Yes, we have all found ways to cope.
For example, I go to a very small branch (almost tiny) of a huge grocery chain because I want little stimulation and the workers know me and leave me alone but help when I request it.

It is great that you enjoy the outdoors. Being with Nature I believe keeps one whole.

Mari

Bizi, Waves and Mari
 

I know my med file says BP I and II in different places, probably the admin people aren't sure of the difference like me. It is confusing. I have been manic several times, ER manic and my psychiatrist has not witnessed those episodes. I saw the duty psychiatrist in the ER. I am going to ask my doc when I see him Thur.

Sometimes I forget who I am now and I will sign up to do things that I used to love to do (host dinner parties for example) I will invite, plan meal and then wonder what the heck I am doing but it is too late and I have to follow through, having forgotten that I prefer to be home alone now w Trip. Also if I have people over there is a pretty good chance they will reciprocate in some fashion which is also a struggle. Last night in fact, I was invited to a new neighbors house. I had them over w a couple that knows me real well a couple months ago. It ruined my day I was so anxious about it all day. They said I could bring Trip, that helped.

Yesterday I replaced some of my potted plants-that is good of my soul. I went to yoga and for a run, as I couldn't sit still.

I wish I had a grocery like you Mari. My Costco people know how I am, I whip in there first thing in the AM and get out quick. I go weekly so no trip is too long. I would like to say I am saving money from not shopping in malls but I seem to do too well shopping on line--avoidance.

One more thing, my parents closed on the house that the three of us will move into this week. Now, I am independent but 100% disabled from the VA. My retirement is 01 Sept. I am anxious about it all. We are taking the first load of furniture out to the new house mid Aug. I look forward to having my folks there for me and me being there for them. I have the top floor of the house to myself but I am anxious about sorting my belongings to what I will need while I live there (indef) and what I will store. My space has always been super important to me, I need my nest, I really spend most of my time alone and I hope they respect that. It is huge but living in a much more rural environment will help me. That is just where I am today. I get my last military paycheck on the 15th then the VA kicks in(hopefully on time) and I am anxious about that too. Thank you guys.

HI, TBI/PTSD,

Those are big changes.
Do you have a therapist helping you with how you feel about your retirement next month?
Rural will be good because you will have fewer people around. However, you end up getting closer to them and knowing more about each other. There is good and bad in rural but you can make it work for you.
I imagine that moving in with parents (even though you will have your own floor) is causing consternation even though you are looking forward to it.

I have one big issue with staying with my parents.
Inside temperature:
They keep their inside temperature hot in the summer and cold in the winter. Their temps are so far off mine that I cannot visit them. They visit my husband and me once a year and stay in a nearby hotel for a few days -- they would rather get on a plane to come here than adjust their thermostat.

Other things with them like noise level or sleep times or keeping the kitchen clean or sharing the washing machine are manageable and reasonable.

I used do those things you mentioned like agree to do something with someone and then need to back out of it. I am getting better (not perfect yet) about reminding myself that I should never offer and try to never accept. It is hard to do that because it is a reminder of a limited life.

I suppose one can look at this kind of life as not really limited. We are busy in our heads and I think we have a humongous amount of stimulation going on compared to what other people have -- our inner lives are so big that we do not need to meet or plan activities with other people.

My old therapist reminded me constantly to limit stress and I think that she might have been talking about that. She wanted me to do more "breath work" as she called it and that was really the only work she gave me along with acceptance and remembering to eliminate as much as possible in order to be stress free. She included in that suggestions on keeping my living space clean and clutter free.
Your yoga and exercise is good.
Do your parents have a place for you to garden?

Mari

I use to hate going into Supermarkets,7-11 stores,pharmacies,movie theaters,and church. I felt like I was going to scream outloud,or freak out while everyone was silent. These thoughts would flash through my mind. I had borderline impulses to get up,and to leave. I was,and still am uncomfortable around people.

I worked in a Supermarket for just under 14 years. That helped me somewhat,but the worse part of it was to get along with everyone. That seemed to be impossible because some people would step right on you if you where nice all the time. I had many confrontations with people who started trouble over the years.

