I hope that you are doing OK. I know that it's bound to have been a ruff couple of weeks for you. Are you OK? BF

I was at he new house with no internet. I bought a verizon my fi so I will be able to stay in touch when we go back out there Mon. You are right having a rough time...sums it up
I told my mom that I need to have a door on my space, not thinking about a door, not maybe do I want a door, I need a flipping door. She doesn't prefer a door. I told her it was what I needed. I felt bad because she was hurting. I started to feel manic the day before driving home I took a pill and it chilled me out. Tue I woke up and was feeling ok on the 4 hr drive. I called my mom to discuss the wall and how important it is for me. I got home, she continued to be upset. I called my sponsor, told her I couldn't settle down. I did t want to take Ativan because if I did I couldn't drive to the ER IF NEEDED didn't want to ask a neighbor, I didn't want to ask my mom because she was upset w me. My sponsored called my mom, I called my doc. He said I needed to go to ER so parents came to get me, shot of Valium in the rear and an appt first thing the next morning. He increased my Depakote to 1500 and Latuda to 100. He is a good doc.

If they were going to stop paying veterans I would be 100% dependent on my parents. They are supposed to be retiring. If I was married, I would t be in this spot, not married nor do I want to be.

I am just ****** that I was over come by this again. I thought I was further op along and I forgot the nature of the beast and I may never be further along, BP is always lurking over my shoulder.

Thank you so much BF

Hi,
Wow, You are a survivor in so many amazing and wonderful ways.
Thank goodness you reached out for help and got the attention you needed.

I do not know how pdocs talk about the cyclical nature of bipolar but I think of bipolar as always one thin layer below the surface.
In my case, it can break through the skin easily and I can become "unglued."
But I think of the objects in space like the space station that have very thin skins --- the thin skins work most of the time and there are safeguards in place when they do not.
(Apologies if that was not helpful.)

By the way, the door is a huge thing to even people who do not have to go through this. I am sorry that your mother did not "get" it.

Mari

Hi

This is why I used to love Xanax -- one can drive without becoming sleepy.
I forget why I asked the pdoc to help me stop it.
I think I was getting side effects.

Mari

Hi TBI/PTSD I understand. I need space from everyone. I lock my doors. I have a camera near the front door so I can see who's there. I lock my doors with multiple locks. I screen my phone calls. I'm bothered when anyone is in my part of the house.

I have had panic attacks while answering the door,and the telephone. I feel bad about it. I don't know what to do about it. I'm a little better with the front door,but the telephone alarms me. Some times when it rings,and if I'm asleep,every muscle in my body suddenly tenses up.

Please try to tell your Mom to not take it personally,it's just that you need space from everyone at times because of what you have been through. Now if she is trying to make you feel bad about it,there could be manipulation involved where she may be trying to get a response selfishly. I'd consider her motive. She probably just doesn't understand,neither can she understand.

I understand thoroughly. You should be getting your pay I would think soon,if not already for the month. I know what you mean. BF

My pdoc asked me if I wanted to go to a hospital now I am staying with my folks and not driving until Thur am. I will get evaluated by him Sat or Sun and I am willing to go if it will help me.i am sad about Trip and possibly being separated from him. It is nice and I feel safe. The wall is going in, we were going to the new house this weekend but postponed it. It will be fine. My mom is thinking about aesthetics I am thinking about privacy. I don't plan on moving on until the door is installed. My sponsored said I am getting better at making boundaries not I needed to work on letting go of people's reactions to them.

You are the best BF. Thank you.

Hi, TBI/PTSD,

You have a good pdoc and sponsor watching out for you.
You will be able to get through this.

Mari

Thanks, I hope I don't have to go to the doc. It may be good to go despite. Being away from trip because I will just be, and not act like I am ok not to cause burden on my family. I feel very fortunate for you guys and the others in my life. They say the season/moon has something to do with this possibly. Thanks

Hugs to you TBI/PTSD.

The thing with your mom/door sounded so stressful. Parents can be overbearing even when they do not mean to be, especially when they do not get it. It does sound like you did pretty well standing your ground. And am also glad you have your sponsor and your pdoc to help you.

About the hospital do what you need; it will be ok.

I am sending you soothing thoughts.

waves

take care of yourself that is the most important thing and it sounds like that is what you are doing.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi