Waves,


Sending you hugs and well wishes and stamina and some optimism (or something close to it).

I hope you feel better.

Mari

Here is my update, fwiw:

-- 6th day of Lexapro at starting dose of 3mg.

-- Eating normal quantities but at my own times, and own foods.

-- Still having digestion issues.

-- Nausea lately, which has seemed food-related, but could be SSRI-related. If it's the med, I'll know as the level goes up.

-- Still down overall. I am in a spell of having brighter moments, then afterwards feeling drained.

-- Very tired. I slept over 9 hours, 7 to start with, then after an hour tucked back in and slept another 2.5.

I am just not well all around and feeling very sullen about all my friends.

waves

what to say...i am so sorry you are going through this....sleep is a refuge right?
tiredness is related to depression right? i really hope you feel a lot better soon.
life can be so difficult
love
bobby the simpleton...

Thing I can do is send hugs.

Donna

Yes, I think the tiredness could be from the depression. I haven't been sleeping this much though until now. It could be the antidepressant. Or maybe I am catching up.

Last night was the first night I felt I slept well. When I woke up, I thought it was the middle of the night, and was incredulous that 7 hours had passed. I was out like a log the whole time.

That was a relief after the the previous several nights. I'd waking up in a panicky sort of state, or at best anxious, residually from dreaming about stuff that caused those things. The first of these was before I started the antidepressant, so this dreaming is not from that. I think it was just anxiety and worry.

Night before last was the worst of these. I dreamt that I was recently employed. My boss seemed to be a boss I had in real life, with whom there had been a weird thing. I had a lot of anxiety in the real-life job and left after only a month. Anyway, in the dream, I was supposed to go to a client's for the first time, due to show up at 10 am. Unclear if it was my first day at the job, or just at he client's. There was a whole bunch of mixed up stuff, with me having breakfast with a sick friend who needed me and my having to plead out, to go to this client's. It was 7.30 am, plenty of time. I went home to change clothes. Home was my last apartment in Florida. Suddenly it was 9.30 and I couldn't make it in time and was upset that I'd be late my first day at the client's, and how much trouble I'd be in, making my boss look bad. Then, I must have got distracted again. There was something to do with having to take the car in. Then it was 6.00 pm, and I was realizing I had not gone to work. My living quarters were now some sort of dorm room -- one cramped room, and very messy. My father was visiting and I was in a panic, telling him how I had no-showed with my job, and with a brand new client. Nobody had tried to call me, and I figured I was burned. I could not think of even a remotely useful outright lie that would cover a no-show without a call-in. Dad said just call and lay it on the line, as is. I could not fathom how the truth could possibly prevail: how could I present being "distracted" for a whole day, in a way that would seem like I cared about the job. I picked up the phone to call, but was still trying to figure out what to say. That is when I woke up.

Upon waking, I realized it was a dream, and yet, went on for about 5 minutes, stuck, thinking about what I could have said. It was an absurd situation and one that could not happen. I finally shook out of it. Anyway it was awful. Other mornings were similar but without the extended rumination... just the initial panic over somewhat less absurd, but very stressful situations.

waves

I recently started treatment with LEXAPRO.
I am trying to decide whether to increase it tomorrow.

I will not yet be at steady-state for the current dosage, but I started ultra-low, due to potential for side effects, and also interaction with my PPI.

I dont' think the nausea was from the med... but one way to find out is to increase it.

waves

Hi
i just thought after i had my rabbi's class and he was talking about conformity to be a Jew that basically i do things because of me and God....I answer to God and to really nothing else. don't know if that can help you
love
bobby

Thank you for thinking of me, Bobby.

love,

waves

Waves,

I am going to throw out a suggestion in case you see something useful.

I know that what we post on the board is sometimes exactly like our actual days and sometimes not.
Either way, you could cut down what is going on.

You only need three to five things on your mind. Of those five pick three to think about per day and rotate the other two back in somedays.

Put the other ones in a metaphorical or literal filing cabinet. You can pull them out whenever you want.

Take a few vacation days away from the other 22 things that are in the cabinet.
Right now pay attention to three things that reward you for the attention you give them.

M

*edit*

What I have been talking about here, for the past two posts

and in big writing the last time

is, in bigger writing,

my NEW medication!

====================

What possible relevance could an antidepressant have, to a bipolar board. I mean........ not like I'm depressed or anything. Tshhh!

My chemical experiment on myself with new treatments couldn't possibly be important, or warrant an answer from ANYONE now, could it? Or questions. Or maybe anybody wondering how I'm doing??? Nope! Lovely. Thank you, ALL, for your support on this. Really.

I'll just retreat to Candy Crush now, where I can safely exchange lives to squander with anonymous faceless strangers.