ... perhaps it will help along with getting the meds on track again. Else i'll have to raise my Depakote, for sure, i cannNOT go ON like this.


GRRRAARRR please let this QUIT this is so NOT KEWL!

~ waves ~

[Brain patch]

Waves,
I don't know anything about bi polar but I think you need to take your meds. Could be me but this post is not sounding right. Hope your doing better today. Try for balance. Best of luck to you.

[waves]

Originally Posted by Brain patch

Waves,
I don't know anything about bi polar but I think you need to take your meds. Could be me but this post is not sounding right. Hope your doing better today. Try for balance. Best of luck to you.

hi Brain Patch, nice to meet you.

yes you are right - and i AM trying to be better about the meds. but you know forgetting is like... when you remember it's in the past tense. i think being manicky like this is part of why i started forgetting to begin with. only the Zoloft is an antidepressant and makes mania worse so its a good thing i forgot it before, and best to keep staying off it now, pdoc would agree if he knew things were escalating - have been down this road in the past with that. the other meds should help if i can remember to get them down... i just started using my pillminder again that should help because the meds are more handy that way. maybe i should a repeating alarm on my cellphone to take them, that is a good idea, thanks.

thanks so much for responding that was so thoughtful of you. thank you.

~ waves ~ who made lots of messes in the kitchen again today ROFL and i did burn a pan sort of but i rescued it. i think. now i am watching Hercule Poirot yippee

[Mari]

Waves,


Contact the pdoc. He might make a med or other suggestions. More importantly, he needs to know what is going on.

Remember, medicating for bipolar is not a DIY job. You have him as a partner.

I hope that you are o.k.

Mari

[waves]

Dear Mari


you know i always appreciate your input. and in any case i appreciate your being here for me.

the thing is pdoc saw me the day before yesterday. i told him about the euphoria, the meds, the lability and irascibility so the twerp already knows what is going on. coming into spring is a strange time for me to get manic so it may not last long anyway. if anything at all, i tend to get depressed in spring but i don't really have a fixed seasonal pattern and the depression is not a given.

anyway, today is saturday i couldn't contact him if i wanted to, nor tomorrow, and i don't want to.

i am not going to call him nor monday either coz i'm ****** as all HHH coz he acted really cold to me then said i was right but did not apologize and did not seem like he gave a rats patootie so he can kiss mine. he did this at end of session no less, worst of timing. jerk!

besides he might not even make med changes lots of times he says lets see how things go i am the one to push and heck in spite of what i told him he wanted me to stay on zoloft... hellllooo???? yes i know it's a risk period for depression but i have to change antidepressant if i do need one anyway so no reason to stay on that crap when i'm walking a buzzwire.

menses are due. if that doesn't nip this i will up my Depakote to 1000mg which is baseline dose for acute mania tx, increase more on weekly basis, if not enough. that is what he would rx i've been down this road before too right now he can sit pretty and be cold to his other patients i have no patience and no tolerance for more sht from him.

so yeah i will DIM in this case at least for a while. also pdoc cannot make me remember meds. i will do the alarm setting thing to try to fix that problem..... hopefully i remember to set it... argh, i see dog chasing tail..

~ waves ~

[Mari]

Originally Posted by waves

i will do the alarm setting thing to try to fix that problem..... hopefully i remember to set it... argh, i see dog chasing tail..

~ waves ~

Waves,

Set the alarm.
It is O.K. to take meds early when you remember.

Do you have a good med plan for tonight and tomorrow?

Tell us what it is.

Can you take the full 1000 Depakote tonight and Sunday?


Mari

[Mari]

Originally Posted by waves

so yeah i will DIM in this case at least for a while.

Waves,

You will contact him Monday.

Tonight and Sunday, you will throw everything at the hypo.
Mostly, I want to make sure that you sleep tonight.
Do you have a good sleep plan? :

Mari

[waves]

Dear Mari

i appreciate that you feel you have to say that, but i have no intention of contacting Dr. Ice Ice Baby monday and i was thinking of cancelling my thursday appt which i will definitely if i am still mad at him and probably in any case. i can't deal with more crap like he was dishing when i'm like this.

i have been sleeping, fwiw. it's when i'm awake i have problems. i got some brandy - i am using to make irish coffee its cheaper than baileys - i finished my baileys. sometimes have an irish coffee before sleep as a nightcap. today i had an afternoon cap. and yes i am using strictly decaf coffee.



~ waves ~

[Mari]

Originally Posted by waves

Dear Mari
i have been sleeping, fwiw. it's when i'm awake i have problems. i got some brandy - i am using to make irish coffee its cheaper than baileys - i finished my baileys. sometimes have an irish coffee before sleep as a nightcap. today i had an afternoon cap. and yes i am using strictly decaf coffee.



~ waves ~

Waves,

The truth is I do not care a lot about whether you contact him or not. I will stop mentioning him except to say that I am sorry he hurt you. I am not happy when he moves into jerk territory.

1 Tell me the medication plan for the weekend.
2.Tell me what you took today.


Mari

[waves]

Dear Mari

ok i thought i kinda went through that but i will try to be very specific....

i am not changing meds for now... not until menses. unless you count not taking any zoloft but i haven't been that's not really a change per se.

after menses if i'm still like this i will go up to 1000mg depakote.

the med plan is to try to make sure i get them down, period, which i have not been doing consistently due to forgetting. using my pillminder should help i need to set a recurring alarm reminder in my phone. tell you what i will set that now. let's hope my phone memory isn't overloaded or it won't go off. but that's the most i can do.... oops i'm being called to heat the veggies... dinner time... hopefully i'llr emember later

~ waves ~