i feel for you.
bobby

Sending some hugs Kay.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

WE are not sick of it.
Feel free to vent post say cry anything you wish....we will listen to you.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Kay,

That is a good report from the pdoc visit.:)

Not medicating enough to be in the right range is not your fault just like being bipolar is not your fault.
I aim for getting it 70% right for 70% of the time.
I usually do not make it.
But I DO have moments in the day/ week when I feel like I am near 70%.

At the moment, I would not say I am "tired" of it.
But I do have a really weird thing when I get "surprised" (in a bad way).
For example, if I am having a bad day, I get "surprised" sometimes.
I have so many bad days for decades and yet they feel "new" in a way.
I guess I can say that this is never boring -- although I know that I am boring to others.

I do not know how else how to explain it.
[I do recognize that being manic and not being manic can be a fine line
and one that has consequences although I have not lived it myself.]

===
I hope that the constant adjusting and monitoring settles down for you.
That level of having to be alert really would be tiring. :heartthrob:

Re being snowed: I am guessing that you avoid that as much as possible. What do you do to pass the time/ make things tolerable when you are "snowed."
M

Kay

I want to thank you for keeping the updates so specific. There is no way you could have known because I haven't posted it yet. That it is helping me
help my son Dan because he was just put on Seroquel about 2 or 3 months
ago. And even though we all know how important it is to stay on it once prescribed. He thought he was better and quit taking it.

But something happened and he went back on. And started keeping his appointments with his psychologist also. I could always tell when a medicine was working or not. I can also tell when he is maniac, and when he is at a good
level. As of now I know for a fact his level isn't right. But it takes time
to be raised.

So listening and seeing what you write. Has helped me so much. He lives
right next door. And luckily his gf is the one that monitors and watches his
medicines the most. But when he is maniac I'm one of the first that knows its going on.

He isn't one to text much. But when he is its a maniac sign. Even to the
extent one night. My husband wanted to know what was wrong with him. He had been texting and texting him also.

Donnan:hug::grouphug:

My pdoc is pretty blunt. When she explained Wednesday that I was going to have to accept some level of sedation at times, she reminded me that our treatment goals remain the same 1) keep me alive and 2) keep me out of the hospital. Your treatment goals are probably different than mine. Every time I escalate it scares the (expletive) out of me, and I have ample reason. You know enough.

With your support I thought I was finally making progress last week and was going to attain something beyond those goals, even if it meant I would be adjusting meds and living in the gray area at times. I thought Gabapentin was the silver bullet and I was finally evening out...

Enter agitated mania again, where the symptoms are obvious. I'm in a unique position. I have to endure it, but only for as long as it takes to get enough med in me to quiet it. But even that is too long to wait. If you haven't experienced it, I don't expect you to understand what an hour of it feels like. There is no fine line there like there is with typical mania and hypomania- at least not for me. And it doesn't take long to get there.


Self-assessment is stressful when it comes to milder symptoms, but it will be easier now that the new plan is to stop second guessing myself and just medicate. There will come a time when things settle down and I stop escalating. Medicating will be probably be a lot easier then no matter what the plan is. In the meantime, I am still dosing at 50mg at a time to try to avoid Seroquel sedation.

When I was taking 300mg of Gabapentin, I started taking it 3hrs before bed to avoid the am sedative effect. However, last night I took 600mg right before bed and woke up slightly sedated, but not manic. Today is a better day. I only had to take 100mg Seroquel prn. I am going to continue to take Gabapentin in this way until things quiet down more.

I spent 7-8yrs snowed on heavy meds and time went by quickly. I watched a lot of TV and did a little bit of this or that in between. And that became acceptable. I expect I'll be doing the same again, but it will be a heavier level of sedation with Seroquel. At least it won't be an everyday occurrence.

I'm glad that my posts are helping, but I've been considering stopping.

Seroquel works very quickly for me. When I take a 50mg prn (as needed) dose, it usually only takes 45minutes to an hour for it to work. But it does take time to figure out the right maintenance dose, and if I'm any proof, the right dose to bring someone down once they are manic/hypomanic, too.

It's been helpful in managing my paranoia and anxiety.