I learned that most people are absorbed with their own problems. We had many customers who had a spectrum of special needs.

People who work as pharmacists are loaded with work,and responsibility.

I'm just rambling on.:) BF:hug::hug::hug:

heya Steve
 

I enjoy your "ramblings", Steve, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. :):hug:

Many of us, myself included, have at some time encountered the kinds of things you are talking about. We can relate. :grouphug:

Have a good day today. Oh. It's night where you are. Oops. Ok. Well, have a good night, and a good day tomorrow! :heartthrob::circlelove:

waves

Hey Waves. Thank you for liking my rambling. I like your messages, communications,teaching,speaking,and comments. You have a wealth of knowledge,wisdom. Thank you for being my friend. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Temperature.....
 

Oh we have something in common! Temperature! That is crazy, that is one of my biggest concerns. I HATE to be hot, I have been hot at there house here because of the pellet stove. I have a clock that has the temperature.

My therapists are helping me w retirement. It is hard, it is all I have ever wanted to do (serve as Marine) perfect place for someone who is intense like me. It was the perfect fit for me prior to my injury. My whole family has served, Navy, Army and I chose the Marines.

There is a laundry room upstairs and down too (yeah!) but you are right, the kitchen the fridge space ( I think I will bring my own fridge for all of my veggies and fruit for smoothies). It doesn't have to be permanent. I want to keep everything the movers pack up for me packed up. Which means I will not have access to all of my things, that also means a lot of planning. My mom told me to bring some of my things to put about the house so I feel more at home. I told her thanks, but I don't want to intermingle. I want to make my space my utopia.

I will take all of my plants, yoga stuff, sewing stuff, books, and kayak, running/exercise stuff. Oh yeah, recipes too.

I really like what you said about the stimulation going on inside of me and that more it too much. Sometimes I get ****** when people stop me to exchange hello's and chat to me in the neighborhood, sometimes it is ok. Besides they don't understand and I am certain they think I am a crabby patty. I don't care anymore. I gotta remember that this is my life and I have to do what is best for me.

I have to drive to the hospital to get Orthodics this am. They open at 0800, I will get there at 0600 so I don't have to deal w traffic. Does traffic bother you?

I am excited to be rural so very excited. Thanks for your post.

BFi feel like that too
 

I have the same feelings, like everyone will be silent and I will be screaming, or everyone will be hustling about and I will fall out on the ground with a splat and people will keep stepping over me. I often hear people criticizing me in my head and I think of nasty things to say to them in reply. I am working on that one with my doc currently.

14 years in that public of a work space is a long time. I couldn't do that. I agree with you about the masses of humanity wow, sometimes in general I think they are all bad, rarely do I think they are good.

Thanks for your reply, you have great think to say! Thanks for the support.

ramble away steve, I like reading about your life.:)
bizi

I also hear people criticizing me in my head after having worked at that Supermarket. It would start just before I would go to work. I also hear a whispering sound,but it's not that way all of the time. If I'm nervous in the public,I may hear it start at some point. It's from having been through so much criticism in a business that became so unprofessional. They are out of business now. I moved before that happened. I got criticized at other places in my life. It's damaging if we are sensitive people. Some people say that they let it roll off of their shoulders. They say that it goes in one ear,and out the other. I never could do that. I'm still medicated,and going through therapy for all of the things that damaged my heart,memory,and self esteem. BF:hug::hug::hug:

TBI/PTSD Thank you. I almost joined the Marine Corp years ago,but family asked me not to. I deeply admire your service in the Marine Corp. I'm sorry that you got hurt in the service for your country. I just wanted to let you know that.

There are several things that I wanted to be. A scientist,or a soldier,or a policeman. I was not able to do any of them. I kept getting emotional problems. BF:hug::hug::hug:

I am sorry that you suffer so steve.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Thank you bizi. BF:hug::hug::hug:

BF
 

Acceptance is the key brother. That is what I am learning anyway. Sometimes I don't get what I want, I get what I need. Thanks for your note, I can relate.

