Possible triggers for lost medication panic attacks...





So I was going to the pill bag, one of those clear backpacks kids have which is what I keep all the meds in right? I was going to do Jackie's and was almost done, things were fine, I had the pill organizer all set needing one more medication, his abilify, the expensive one...like five hundred dollars a month expensive one and VERY important, I know you've probably heard me raving about how it's helped me, but it's helped Jackie for a lot longer then it's been helping me.

Anyway, I looked and looked, then could NOT find it! The bottle was missing! Or what I thought was missing-I did find it in the pill bag, but it had fallen down and I wasn't seeing it until I stood up and looked down into it in a total and complete panic! I thought I was doing good today, nearly hit a car though, it was turning at the same time we were in a two lane road and a very slow truck was ahead of us and I just didn't look, anyway, enough about the near miss, it didn't happen so it's all good.

Anyway, I was like "OMG! I KNOW we filled it just this weekend, its supposed to be here!" I looked on my desk and the paperwork Walgreens gives you was there for it and his other three meds we had filled this past weekend so I knew it HAD to be here. But I wasn't finding it, I called the pharmacy to double check that we'd picked it up when I thought we had and they told me it had been picked up and I was almost in tears. I really thought someone might have come in while we were sleeping and snagged it just to be annoying and cause us trouble...because it should have been right there in the backpack I keep our meds in, up in the closet, with the pill organizers.

Thank GOD I found it, I was so scared, I don't think I have been that scared in years. The idea that it was gone was so frightening to me, that we might have to somehow cough up five hundred bucks we don't have to cover a mistake I might have made made me sick to my stomach. I prayed to God to help me find them and less then five minutes later I had found it.

I had just about been on a manic high RIGHT before this too, I was singing to my music and really enjoying the day because we finally got our door chains up and Jackie will be as safe as we can make it here now, when I decided to get the meds organized since I plan on going shopping and getting some errands run tomorrow, his last day of summer school for the week. I recognized it as hypomania too and was thinking about how nice it felt to be that UP when suddenly I found myself looking at that abyss of failure and my heart just sank. I am so relieved to have found the medication, I thought I had looked over each bottle but I somehow missed it because it had fallen down.

He no longer takes topamax and the bag has more room in it now so that is why it fell down onto it's side where I missed seeing it though I felt around in the bag and thought I had found all the bottles. Man talk about major anxiety. I just needed to vent, I didn't want to tell Jack about it because he'd just get iritated with me you know? Yet another stupid mistake I make-just what he needs to hear after catching me from having an accident on our way to renew our licenses and change our addresses...He was on me about that and I was like, "It's okay y ou stopped it, I just didn't look, I was focused on the truck and not the side where I should have seen that car." And he did eventually let it die, but man of man he rode me for awhile about it...

Anyway, I have rambled on enough, I am so glad I have you folks to share this stuff with, I would never dream of telling Jack about this attack, he'd just tell me to grow up and it's not a case of being able to control it, it doesn't give up control, it's like anxiety takes your control and you have to fight it to regain your balance. But then I am sure a lot of you know what I mean. So have you done this with your meds before and had the same result? INSTANT fear and panic only to find it later?