So for those of you who know the story, here is a recap....I am moving in with my folks into their retirement home. I have my own stair case that they always use. When you come to the top of my staircase, you turn a hard right and there is a big open room with out a door but it is clearly it's own room. It is my living area room for a couch, TV sewing, computer, yoga etc... If you walk thru the big room there is my bedroom that does have a door.

I told my parents that I want a door put on the big room. I will get estimates and pay for it. Well to a laymen's eye it looks like the structure will have to be altered a bit but I am not sure how much. My mom is and has been anti door and yesterday came out and said "your dad and I are doing everything we can to make the house nice for you but the door to your space alters the house and we don't want to do it." I was sooooooooooo ****** I just told her I needed to think about this and talk about it w my docs. I am going from running my own house and I feel that I need something that is all mine. That I can lock myself and trip away to.

My plan is to get estimates from two contractors to see what it will take to accomplish this so we can have a discussion. In the meantime, I love my mom but don't want to talk to her because I am ****** but miss her.

Get the estimates and the facts so you will be prepared to talk to her. You do need your space as much as possible.
I agree with you.
bizi

I agree with you both.

I also happen to think if the contractor can figure a way to not have
it alter the house. Then she will be more will.

Hope it works out.
I'm thinking of you

Donna

It really stinks that your mom does not understand. It almost seems that she is putting her decor visions over your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.



Maybe take pictures to send to an interior designer. Someone like that can make suggestions different from what a building contractor would come up with.
Or let the contractors / designers build something that is temporary -- something that could be relatively easy to open / dismantle so that both you and your mom can get what you want.

I understand privacy.

Maybe you need to build a little house for yourself or get yourself a condo in town.

Mari

This is odd to me.
Your parents know you.
In their minds they know that you are not going to live in an open area off the staircase.

Your mother is distracted by plans she has for this dream house of hers.
I think she will come around when you come up with some solutions for her.

Mari

Hey TBI/PTSD Gather some non-classified pictures of where you have been deployed in the Marine Corp.,and show her the utter truth of what you've been through. Tell her that you live with these memories,and that they don't seem to go away,so you need some space.

Have her imagine being there,and having bullets flying by,and the Improvised Explosive Devises scattered all over the place. Tell her you need this (((Space))) desperately,or you will be on edge.

Can a pdoc send her a message that you need this comfort zone? BF

Has your mom been with you for a psychiatrist or psychologist session?
I brought hubby a few times to the therapist and it was somewhat helpful.

M

I think my mom has control issues, well I know she does but I think that this is what is getting in the way here. She even said, "this is our home and we don't want you to invest in it" I guess that means she doesn't want me to contribute to it. She is also adamant about me not paying rent for tax purposes. Whatever.

I certainly have thought about buying my own home. If I can make it on my own in D.C. I can make it in the country. I was going to live with them so they could look out for me and i can look out for them. When my mom told me this, I told her that it could be a deal breaker. I also told her that I need to get estimates, facts, talk to my p and t docs then get back to her. I think no door will send me straight to the hospital. I am 43, I don't know what the future holds for me and I know I rate a door. I am not dead yet. Even if one of my friends comes to visit they would want the door too, sure of it.

My friend suggested I have them take off their bedroom door. HA. I JUST REMEMBERED WHEN I WAS 16 they took the door of my bedroom off the hinges as punishment. OMG, I CANT LIVE WITH THAT. MY PARENTS ARE GOOD PEOPLE, I CANT FIGURE THIS OUT.



Thanks for the ideas and support.

What about love beads hanging down. Ha wonder what they would say to that!
bizi

Bizi

I thought of those too. But she said, she needed to be able to lock the
door.

Donna