Just to confirm....
 

I met w my doc yesterday and he confirmed BP I is my diagnosis. I think it was Waves that said "if your PDOC did witness the mania himself, you may be 2" not at all a direct quote and I am sorry if I minced your words! Have a great Friday.

Yes, makes sense. How are you doing?
 

This makes total sense based on what you said about having been super manic.

Yes, it's me you are thinking of. :) I did say something about your paperwork maybe showing something other than BP1, if your pdoc had not seen you manic.

--------

How are you doing with the Latuda these days?

Have you seen improvement in any symptoms since increasing it to 40mg?

Take good care :)

waves

Hi there!

Just wondering how you are?

waves

Hello All....
 

I went to see out new house with my folks for 4 days. We didn't have Internet but I have been thinking about my BP peeps. I love the house, loved cleaning it and making it ours, loved establishing boundaries. I MUST have my space be my space, they didn't know but they do now. There will be more incidents I am sure. I went for an 8 mile run down Main Street I have always wanted to live in a place where I could do that. The sad thing is I really don't remember much of the trip. I am a little worried about that. We worked hard and my sleep schedule was way out of whack. We went to Lowe's but I can't recall going. I was with my mom....thank God. I bought my very own new toilet seat and some other stuff but I found the receipt since I got home and that reminded me. I took them to dinner and hardly remember. I don't remember setting up our beds with my Dad when we got there.

I am not sure if it is TBI, BP, I took an Ativan but that doesn't slick my memory like that. I was super tired and anxious and stressed too.

Anyway, I am back I have missed being in touch!

Hey TBI/PTSD I'm glad that things are going OK for you. I know what you mean about needing your space. If you can,try to get some rest. Moving can be stressful. BF:hug::hug::hug:

HI!
 

Oh that sounds great! I am happy for you. I totally understand about the space. I don't exactly have it but I am fortunate to have a roof right now. I do miss it though. I know how important it is. Lots of things I don't do because of lack of privacy.

Wow 8 miles is a long run. During the relatively short period that I ran, I worked up to nearly 3 miles... I cannot imagine doubling it let alone tripling it, LOL, but it sure does feel good doesn't it? I too liked to run outside, especially in rural areas. I like the natural sights, sounds and smells. :)Well, it could be benzo-induced anterograde amnesia. It can happen with any benzo and there can be isolated occurrences of it. This kind of amnesia would impact recall of events shortly before taking the benzo and can include events while under the influence. I had at least one incident of this nature with a benzo I took for years without problems.

In my case, I was in hospital, parents visited, I had psych testing in the morning. 10 days later I asked when they would do the psych testing. It turned out I did not remember my parents' visit either. When the doc mentioned aspects of the psych test, he sparked my recollection somewhat. Similarly, my parents were able to elicit partial memories of their visit. But the overall recollection remained very vague. I've read "prompting" can sometimes help with anterograde amnesia.

I've also read that benzo-induced anterograde amnesia is more likely in association to
-- stressful or traumatic events
-- insufficient sleep

In summary, I think it's quite plausible the Ativan in combination with the stress and lack of sleep could be at the root of this memory lapse, and that it could be an isolated thing. I'd discuss it with your doctor all the same.

Glad to see you back! :)

:hug:

waves

The traumatic brain injuries,and the stress from moving are probably the reasons for the lack of memory. The PTSD is a difficult thing to live with. That's why you need the space from other people.

I hope that you have a good night. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Hi,

That is good that the house trip helped you recognize the need for boundaries and that you communicated that need.

Re memory issues: Sleep and meds could be the cause, but other things could be going on as well. I find that I am taking pictures on my phone a lot these days so that I can return to what I was doing the day before.
In a way, the pictures are also saving me stress. Instead of worrying about what I am supposed to remember, I can look through my pictures to see what happened. The pics jog my memory.
Otherwise I am living every moment wondering what I will need to remember the next day or a few days from now.


That is lovely. You live in a good place where you can have safety and freedom.

