Yesterday, in a response to a question in the tbi room asking to note the positive things in your life, I was all glowing and happy and wrote down a bunch of things, and today, 24 hours later, I want to take them all back lol.

The same thing happened before my stroke. A month before I was bragging to a guy at work about all the good things in my life. I was taking an maoi and was obeying the food restrictions list.

A month later the same guy at work asked me how I was and all those positives had turned to dire negatives.

That night, I knowingly disobeyed the food restrictions list and had a minor thalamic stroke.

I now go on maoi chat lines and tell the dumb boys, yes its always boys and not girls, in their teens and early twenties to stop testing different beers to see which are ok to drink with their maois!!! like it was a darn game. I then tell them my story. I mixed maois and dark beer a bunch of times until that one last time that got me.

I hope they have listened.

Do you think you were testing the fates? or just stubborn?
bizi

Hi Mark.

It's hard to figure something bad is going to happen, even when we engage in risky behavior. It sounds like you were just tired of the restrictions, right at that time. It's no fun being on a med that won't let one drink or have other things, especially if one is feeling down and despondent.

I'm glad you are getting out there, telling your story to others. Many will take what you say to heart, and some of those will be more careful because of you. You are saving someone, you can be sure.

waves

Mark I know exactly what you mean. I use to be vocal about how I feel. I'd say to an acquaintance that I feel ok,and how are you feeling. Then 12 hours later it would be different,and they would not understand. When I told them about my anxiety,and/or depression,they couldn't grasp what I was going through. I didn't know that much about it myself.

I usual say these days that"I'm hanging in there,and leave it at that. That's the only thing that I know what to say because my condition changes either during the day,or week.

(((But)))you can come here,you can say anything,and we don't judge,and understand most of the things that you are talking about emotionally.
BF

well said steve!
have a good day mark.
How is the sleeping going?
bizi

tempting the fates bizi. In my head, even though I had great job and health, I didn't see it that way. Very self destructive at that time. Wrong medicine to be on when youre self destructive, Oh well. Thanks for caring

hey brokenfriend,

you always relate really well to what I say. I guess we relate to each other because it's the same condition essentially. I just give a quick answer of FINE if asked how I'm dong lol

thanks waves. But it was a pattern of recklessness that rears its head in my life every now and then until even today. One time a took a handful of those pills and downed them with beer in front of a girl that had broken up with me. Crazy stuff like that. I could tell you dozens of stories of things I've done that were just insane. Amazing I'm here. Part of it was I never grew up lol.

This body and brain has been through a lot of damage lol. There's no room for error anymore. hoping for another chance at life!!

Dear Mark,
thank you for sharing. I am sorry it has been so hard on you.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Mark,

It is o.k. to stay in the place of reflecting that you are doing.
You will reach another stage towards your healing (ability to cope) and then reach another one.

Guess what? We have many chances. I notice those chances through out the day that go my way.

M