[OhKay]

My mother passed away 19 years ago. The wake last night was for her best friend. Her daughter and I are the same age and grew up together. I haven't seen her in years. It was hard to see her so sad.

I've had a lot of anxiety since leaving the wake and have been beating myself up worrying that I may have said something wrong. I know that it's unlikely that I did, but I'm insecure because I seldom find myself in social situations with people I care about now, especially sensitive ones.

I've also been thinking a lot about my mother. I can't help but see the two of them together. Her friend was so good to her before she passed away. I guess I can't separate the two of them, so I'm mourning for them both.

I didn't have to explain my disability, etc to anyone because the only people I knew at the wake were family members, who my sister is in contact with on FaceBook, so they already know.


My husband and I are supposed to get my things out of my father's house tomorrow. The thought of that is increasing my anxiety. My father has promised that he will open the bulkhead, he and his wife will stay upstairs, and my husband and I will be alone in the basement. I hope that he is true to his word, there are no issues, and all my things are there and in the same shape I left them in.


I had to take a klonopin at 8pm last night. I try to avoid doing that because it doesn't mix well with the hefty dose of Seroquel I take at bedtime, but I needed it at the time. I just headed straight to bed after I took my night meds to avoid the side effects.


It's going to be a rainy day today with a high probability of thunderstorms. I set myself up yesterday so that I won't have to go out at all today. I hope to get some laundry in, but mainly I just need to rest. My body is still recovering from washing walls, and I need to relax before I head to my father's house tomorrow.