[Dmom3005]

Kay
I think you wrote a fantastic letter. Keep working to find the right apartment.

Donna

[bizi]

very nice letter. very calm and yet giving details.
so that is good.
bizi

[Mari]

I am wishing you well, Kay.
And impressed with your professionalism.


M

[OhKay]

My anxiety is ****ing terrible right now, and klonopin isn't doing the job. The maintenance issues, searching for apartments, worrying about money and my health problems have me all twisted up in knots. But the main culprit is it's just not a good time of year for me because of the timing of my s/s attempt. I skipped the family functions and sat out the holidays last year just so I could keep my **** together, but I had a fairly mild manic episode, as far as manic episodes go, anyway. This year, I'll be going to my aunt's for Thanksgiving. I need much better control over my anxiety so that it doesn't trigger another episode. That may mean asking my pdoc to switch me back to Xanax. If I'm still struggling to this degree come Monday, I will be calling her.

I got a response back from the assistant property manager (at 8:30 last night) letting me know that fixing the ceiling will be a two day job that they can start on the 29th. The 2 day part is NOT a good thing. I have a hard enough time being out for two hours at a time, and was shooting for being out for four hours the day they were to come. Being out a second day will be impossible, unless it's to use the bathroom elsewhere since mine will be tied up while they will be working. I'm trying to think of how to convey this in my response to her in an appropriate way while maintaining some degree of privacy. No doubt it will take me a hundred drafts before I'm satisfied enough to hit "send."

I will be relieved when this whole ceiling ordeal is over. Hopefully the work is done well. It will be nice to check something off my worry list.

[OhKay]

"XXXX,

Tuesday the 29th will be fine. I'll remove everything from the bathroom, lock the cats in one of the bedrooms, and be ready to leave the apartment Tuesday before the guys arrive in the morning.

I've arranged to be out of the apartment Tuesday for about 4 hours, but that is a stretch for me. Because of my MS, I don't go out often, and can usually only tolerate it for short periods when I do. Due to my limitations, it will be impossible for me to be out of the apartment for a second day, with the exception of using the facilities elsewhere so I don't disrupt the work being done in our bathroom.

I have no intention of pestering anyone or making their jobs more difficult while I am home. I do not want to interfere with their work.

Thank you for helping to get this project scheduled. Please let me know if any plans change.

ME"


I have no idea how long it took me to write this, but I feel like I need a nap now.

I hope they don't think that if they delay the second part of the job I'll be able to figure out a way to be out of the apartment for another 4 or so hours. In addition to the above issues, I have nowhere to go and nothing to do.

[bizi]

good letter,rest!
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[OhKay]

I woke up at 6 vs 5 this morning, my anxiety isn't as high as it's been, and its responding to 1mg of klonopin, so right now I'm feeling better

With enough klonopin, I was feeling less overwhelmed, and was able to do several things yesterday that I think will make me feel like I have more control, so I can manage my anxiety better:

1) I decided to start the accounting of our finances going back to Thursday when my husband got his last check, rather than waiting until his next check is deposited Friday. The sooner I figure out where the money is going, the sooner we can start making changes. I already have some ideas that will help.

2) Our cable bill is astronomical, and yesterday I was finally able to convince my husband to let me change our bundle. He's going to be home for 4 days during the upcoming weekend because of the holiday, so I will wait until the following Monday to change it. I've already picked out the package I want, but won't know how much it will cost, or how much we'll be saving, until I call to make the change, but I know it will make a BIG difference.

3) I decided to forgo my privacy when writing my response to the assistant property manager because she'll find out about the extent of my disability when/if I present the office with a letter trying to break the lease on that basis anyway. Some advance knowledge on her part probably isn't a bad thing either.

4) I've decided that I can't keep searching for apartments now. It's getting me all worked up and causing a lot of anxiety for nothing because a move would be months away and we aren't ready for it financially yet.

5) I've been worrying that my brother won't be coming to Thanksgiving because he doesn't want to see me. I texted him yesterday to ask if he would be coming. He said he wasn't, but he'd like to to get together to have lunch soon. Although I won't get to see him on Thanksgiving, it was a much better response than I expected, and was by far the biggest relief of all


I'm going to keep trying to exercise control over what I can so that it doesn't add to the big stuff that I can't.

[bizi]

I am glad that you will get together with your brother for lunch!
You are making good sense thru all of this. we are spending money like crazy going out to eat....
sigh
love you,
bizi

[OhKay]

A few hours' work on Saturday gave me about 24 hours of relief, but now I'm a ****ing mess again. I have a bunch of stuff to do, but I can't get my **** together and figure what to do about it. I'm no better off after 1mg of klonopin. I can't/won't drive if I take more than that, so I think I will watch some cartoons to see if they can calm me down enough to come up with some kind of a plan…

[bizi]

How about taking some benadryl?
How do you respond to that?
bizi