I'm really glad that your friend was there for you when you needed to talk, and it ended up being a really great day

The thing about 12 step meetings is the 12 step part doesn't matter if you find the right fit/vibe. If it's an open meeting, the focus will likely be on the people who need to talk vs. the steps of the program.
Maybe the codependency group will grow on you when you become more comfortable with the people there, or you could find another group online that could be a better fit.

If you feel like the meetings aren't going to do it for you, then maybe it's a good time to return to your therapist. It sounds like you need to talk

Thanks kay
I feel there are several areas in my life that need fixing. I have been thru therapy before, been there done that.
I feel like my bipolar is out of whack but don't want to change meds nor mention it to my pdoc.
I feel like I have obsessions, extremes.
organics, excesive internet usuage, increased alcohol consumption, spending too much on food and eating out. worried about our future, over all health, lack of exercise stamina (my calves are sore from going to the concert!), our house is old, waiting for the shoe to drop.... avoidance of showering cleaning myself, lack of desire, motivation to clean my house, work in the yard, feel very lazy. I am feeling very old, my life is stuck in this pattern/rut. I worry about being able to love people....
maybe I am just a narcisist.
I am sounding depressed....
therapy , done that before doesn't seem to help with my issues.
It is expensive and insurance doesn't cover it. already pay out of pocket for pdoc.
started reading a book on codependants, will see if that helps.
Trivia tonight, art walk tomorrow night. I don't work tomorrow so that gives me time to do other things...like what? I like working as it gives me something to do, a purpose. I feel useful. I enjoy my work for the most part and get good feed back from my clients. I think I do a good job with them but am avoiding my paper work again, I already chart less than I should. Not getting doctor orders like I should, no one inspects me and it was a PITA trying to get orders, doctors don't want to give them to me. I just decided to stop getting them. My life has become sedentary. I sit most of the day and then sit on the computer for hours going from one forum to the next to face book email etc. I started posting on another forum because this one wasn't enough support.
pleasure seeking, risk taking, depressed sounds like a mixed mood right?
bizi

UGH! I really need to get into that shower!
Happiness is a decision right?
Isn't that what I always say.....

Bizi,

That is a long list that you made. Can you put the items
into areas/groups?

Bipolar

Lifestyle

Work

Fourth area

------
?

It seems overwhelming when you write it like this. Maybe grouping is easier.


M

AA helps only some people and it helps men more than women.


=-=-=
As a person who does not drink, I have problems with the program and
all the reincarnations of the 12 step process.


One of these is the step that involves the person making "amends" to
people harmed "except when to do so would injure them or others."
I was horrified and felt doubly abused when an old friend made "amends"
to me.
It was selfish on that person's part, because I was almost over the situation.



M

hi mari, thanks for writing.
life style, no budget, spending more money on organic food when I grew up eating pesticides...maybe that is why I am bipolar?
Gained excessive weight, need to diet but can't seem to give up the beer.
Have increased my internet usage, spending hours and hours on line.
Lack motivation to do work other than what I like to do.
I am lazy....
This is where I feel childish and immature.
bizi

Bizi,

Pesticides likely do not cause bipolar. The evidence is limited and inconclusive.

Twin studies show that epigenetic mechanisms do seem to cause bipolar.
The genes have to 1) exist and 2) be turned on by certain conditions.


=-=-=
Of the 29 or so cousins or siblings of mine, 25 have these
various diagnosed conditions: bipolar, depression, alcoholism, anxiety.
Four seem to be safe.
Some of us had children and the children seem to be the same or a little bit better off (safer) than the parents, although growing up with
those parents must have been hard.


M

Bizi,


Most of us do not like work. That is why they have to pay us for it.

Do not feel bad about not being on top of work.
Do a good job most of the time, keep your clients happy, and stay on
top of your paperwork most of the time.


M

Not to dismiss your feelings, or the significance of any of the issues involved, I think you are more focused on these things right now because you are going through a mixed episode, and you've become overwhelmed.

I just want you to feel better, and I hope that happens soon

Bizi, I think a lot of things about you but "lazy", "childish" and "immature" are all about minus infinity as far as I am concerned.

What I do think about you is that you are a strong and courageous person.

have you tried taking risperdal? I think you need some medication to control yourself. Have you also ever considered volunteer work?,You don;t sound happy in what you are doing. I think you have to get out of yourself. How about an animal shelter? I should talk. Physically i am in no shape to do anything.
love
bobby
somehow I don't think being self critical does anything but digs you deeper in a hole.
more love
bobby