Dear Majo,

If this guy has half a brain, he will figure out something went awry. He will most likely guess the text has been translated. If he doesn't figure that out, he might be confused, but I very much doubt he will think something is wrong with your dad.

When there is a long text with errors arising from google translator, those errors are often very unnatural and it is usually apparent there has been a translation. A native speaker, even one with learning disabilities or mental retardation, does not make the same kinds of errors.

Anyway, if he asks you about it, just explain (and make no apology, none is warranted). If he makes assumptions you can try to set him straight but if he's set in them, then I return to my first point... it would seem apparent he doesn't have half a brain - let him get lost in his own ignorance and be done with him.

Next - and in saying this, I don't mean to make light of what happened, but you already have enough on your plate so, might you try think of it this way? ...

Ten years from now, when you look back on this, you will laugh so hard they will be able to hear you in China. ;)

=================================

I don't know how you can resolve the school stuff. Would you have money to live if you gave up on the trips (and if so, would that be an acceptable compromise)?

As to choosing classes, FWIW, I have personally found that subjects I enjoy more - even if they require more effort - cause me less stress than things I don't enjoy so much. Do you have the possibility of requesting an Independent Study as a class? You'd have to come up with a topic and find a willing professor, but then you could choose something you want to study and make an agreement with the professor as to how you are evaluated. I don't even know if your school system has this kind of option. :o

:hug::hug::hug:

love

waves.

Apparently I have found a decent class... :rolleyes: it is about neuroendocrinology... Oh I do have to learn a lot about that !

Waves, I dont know if I will laugh in ten years, but let me tell you that for today you just made me laugh hard... Do you hear me there ? :D :hug: no friends in China so I cant check... LOL I love you :hug:

Bizi, no clue !!!! Seriously... Dad likes him, he is like the son he never had :rolleyes: so he thought it would be a good idea...

Still feeling embarrased and silly... And mad with dad.

The worst thing is that this guy wont tell me anything... Only God knows what he is thinking :Sob:

glad to hear you found a class - Neuroendocrinology sounds fantastic! I want to audit it with you!!! :D:D

I am really glad I made you laugh! :):):hug::hug:

Your dad had a nice thought. I understand your embarrassment, all the same.

I would just put the matter to rest unless he brings it up... but also, please re-read post above. I added more about this matter while you were replying it seems.

love

waves

If he has a girl friend then why are you breaking your heart over him, I would end all communication, self preservation.
just my opinion. save yourself from future misery.
bizi

Well... Girlfriends come, girlfriends go. Not that I don't see your point. I do.

I agree it is ideal in such circumstances to turn away and find a good person who is available. If anything, one can say to oneself, that if this is meant to be, an opportunity to be with the (currently unavailable) person will present itself in the future, regardless of what we do and of whom we might be with.

However I also understand Majo's difficulty letting go of feelings. I personally find it hard to turn off feelings based on circumstance. My feelings do change depending on how someone treats me, but their having a girlfriend is simply a circumstance. I can avoid inappropriate behavior, out of respect for the relationship, but turning off the feelings is a different kettle of fish... for me anyway.

waves

Oh Bizi how I wish I could close chapters in my life that easily.... I cant. When he talks to me, he makes my days brighter.... with just a smile, he makes me feel happy at least for an hour :o

Like I said before, somewhere in another thread, I do wonder if it would be better to just stop talking to him... but, being extreme has always been my problem :o Maybe it is better to have him as a friend, I mean, if he cant be my boyfriend, at least we can be friends.... :rolleyes: Complicated.

waves, I would LOVE to have a class with you as a classmate !!! Oh that would be HEAVEN !!! :hug: :)

Alright, tonight I just feel like my life is completely ruined :o

Is he a student too? Where do you see him? in the lab? neighbor?
just curious.
bizi

Mayo

You are a special person, and your special person will come along. Don't let it bother you what your dad has done. Just realize that its his thoughts.

And what the guy thinks is just that.

Donna:grouphug::hug:

Majo,

Truthfully and honestly, your life is only a little bit ruined. :eek: :cool: :D
Instead of thinking in black and white, you can think in shades.

The life path might be brownish with brighter spots mixed in.
Also it is lined with beautiful colored leaves and blooming flowers.

Mari

http://i419.photobucket.com/albums/p...ps8306c015.jpg

((((((Mari))))))) :hug: :hug: :hug:

You made me smile :) Thank you for that.

