I think I have been running hypo. The other day a friend told me on the phone that I sounded manic. I told him I was really wound up about a lot of things but it seemed more like anxiety, and he agreed it was hard to tell them apart.

Later I talked to another friend for a while too, and after that my mind was a total whirlwind. I was too messed up to focus on the course application I've been working on.

I was not too messed up to attempt to answer an email I got (guess who), which threw me eighteen different emotional directions. Suffice it to say I now have about six different drafts, all with lengthy and in some cases rather too-marvellous-for-email pieces of writing... some delightful, some scathing, some musing, some instructive, some tongue-in-cheek, you name it. I covered every attitude on the frikkn planet.

[aside, and not joking: Can anybody think of a way I can package that and SELL it? ]

I continued on these yesterday, even though I had taken a med the night before, but then.... without much real warning, I crashed pretty hard.

I have since been back working on my application, for the most part. I think I'm overworking that a bit too, but at least it is something ultimately constructive, and bit by bit, parts are being completed, so there is some net progress amidst all the wheel-spinning.

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Anyway, I now think my friend was right. I have been running hypo.

Tthinking back to the past few weeks, I realized there have been other "tell-tale signs" I had not stopped to think about. There was one blatant one that almost always means I'm hypo too, but I just hadn't stopped to think about it... till it went away with my crash yesterday.

I have taken a couple of doses of my long-acting benzo lately, and it seems that is mostly what has helped bring me down a notch. I guess I will take more tonight. It is an anxiolytic but can also help with mood stabilization, kinda like Klonopin.

Even so, I don't know if I'm "done". The crash took me down a bunch, yeah, but mind is still going like gangbusters I realize. Sometimes I'll like mini-crash but bounce back -- almost like normal mood swings but above baseline.

So I guess, until I come back to good and chill (or depressed! ), I need to be ultra-careful about my interactions with people, especially new people. Rats, and I just thought I was stepping up to the "ordinary life" plate, albeit with some difficulty, and feeling very overwhelmed!

Oh and hey, if you think I sound pretty 'normal/sane' and you disagree I sound manic, let me know. (Or if you agree too.) All feedback is good, and I'll still be careful.

waves