[OhKay]

Sometimes it's hard for me to discern dysphoric/mixed hypomania from a severe flare up of a combination of OCD and PTSD which may precede or trigger it until it gets pretty bad. And sometimes I have a hard time picking up on hypomania early if it's mild because it feels like heightened anxiety. I do catch on tho.

In this case I'm absolutely certain I'm not hypo. If I was, it would be a euphoric episode, but:
I always have more energy during those episodes, but I'm worn out and am taking 4-5 hour naps and am getting my 7-8 hours in every night now,
My thinking would usually get clearer and more rapid, but instead I'm having a lot of difficulty with my cognitive function,
My spending in general increases, but right now it's restricted to one specific area, and
I almost always embark on some ridiculous cleaning project in the beginning. While I did a lot of cleaning in the bathroom, it was only because it was "contaminated" and had to be cleaned up to my OCD standards. Otherwise, I haven't had the energy to keep up with my housework.

I've managed to stay in and rest the last two days. We ordered out last night because I didn't feel like cooking… I always feel guilty doing that, but sometimes I need a break, especially on weekends when the expectation is I'll be cooking 3 meals a day.

I have to do an inventory in the kitchen to see if I have to do grocery shopping today or if I can get away with putting it off for another day. I'm going to try to resist going out to buy pillows and towels. That revolves around how early I shower and how I feel afterwards I guess.

[bizi]

You sound like you are very self aware sweetie.
good luck with your day/sunday.
I wish you had more of a partner to help you with your day.
(((((HUGS and LOVE)))))
bizi

[OhKay]

I got away with not food shopping, but will have to deal with that today

I did buy pillows, but not at Kohl's where I have coupons for today. My husband's Laura Ashley pillows that I bought at Bed, Bath, and Beyond are hard and got warped pretty quickly, but the Ralph Lauren Pillows I bought for myself at Macy's stayed fairly soft and kept their shape. Macy's was having a sale, so I went there yesterday and bought 4 Ralph Lauren pillows for 50% off and the cashier also applied another discount, so I spent $33 for all 4, which I think is a very good deal. I would rather spend my money on a product I know is good quality vs. taking a chance on something else even if it may be cheaper. I slept well last night

I'm going to Kohl's today to buy the towels my husband likes, and hopefully that should end my linen quest. I need a new pair of jeans, and may buy a pair only if they are on sale. I do have $10 off and 20% off coupons, but jeans are expensive.


I got pretty upset yesterday, and and when he asked me what was wrong, I unburdened myself and told him I was frustrated because I'm constantly tired and feel like ****, I'm afraid to take naps (but have to) because I'm worried I won't wake up, I can barely pee, my OCD is dragging my *** all over the place, I feel like a ****ing moron because of my cognitive problems, my ****ty computer was making things even harder because it's constantly crashing and I can't update things or use certain features because it's so old, I've been very worried about a good friend for a long time, and I'm frustrated because we have a bunch of **** laying around because he always has excuses for not taking it out.

He listened, and tried to be comforting and understanding about everything except the furniture he won't take out. He said we "just" rearranged the living room… but that was the week of my surgery, which was on the 3rd.

Then I took about a 4 hour nap, and as usual, I still felt like crap.

I had my pity party yesterday and it's time to move on. I feel better this morning.

[OhKay]

The towels cost me the same amount with the $10 off coupon yesterday as they did last week when they were on sale. I'm happy with my decision to buy the pillows at Macy's because I didn't like what Kohl's had to offer, and they weren't exactly giving anything (good) away.

That should be the end of the linen procurement, but (of course) I'm a little focused on the shower curtain now. I'm going to try my best not to look at it or think about it.

I found the perfect pair of jeans, and they were on sale. But my 20% off coupon isn't good until Wednesday. I haven't decided if I will go back to buy them there, charge them to my Amazon account, or buy them at all. I feel guilty spending anymore money... on anything that isn't linen-related.

It was absolutely pouring out yesterday, so there was no way I was doing the grocery shopping. I had to pick up a prescription at CVS, so I bought the toilet paper and milk we needed there. It's going to rain today too, but it will be light/drizzle, so not a big deal...

But I really hate food shopping.

[bizi]

I am glad that he listened to you. and glad that you could vent.
Very glad that you felt better, venting can be very cathartic. Crying would have even been better. If that doesn't sound too weird...sorry.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[OhKay]

I had to lay down around 9am yesterday, and I slept until around 1pm. I was barely awake until 2 until I had to lay down again until about 5pm, and went to bed at 10. I can't really say anything was wrong, aside from generally feeling unwell.

I may have a sinus infection. I was dizzy this morning and my temp was 99.7, which I don't consider to be a fever. I really don't feel like dealing with the doctor. I feel like putting it off.

So I didn't go to the grocery store again yesterday, but I had pasta, chicken broth, and garlic and I was able to throw dinner together. I won't be that lucky tonight, so if I start feeling really shitty again, I'm just going to have to push through it.

I think it's a good idea if I get ready and get going early.

[bizi]

I am sorry that you are not feeling well. Listen to your body and rest when you need it.
maybe ask corey to get some things from the store?
bizi