[OhKay]

I found a pair of black pants in a box of old clothes in the closet, but my butt is still a little too big to wear them out. So I went out looking, and and was able to find a pair of nice black dress pants on sale at Macy's for $22 without too much trouble.

I watched the debates last night, so I was up late. I actually slept late, and I'm tired this morning… maybe I'm starting to come down a little?

Today is grocery shopping day. I haven't made up my meal plan, so my list isn't done. I would love to push shopping off until tomorrow, but we're supposed to get rain and thunderstorms. So, I will just have to make myself get my **** together and go today.

The wake is for my mother's best friend. I want to be in and out, as I always do at these kind of things, but I haven't seen the family or anyone in this circle in many years, and don't want to have to explain my disability repeatedly… the focus should be on the deceased and her family who is mourning.

My sister may not be able to go because she lives and works in Northern New Hampshire, and she also has 2 little boys at home. I will tell the family she will try her best to make it.

[bizi]

I am happy you found some pants that fit!!!!!They will probably fit you for a while as you lose more weight.
It feels good finding something that works when shopping. I rarely shop, maybe twice last year. Once to buy some new sweaters, boots for christmas and then some new clothes for europe.
bizi

[OhKay]

My mother passed away 19 years ago. The wake last night was for her best friend. Her daughter and I are the same age and grew up together. I haven't seen her in years. It was hard to see her so sad.

I've had a lot of anxiety since leaving the wake and have been beating myself up worrying that I may have said something wrong. I know that it's unlikely that I did, but I'm insecure because I seldom find myself in social situations with people I care about now, especially sensitive ones.

I've also been thinking a lot about my mother. I can't help but see the two of them together. Her friend was so good to her before she passed away. I guess I can't separate the two of them, so I'm mourning for them both.

I didn't have to explain my disability, etc to anyone because the only people I knew at the wake were family members, who my sister is in contact with on FaceBook, so they already know.


My husband and I are supposed to get my things out of my father's house tomorrow. The thought of that is increasing my anxiety. My father has promised that he will open the bulkhead, he and his wife will stay upstairs, and my husband and I will be alone in the basement. I hope that he is true to his word, there are no issues, and all my things are there and in the same shape I left them in.


I had to take a klonopin at 8pm last night. I try to avoid doing that because it doesn't mix well with the hefty dose of Seroquel I take at bedtime, but I needed it at the time. I just headed straight to bed after I took my night meds to avoid the side effects.


It's going to be a rainy day today with a high probability of thunderstorms. I set myself up yesterday so that I won't have to go out at all today. I hope to get some laundry in, but mainly I just need to rest. My body is still recovering from washing walls, and I need to relax before I head to my father's house tomorrow.

[bizi]

It is completely understandable that you would grieve for your mother too at this time. I think grief comes in ways, there is no time limits, no right or wrong way to grieve. You are fine my dear.
Allow yourself to cry if you can.
I cried yesterday for a client of mine who was killed suddenly in a car crash. She was young, still working in her late 60's.
Her husband is disabled and now has care givers 24/7.
A friend of mine told me on face book of her passing.
so yesterday, I stopped in person to say how sorry I was...and burst into tears when I saw him, gave him a hug.
What happened to your mother?
(((((HUGS)))))
love you
bizi

[Dmom3005]

Kay
I totally understand the remembering things. My father has been gone for 25 years just after Derrick was born. Because he had cancer we knew it was coming. And the odds were he was trying very hard to see both his new grandson's. Which he got to do.

I think you should relax as best you can today.
Donna

[Mari]

Kay,

I am sorry about your mother.

I am sorry to hear about your mother's friend.

[OhKay]

Thank you all :group hug:

I'm glad that your father got to see both of his grandsons come into this world, Donna My mother seemed to be holding on to see my sister graduate from HS. She let go shortly after.

She passed away from lung cancer that metastasized to her brain. She fought very hard for years. When it came time to for hospice, we kept her at home. She was 46 when she passed away. I had just turned 17.

I do think about her all the time, and of course that leads to sadness at times. It's just unusual that after all these years that my emotions feel this raw. I did cry, which is rare.


I'm sorry to hear about your client, Bizi. It's very hard to lose a patient
It was so nice of you to stop by and see her husband. Things are going to be difficult for him in many ways. I hope he will be okay.

Working as a home health aid and in hospice, I got closer to my patients because I spent more time with them, and deaths always hit me very hard. They became friends, and sometimes like family.
It was never easy when I worked in hospitals either. Even though we had some patients that had long stays, or many visits, the number of deaths I witnessed desensitized me to a degree, but just enough so the job wouldn't break me.


I go get my stuff today. My anxiety is sky high. I'm really hoping everything goes smoothly. I don't have a lot of stuff, but I bet they moved it, so it may be hard to locate. I just want to get in and out as quickly as possible. I'll be so happy when this is over.