Mari

Thank you for being there. And so fast too.
 

Thanks BF, Waves, and Mari--you guys always make so much sense. I think I do need sleep and rest etc.... But I am restless too. I need groceries from being away from home and haven't gone to resupply because I just couldn't. I just don't want to be in the urban area anymore. The plan was that I am supposed to go between the rural and urban until next March when I put my house on the market. I was so at peace out there in the rural no one knew me and I liked it so much. I don't think I will make it until next March. I want to go now. I want to cry just thinking about it. I felt so much safer. It is all so green and lovely, less buggie, less humid, much less busy and so much safer.

Today I shopped a bunch on line at 0300 this morning. I know it is because I am so put of sorts and I am looking for comfort.

Life is so much more complicated than it used to be.

Thanks guys.

Hi,

Can you buy groceries on line?

I think you are doing great. You are making plans to sell the house and move to a better locale.
In the rural area will you have convenient access to medical facilities?

Do you have to prepare your house to sell? I hope not. Some realtors make suggestions and give their people work to do like a fresh coat of paint or moving out some stuff.

I can appreciate that, especially the less buggie.

Mari

You are so kind!
 

I have lived here for 5 years, the longest time I have lived any one place my entire life! That being said, it does need some paint and trim work, I have some nail pops, and it needs new carpet in the basement. I am just going to offer a flooring allowance so I don't have to deal with it.

I have been taking the time to do things like today I super cleaned the fridge. I sort things to donate, sell or dump as I see things. When I get tired of the house stuff, I turn to retirement stuff or medical board package stuff, trying to take it all in stride.

Have a good night Mari.

moving is such a big job, good that you are starting it... good for you!:)
bizi

Wow I'm totally impressed! You are really on top of this moving thing.

I am excited for you, too. The new place and environment sounds wonderful. :)

waves

News flash....!
 

Latuda got its identifier recently per my psychiatrist. So no more trials. It is identified as a medication for BP1 and schizophrenia. That is a loose description of what I know about it. I do know it is the only thing that has brought me this far in all of this. I am still. Anxious and depressed and somewhat flat as opposed to being my old jovial self. My friend tells me my sunshine has dulled up a bit. On the other hand the depression doesn't seem to be as bad either. I got dosage increased to 60 MG today so I hope if even better!

Have a good night guys.

I am glad that you are seeming to be responding to this medication.:)
bizi

Good news! I hope you continue to feel better! :)

I am so glad that the medication is helping. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Thanks
 

Thanks Bizi and Waves. After trying so many med combos I am super happy to something that seems to work, doesn't cause weight gain, and the rest of the side effected are tolerable.

I bought my own DSM5so. I can read up. On my diagnosis' that may sound odd to someone who doesn't have this.

Thanks,

Hi, TBI/PTSD

That is good that Latuda is helping you.
Are you taking it with 350 calories of food?
Most meds are absorbed better with food.
Latuda has it listed:

http://cpnp.org/resource/mhc/2012/12...-dos-and-donts
Also here:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3171824/
I used to get copies of the DSM. When my nurse friend would get a new DSM, she would give me her old copy. I gained a lot by looking through the manual, not only for my meds but other meds as well.

Mari

that is so great!
bobby

Thanks Mari
 

I figured it is close enough to dinner. I usually have dinner no later than 6 and take my Meds around 8. Do you think that is sufficient? Thanks a bunch.

Hi,

Check with a pharmacist or the doc.
My guess is that not all of the medication is getting absorbed if it is taken two hours away from a meal of 350 calories.

Essentially you are getting a lower dose than you were prescribed.
If it is working for you, then O.K.

Mari

no I think you need to take your med right after you eat then take your other meds at 8. sorry just my opinion.
bizi

Heed
 

Thanks all! I will take heed. I certainly feel like I need more Mari and Bizi so I will give it a whirl w dinner. Thanks for your support.

Good luck with that, TBI.

It could work for you.
After four days of of change you might notice improvement ( or anything really).

M

Hi,

Just stopping in to wish you well. :)

waves