You know, you are so right... actually, doc keeps telling me that.... The problem with people that has borderline pd is, that we think black and white. He gave me a pic which shows all the colors, as a reminder, of what you just said :hug:

He didnt even reply dad's mail.... Go figure.

Oh well.... case closed I guess. Im not going to ask him anything.

I LOVE YOU ALL. FACT. :grouphug: :hug:

Oh I get the scholarship.....but I got to a point where I was done. I went back when I was 50 to finish the 4 year degree.

As far as being upset about your Dad's note, PLEASE REST ASSURED when I use the translator for foreign friends, I realize and they realize a translator or broken language is used. No one laughs or teases about language barriers, that would be like laughing at other traits. If someone were ever to laugh they are not frind worthy.

You really do not need to waste a brain cell what your friend thinks, if he is honorable he loved receiving he congrats on his very special day.
I can promise you it was nothing for you o fret over, just kindness. Oh boy how many times my parents made embarrassing statements to others about me. I survived. Now my parents are passed and I miss speaking to them.
:hug: love
Di

(((((((Di))))))))

I really feel blessed for having such wise friends like you.... Im having a bad moment right now.... One of those when Im trying to contain myself, to control my impulses.... And I came here, to read, and calm down and found your post.... :hug:

Perfect timing ! :hug:

Thank you so much.

You all here are the best thing that could happen to me in my life. :grouphug:

dear Majo, I am sorry you are having a hard time right now.
read some from your bible, what ever works.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Thank you dear Bizi :hug:

Seriously, just coming here gives me lots of peace :hug: :hug: :hug:

Went to the gym, sweat all my demons away :o Right now I just feel like crying.... haha. Gym does weird things to my mood :o

I love you all so much.

Hi Majo
 

Dear Majo

Well the gym is good for your body and maybe you need a good cry right now. Sometimes that's how it is. Crying releases endorphins too remember. Just don't overdo - have a good bawl and then stop. Do you have anyone there to comfort you? Maybe your mom?

I'll hold you in my thoughts, ok sweetie? :circlelove:

love

waves

The Gym can do that to me too, Majo. :hug: :hug: :hug:


M

My lovely Mar Jo, you also bring joy to us. Your youth is refreshing, the travels, research, such fun to read. The love you share I know I feel it and makes me feel blessed.

Life ill one day slow down, you will remember like Bizi says the rough times like a small distant memory. Life can hurt, but gives us love too. Most days we just hope for peace and a comfortable bra. Lol that was a joke, try as I may one does not exist.

Sending a hug, you know what is better hn a hug from us? A daddy's hug. Wrap your arms around him nd get the biggest bear hug he'll give. I never hugged my a dad enough and miss that.
Love you my friend,
Di :hug:

I read your lovely posts last night but couldnt reply because I was too emotional :) :hug: :o

Seriously, the gym makes me feel so odd.... I have checked my blood sugar levels and are normal.... but I always cry after the gym ! You should see me crying like a river while doing the bike.... :rolleyes:

I love you all very much. This is the only please where I know I wont get hurt and where I feel loved :hug:

Thank you so much for all your support, love and beautiful posts :hug:

Let there be tears of joy that you are taking care of yourself by biking. this is good. YOu are doing a good job. continue to try to take care of your needs.
Eating well, exercising and getting enough sleep and prayer time meditation time if you do that.... are so important!
bizi

Im bad my friends... It's been a while since I have troubles every day... I feel good one second, want to die the next second... I screw up my relationships with people, "friends", family....

Yes, I have talked with pdoc and we have tried different things but once again, I feel great 2 hours, and then, everything is darker again...

I really want this period of my life to get over.

I feel dizzy due to all the emotions I experience a long the day...

I feel weird... Seriously, Im worried because I think Im getting really insane... Completely crazy... I cant control myself and my life is a total mess...

How do you ask for forgiveness ? How do you ask for not a second chance but a 100th one !? :(

we all make mistakes. only those who don't care are 'bad'
 

Majo,

Sounds to me like you are pulling a serious headtrip on yourself girl. I bet you don't screw up as badly as you think.

It's ok to make mistakes and people will forgive them. You can ask - sometimes you can even not ask and they will forgive anyway. One mistake or 100 does not make you a bad person. Your wariness of mistakes and desire for forgiveness demonstrate your sense of conscience. People who are truly bad lack conscience.

If you think you are a bad person, though, it is easy to think that is what others think too.

If you can't help feeling like you are bad, could you see that as a judgment? Consequently, what if I asked you to suspend judgment on yourself? Could you try that?

