My symptoms never rose to the level of needing to medicate yesterday... I think 50mg of Seroquel would have blown me away.

I'm taking 300mg of Gabapentin 3hrs before bed now, and I'm not waking up with that tired feeling anymore. It's about 2:30 here now and I don't think I'm symptomatic. I may still question my judgement with the milder symptoms, but if they're really that mild, like Mari said a, "'good enough' day is good enough."

I'd love to be able to pop my pills out of the box everyday like most people, but I have to get used to the idea that hypomanic symptoms are just going to wax and wane until I finally level off, or have a depressive episode. At least with the Gabapentin on board, I have more room to move with the Seroquel. The most important thing is to keep me safe by fending off mania- especially agitated mania.

I haven't had a drink since July 20th, although I have had a couple of non-alcoholic brews. I've had alcohol cravings that have been fairly easy to put away, but my husband has been home for the long weekend. He takes Bailey's in his coffee and I've been having the strongest cravings for it. Despite him telling me it really doesn't count as alcohol, so it doesn't really matter (so supportive), I stood my ground. I am an alcoholic. I may have hit rock bottom, but it just goes to show you, I'll always be crossing my fingers- even when it comes to coffee.

Kay

sounds like a good day kay!
Good for you for sticking to your guns in regard to the alcohol.
Hubby was not being helpful...grrr.
bizi

I never did a lot of drinking at home. I'm a social binge drinker and my drinking increased when my hypomanic episodes did. But once I start drinking, I can't stop. And at times I've (expletive) up my life because of it.
I think I already mentioned I was off my meds and manic prior to my s/s attempt and my life was a mess...

I was drunk for 4-5 months straight before my s/s attempt in December. I stopped drinking for 3 mo after, then I would only have 1-2 beers every mo or so until July when this episode began.
I was sober when the agitated mania hit. There wasn't much I wouldn't have done to make it stop. The first night I had 4 beers, got bombed, and got a couple hours sleep. But when I woke up I realized if I kept drinking it would be too easy to lose my grip again. Sure enough, a couple of days later, there wasn't anything I wouldn't have done to make it stop. But I was able to get myself to the hospital this time. I'm here because I stayed sober.

I can't drink. It's too dangerous.

I don't have my license right now because I got a DUI in December. I could have had it back a couple of months ago but was too busy being manic. I think it's been easier to stop drinking because I can't go anywhere. I have no desire to revisit my old haunts though. I don't want to expose myself to unhealthy environments, I'm embarrassed by my behavior during those 4-5mo of mania, and everyone has heard about my s/s attempt by now. I cut off all friendships that were based primarily on drinking. Unfortunately, that meant just about everyone.


My husband doesn't care if I drink, as long as I do it at home. His understanding of bipolar disorder remains poor (despite his claims to the contrary) so he doesn't understand how dangerous it is. He doesn't want me to get my license back because he's afraid I'll drink and drive (understandably) or cheat on him (?).

I costs $70 every time I go to the pdoc or therapist because I have to take cabs. I've been seeing the pdoc once, sometimes twice a week for the last 2mo and we can't afford it. My case manager wants me to see my therapist every week... never gonna happen (even if it was cost effective).

I told him that if I become out of control, he can always take the keys away. He has his doubts. I reminded him that I've voluntarily handed over my debit card to the joint account twice in the last 2 months, and given him unrestricted access to my doctors and case manager (never would have happened before). He seemed a little more receptive.

I don't want to be out and about driving if I'm unstable, but if I'm stable on meds I can't be stuck at home 24/7. I'm 35yo. I'm starting to feel better, and I'm already getting cabin fever. I'm running out of things to clean. What's the point of being stable if I'm going to live my life stuck here alone like this all day? It's going to lead to depression.

At the very least, I want the freedom to be able to go to the store and buy my own tampons if I need them. I don't want to have to ask my husband to take me and have him roll his eyes and groan.

I'm sorry this went very long and off-topic...

It served a couple of purpose, though. I guess I needed to remind myself why I can't drink. I guess I needed to vent. And I realize now I need to take some Seroquel.

Kay

is your husband getting a little more receptive. it sounds as if he loves you
bobby

I think he's trying. I know he loves me. :)

that is so great
bobby

I was a mess yesterday- 700mg Seroquel. I should have bumped the Gabapentin up to 600mg last night, but I thought I was just having a bad day.

I'm a bigger mess today- 750mg. I'd go up to 800 if I could. I was tempted to take all 150mg of prn's at once when I woke up this morning, but I played it safe and took 50 at a time as usual. The wait was not fun. There goes the pleasant hypomania again...

When the rapid thoughts come, I can't control where they take me. No, I'm not s/s. Just disturbed.

Conveniently, I have an previously scheduled appointment with pdoc today.

I have options: 2 meds, different doses to play with, but I'm still (expletive) sick of this.

Kay I use to drink over a period of ten years. I was a alcoholic, and I depended on that high,and relaxation. Then it all turned upside down. My life went through a tailspin, and I had to kick the habit.

I have a high tolerance for alcohol. My dad was a alcoholic,but he kicked the habit,and so did I. It was not easy,but that alcohol chapter in my life is over,and I'm much better off. BF:hug::hug::hug:

I hope I can be as strong as you Steve. I'm gad you were able to kick the habit.

:hug:

Kay

I saw the pdoc yesterday:

600mg Seroquel at night, 50-200mg prn during the day (up to 800mg)

600mg Gabapentin at night, or in divided doses for sedation during the day

I'm manic again, and this time it's my fault for letting it escalate. I felt better and was letting things slide. I was enjoying the days when I thought I was asymptomatic, and benefited from the pleasure and productivity of mild symptoms I didn't think needed to be medicated. But it doesn't take long for things to turn ugly.

I have to medicate no matter how mild my symptoms are, no matter what time it is, even if it means I might be sedated. I'm still going to medicate 50mg at a time to try to avoid that, but I may have to sedate myself on purpose at some point. Apparently I can't get away with anything.

I see the pdoc in a week (again). If I start pushing 800mg everyday, or something else comes up, sooner.

Aside from having to accept the fact that I'll be spending some time sedated and there's a very slight chance I may have to snow myself, nothing's changed. I go up, I go down, med doses change. Same old story. I'm sick of it. I have a feeling you are too.

600mg Gabapentin last night
11am: 100mg Seroquel