Dan's lucky to have you so close since you can easily recognize when he's manic. Since I've stopped drinking it's a lot harder for my husband to tell when I'm hypomanic unless I start scrubbing the walls, etc. To be honest, I do hide things when I can.

I'm glad that he's started to become compliant again, no matter what the reason. It must give you peace of mind to know that he'll be safer.

Steve has been a great help to me because of his years of experience on Seroquel.

Kay

Thank you Kay. Yes,I've been taking Seroquel for years. I have this weekly pill tray with four compartments for each day. I take Seroquel two times a day. Twenty five Mgs at dinner time,and 600 Mgs before bed. Taking the meds help stop a relapse before it gets started.

At one time I was under medicated in the 80's. I was very troubled,but some how I got through it. I was crawling up the walls,and started having pains in my chest,that went through to my back,and went up to my left arm pit area.

I started taking meds for OCD around 1990,and I could tell it was helping. They changed my med to Luvox around the mid-90's. It was better then the other OCD medication.

I've been on the Xanax type medication for many years. It's vital to keep the dose small, so it can work over the long run. If people take more,and more Xanax,that can start problems,and then it stops working all together.

In the late 90's,to 2005,I started crawling the walls at work,and became very agitated. I was infuriated about the way I was treated at work. I forgive them,because they know not what they were doing. In 2006,I became hyper, agitated ,anxious , depressed, panic/afraid,and etc. I with drew from the public,and moved to where most of my family lives,and was changed to a team of medical professionals,and put on Seroquel,and the other medications,and I was able to sleep. I noticed that my hyper type feeling had calmed down somewhat.

I am aware that I'll be on these medications for the rest of my life. I hope that they develop better medications.

What the Country needs to do is help people with mental health issues like they do with physical problems,but they don't. They must stop stigmatizing people who have these problems. Like I've said before,we didn't stand in line before life to get these mental health issues. We can't chose,and are stuck with the affliction like people with physical ailments. I don't see much public compassion for people with mental health issues. People fall between the cracks,and are stigmatized.

This is a major blind spot right out in front of doctors practicing medicine. They need to drop the prices of mental health treatment,because the person who is going through mental health issues won't be able to afford it more then likely if it's bad enough.

The news is way out of line when they have been talking about "Mental Problems" recently on the news. They should talk about the difference between sociopath type behavior,and people who have mental health issues. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Thank you so much Steve. You have been through so much pain. :hug::hug::hug:

Last week I was watching a program about the 1990's on the National Geographic Channel and they did a segment about how everyone in America was on Prozac and mental health conditions were no longer Taboo... of course I let out a laugh.
There has been a great deal of "mental health awareness" over the past 20 years. I'm always hearing about it. But somehow the stigma remains. The stigma regarding s/s is worse. I'll wear long sleeves for the rest of my life, but I can't hide the scar on my neck. Thankfully, not too many people check other people's necks. But the people who notice know what it is. When I go out I try to pretend it's not there.

My whole family knows what happened in December, but only my husband and sister know about my last hospitalization. I don't want my mental illness to become the only part of me that they recognize. They're patronizing enough. I don't want to be constantly treated as a broken person.

It's no secret that I worry a lot about drugs and dosages. I can afford Seroquel. It's a good drug to treat mania, psychosis, and anxiety. I can also afford it. I had to take the max dose Wednesday before my pdoc upped the Gabapentin. I freaked out. Thankfully my Seroquel dosages have gone way down since the Gabapentin went up, but if I max out on Seroquel will I be able to afford the next drug?
It's no wonder people stop taking their medications. The costs are so high and many people are without the tools or resources to find financial assistance. And the new wonder drugs are usually so expensive that they are out of reach for many of the people who need them the most. It takes years before the generics are available, and even then they may be extremely expensive (ie/ Abilify).

Thank you for throwing me a life line, Steve. I've been feeling like I've been living on an island. :hug::hug::hug:

When I'm dysphoric (and I know it), I think I should be posting on the SOS forum because a lot of my thoughts are about my s/s attempt or become associated with it.
Or I shouldn't post at all because I'm negative in general and what I write may not be well received.

Kay