I am saying, if you cannot believe you are good, then how you draw the line at believing you are however you are. (Yes, even circular logic occasionally has its uses.)

:circlelove:

waves

p.s. The rapid moodswings are a borderline trait... but often in borderlines they are triggered by thoughts and perceptions. If you adjust your perceptions, you can nip the moodswings in the bud, or at least reduce their intensity.

My waves...

How I wish I could hug you right now...

Im tired you know, I take my meds, I take therapy from time to time, I read books about BPD, I swear to myself, to the Gods and to the people close to me that Im going to change, that Im going to contain myself and then, I fail again... I mess up people, their days, my life... And I have to start again, but Im not sure the people around me can/want to start over again with me...

I dont know what to do anymore... :Sob: Im desperated.

Hi sweetie.

I don't know if it helps to know this or not, but here goes:

I've messed up bunches and bunches too.
I've made other people miserable.
I've been a high-maintenance friend, girlfriend, daughter, student, employee and whathaveyou.
I've disappointed people over and over.
I could go on and on.

I still do those things. (except the employee and student because I am unemployed and not in school. :()

Try not to ask too much of yourself.

I am sorry you feel desperate. I understand the feeling. Try to find a tiny, ever so tiny bit of hope in there. Here's one way you can suggest to yourself: the future isn't written. It's possible things could change even if they haven't yet. As long as you aren't dead, there is hope to be had.

So, all you have to do right now, is LIVE. Try to feel well. Be kind to yourself. Nurture yourself. The rest will come. Rome wasn't built in a day.

love

waves

Thank you waves :hug: :hug: :hug:

I have annoyed many people... :( I regret this as you cant imagine... :Sob: If only I wasnt that silly... If only I could had controlled myself... :Sob:

I love you :hug:

(((((HUGS))))))
learning how to love yourself and take good care of yourself takes time and a real commitment to yourself.
yOu deserve to be loved and respected. If you have wronged someone and it is appropriate to apoligise then do that as sincerely as you sound here and as privately as you can.
the important thing to remember in all of this is that the goal is to become moderate. Coming to center...to yourself. learning how to calm yourself, soothe yourself. You are your number one priority right now.
I wish for you some calmness.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Thank you Bizi :hug: You always give me peace :)

I need to calm down.... I grew up believing that to calm down I should repeat to myself "calm down, everything is going to be alright", but to be honest, the more I think to calm down, the more anxious I feel... :rolleyes: awesome....

I wont sleep until I can talk to that person tonight and I will try to gain his forgiveness...

If you have some time, please pray for me... I really need it tonight.

Much love. :hug:

Is anybody awake at this time ?

Hi Blue. I just sent you a pm. Steve:hug::hug::hug:

Reading it sweetheart :hug:

Hi, Majo,

'Lots of hugs.

Maybe good sleep helps you. Sleep and then take a walk or do something nice for yourself on Wednesday and every day after. :) :hug: :)

I wish you felt better.

Mari

Thank you Mari :hug:

I wanted to talk with a person I had a problem with this afternoon but I fell asleep for a couple of hours and that person didnt read my message yet so :(

Maybe that relationship is lost :Sob:

I have come to a point where even sleeping makes me feel anxious... How sweet !!!

Thank you for your posts and love :hug:

Mayo

That person may just not have been on yet. Give them time.

As many know I've been gone for a few days. I didn't get on
the computer at all. So I would think its possible your friend
had the same thing happen.

Donna:hug::grouphug:

Thank you Donna, you were right :hug:

I fell asleep at about 3:30 am waiting for him to log in, but it was just today at around 11 he finally replied to me :)

I think he forgived me for the 100th time.... I dont want to mess things up again with him... :( My God.... I have to control somehow.... :Sob:

Let go of it now.
take a walk get outside....
((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

Thank you Bizi.

I will go have food with mom somewhere :hug:

Thanks for being here :)

Majo,

I hope that you are o.k. and that today goes well for you.

Mari

Thank you beautiful, same to you.... It is mom birthday, but I dont feel like doing much.... It is a cloudy day here so I think Im staying home, actually bed reading about BPD... :o

No lab for me today hehe

Happy day for everyone reading this :hug:

Hi Majo,

Hope you have a good day. :heartthrob: Happy Birthday to your mom! :)

waves

Thank you my waves :hug:

I have been reading, next to my lava lamps and then did my gym :)

It's been a while since I felt this inner peace... :o

Great evening fir all you my loved ones ! :hug:

That is cool, Majo.

Cherish the good times. :D :cool:

Mari