i don't know how long you are staying this time but you have been sorely missed with your sensitivity, supportiveness, and brilliance. I pray things are beginning to go a little better for you. Life is so rough.
love
bobby

Thank you so much, Bobby! What a beautiful welcome message.

I will be staying ... I want to be around, but I might not be around as much. I am trying very hard to do other things, and have gotten involved with some other things. I am still having to do things in small steps, too.

I wasn't well at all at all at all for quite a while there. I have been doing somewhat better. I seemed too and then had a relapse I hope this time it sticks and improves more. I am still on the down side... I tire quickly, am still too sensitive to stimuli (voices and noises especially), but even that is starting to improve I think. I hope.

love
waves

We love you waves.

It is great to see you.


M

Thank you, Mari and Lara. It is great to see you guys too.

i am so thrilled you are doing better. you are right to take it slowly....i think bipolar makes us fragile and just being bipolar without extra stresses is hard enough to deal with.
love
bobby

Bipolar or not, fragile is certainly good word to describe how I've been feeling. It's getting better, but that's exactly it. That's how I feel... like I'm made of glass, or china. Every time I get too much activity or too many of certain stimuli, part of me shatters. Then I have to glue myself back together, and then stay put for a week while the glue dries. If the analogy fits, wear it.

then be very careful with yourself. get plenty of sleep. eat well and get outside for some fresh air.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Thank you Bizi. Good suggestions.

I am focusing on things like grooming better, staying on top of the teeth, even brushing my hair. I change into day clothes which I didn't always. We do eat well so not to worry about that.

I go out seldom. It isn't a great thing for me right now. Every time I had to go to see my doctor, and a couple times I met a friend, then I had to glue myself back together again for a good week.

Sleep is weird. I sleep, but then I dream. I do sleep enough though, and the weird dreams have been abating. I still have nights of the weird up-close-n-personal intense-content dreams, but it is not as often. I guess my psyche is finally starting to settle down, after having to process tons and tons of thoughts and feelings and impressions.

I am doing some slightly more productive (kinda sorta, sometimes ) things on the computer these days, which is better for me right now because it is within my physical comfort zone. I still cook sometimes, and do bits of cleaning and a lot of dish-washing.

I am very bothered by noises, including and especially some small noises.


I have worn earplugs so much that my ears are sore. I wear them sometimes because of the tv, or my parents talking or doing normal things like rattling papers. And then lately we've had construction work upstairs, ugh!

Probably not an arbitrary thing, if you take into account that this "depression" is not purely chemical. Yes my chemicals went to rot, but that was on top of grief and anger, and that was on top of utterly complete exhaustion. Emotional but also physical exhaustion from the trip. Try five weeks of nights with 3 tvs blaring and have to sleep (or pretend to rest) with bright light. Seriously, I got like 3 good night's sleep total, staying at other friends'. Not that I didn't have a nice time. But sleeping was not part of it, and quiet was not part of it.

I had my reasons for staying under those conditions... I got some answers I needed. The exhaustion and depression are temporary negative consequences. Probably if I'd known how negative, I would not have taken the trip, but I am glad I didn't know. I am glad that I went, because the answers I got are permanent consequences... will allow me to grow.

waves

I had no idea that you slept so little while you were state side......
baby steps, yes brushing teeth is good.
doing dishes is good, you are helpful with chores.
rest when you can....
thanks for posting....
((((HUGS))))
bizi