Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Start the count again.

Let us know when your ready.

We are here.

Donna

just don't be hard on yourself. it takes a lot of strength how long you went without alcohol. you still have that strength but i can imagine the desire.
can you give yourself rewards?
love
bobby

thank bobby, I appreciate your kind words.
I guess forever is not in my vocabulary. I will remain AF until mardi gras march 4th.
hope you have a great day.
My reward is that I made it thru the day seeing all of my clients and gave good service and did not get sick. Nothing bad happened, hubby was very supportive, i insisted he get that other 6 pack.
bizi

I don't know what you mean by this????

Bizi, give your self credit for what you have done, it is hard. You have a great deal of honesty and humility to share with us what you have. Just remember, every day is a brand new day! Keep trudging on sister.

I have not been alcohol free since posting this....sneaux days are making me want to drink. I have a six pack left.....
bizi

Bizi I am here for you. I'm very concerned about this. BF

Since I posted last I have had many drinking nights:

9 black cherry mikes hard lemonade here on out referred to as "drinks"=friday, started at 3pm-1030pm (snow day)
10 small margaritas= monday 5pm-7pm
off work for next 2 days
6 drinks= tuesday-snow day
3 drinks= wednesday(last night), had left over drinks.
I have 3 drinks left and plan on drinking them tonight.
Is three drinks moderation?
I don't think so.
I had 165 days AF under my belt but was always wanting to drink. I could quiet wolfie most of the time some days he howled though.
I did not have the good feelings of sobriety that everyone talks about.
I did not return to my exercise routine,
hell I did not go at all!
I did not start a new hobby.
I did not clean my house.
I did not have clearer skin.
I did not have less anxiety with people in fact I had more social anxiety.
My eating did not improve.
I started gaining the weight back that I lost.
I never did end up having sober sex, poor hubby.(Still haven't had sex). It is an issue with me.

But having said all of that....
Drinking has not helped in any of these areas.
And I know that alcohol is a poison. That my body tries to rid itself of the toxin at the first sip.
I know that my meds don't mix with the alcohol
and I know that I "should not" drink while taking them. My psych doctor would have a fit if she knew that I had been drinking so much.
She said I could have one drink a day.
Who can have just one?
Some say I should look at it this way: that I had 5 drinking days out of 171, that I should not start over to day 1 again.
What do you think?
bizi

i don't think you should start at day one....it would negate all that you were able to accomplish. it is so hard...be gentle with yourself...try not to be critical...you have proved something to yourself....
love
bobby