I think I had three hours of sleep again.
Dealing with lots of email before I can get in the shower and leave
in a few mins to be there at 9:45.


M

I don't know how you can keep this up....

Mari

I am so sorry its not more sleep. I hope it starts being more.
I find you to be amazing.

Donna

I am so tired that I am screwing up.
I got lost driving in a part of town I lived in for 15 years.

It took me an hour or more to send five "easy" emails just now.

=-=-=-=
I did sleep a little I think -- fell asleep watching some recorded Olympic swimming around 8 or 9 or 10 pm for 60-90 mins - not sure.

I sent email to boss that I would be an hour later than required for Wednesday.
I notified her that I will be there at 12:00. Eff her.
She has a gorgeous Power
Point to use because of my work over the weekend.
It makes her look like a star.


M
(exhausted and stressed --- only P-O'd one "adult" person on Tuesday.
Helped five students a lot. . . .saved their lives in a way.)

Instead of going to bed, I soaked my feet in magnesium salts and gave them a
quick pedicure.
No one at work sees them because I have been wearing closed-toed shoes,
but the feet were starting to bother in me their neglected look and feel.

I hope to go to sleep soon
Alarm is set for 10:10

=-=
Med update when I get back from work tonight.
I think I am doing o.k.
Ambien helps I believe. But I sort of have to talk myself/force myself into sleep.

And two nights ago, the second I was falling alseep, I saw and felt something scary and jumped awake.
I tried to reason with myself (CBT),but got up to read a book for 30-plus mins and tried again.

M

Sometimes I get lost driving, or drive to the wrong place, when I'm overtired or having cognitive issues. It's frustrating, upsetting…

You are so strong Mari…
You are capable, and making meaningful contributions at work despite the challenges you are facing right now. I still don't know how you do it…
You are performing, so if you need that extra hour to yourself, or you want to try to use it to squeeze in another hour's worth of sleep… **** your boss.

I hope that your pedicure left you feeling pampered and a little more relaxed. I'm glad that you did that for yourself

When you saw/felt something scary when you were trying to sleep the other night, I think it was appropriate to get up for a short period of time and then try again. Sometimes it's better to push the reset button when something out of the ordinary happens.

I'm happy you feel like the Ambien is helping a little. I wish it was helping more

Helping students is what is most important In my opinion.
The beautiful power point presentation I am sure was appreciated...at least I hope so.
Glad that you feel that the ambien is somewhat helping. It is very important to make yourself go to bed when you take it.I know that you have to force yourself to do that though and can appreciate that.
I wish you did not have that internal battle.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

At work Wednesday it was clear that I was not making much sense during our meeting. I felt so confused just trying to get on the right floor of the building. (got lost I think or something).


When I got home after 6:00 p.m.--- I do not know what I did, but I did not go to bed. . . . . I listened to music mostly.


I think I will try to sleep for a few hours on the couch before the alarm at
1:30 p.m. goes off. I have an afternoon meeting.


M

Mari,

I am concerned because you are so exhausted you are becoming disoriented

Are you still taking the risperdal?

I would love it if you could get in touch with your pdoc and see if she could reconsider prescribing the halcion, and if you could discuss if any of the side effects of the risperdal may be contributing to your sleep deficits and other symptoms

I know that you posted very recently, but I pray that you are sleeping now

Hi,

I believe I went right to sleep after I posted and I slept until 1:30.
That is six hours. I have an Ambien hangover perhaps (Something).
I will take a shower and drink some tea.
=-=-=

I am concerned about a bad decision I made at work yesterday.
I cannot talk to my boss about it yet because I do not thing she would respond well.
Also, it would be obvious that I am not o.k.


I might talk to another person who does not know me as well to
ask her to fix it and who was with me when I made the bad decision.
The problem is a big mess and usually I have enough sense not to create that
kind of a problem.


=-=-=-=-=-=-
Today's mission is for me to bring ear buds (so no one thinks I am listening whether I have music turned on or not.)
And I want to say as little as possible except to the person who might help me solve the problem.

M