Even though Corey was home yesterday, I still had to clean the snow off my car myself. He didn't even offer to help me. Of course doing it aggravated my neck and shoulder problems, so I wasn't up to pushing the vacuum or broom around, and I didn't do the floors.

So this morning I still have those chores hanging over my head, among others, and my anxiety is higher than it has been in quite a while...

I tried to make that to-do list yesterday, but all I managed to do was make a list of things I need to buy (I need to hit at least 2 stores this week). Every time I try to sit down and nail down what day I'm going to do what, I squirm and head for the door to smoke another cigarette (I had been smoking a lot less). The biggest conundrum is when to do laundry because it takes so long, and I worry about how it will impact my PT session or vice versa.

I set my alarm for 7 this morning so I would have time to get whatever I'm going to do done... it seems like I'll be using that time figuring out what that will be.

Good luck with all that you have to do.
take care of yourself.
sorry for the increase in anxiety.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Kay,

I understand the planning I think.

It's not about the list making, right?
It's about what you can do/ have to do/ want to do. Something like that?


M

That's right, Mari...
1) 3 appointments this week (nephrologist, PT, pdoc)
2) Christmas shopping that has to be done so it can be mailed/shipped
3) Christmas cards
4) Grocery shopping
5) Laundry
6) At least half-a**ed cleaning

I have to find a way to rest and get naps in there, too lol.

I cleaned the bathroom yesterday (but not the floor or shower), and after an hour of indecision in CVS, I bought all the cards I needed. I decided I'll do some cleaning before my appointment today, and will do the laundry on Thursday. That's as far as I've gotten so far. I'll have to try to hash out the rest tonight.

My appointment with the nephrologist is at 2pm today. I don't have much faith in him, and will probably ask my PCP to refer me to someone else for a second opinion no matter what he says. With all of the tests he ordered, he never tested my eGFR (measure of kidney function) (?), which hasn't been drawn in quite a while, and was quite low when it was... I will have to look up when it was last drawn before I go.
I'm nervous about the appointment...

My anxiety is quite high today. But I'll be driving. and have an appointment that is late in the day for me, so I can't take more than 1mg of Klonopin.

I am sorry for your anxiety, hopefully you will find your last results of the test.
I can't believe he did not order that for you!!!!!!!
Great that you got the cards, that is hard picking them out.
(((((HUGS)))))
sending warm thoughts your way.
good luck today.
bizi:hug:

The nephrologist is a jackass. He said he wanted to "check in" with me in a YEAR!!!
I said NO.
I told him I wanted him to repeat the ultrasound and check my GFR, and he agreed. I have the ultrasound Friday morning...
More to do this week :(

Wow.
It would be nice to have a doc paying better attention.
Good that you spoke up about what you want.


M

I am glad that you are having the ultra sound this friday to get it over with., am hoping that you will get results early next week.
I do not like him!
bizi

This doctor is a moron. Some of the things he has said to me are such bulls*** it's literally unbelievable. I am using him to get the tests I need run. I don't plan to continue seeing him.

If this ultrasound is negative, and what the radiologist saw on the last one is gone, I can put this issue to bed (fingers and toes crossed).
I'll probably get a look at the radiologist's report before I hear from the doctor... maybe Monday? IDK.


I planned on doing laundry today, but f*** that!!!
I've been run ragged all week and tomorrow is going to be a LONG day. I need to rest. The laundry can wait until Monday.
ALL I'm going to do today is get my coffee and play the lottery like I do every Thursday.

I managed to get my Christmas cards out yesterday, and have chipped away at my shopping list. I still have to get to the Yankee Candle outlet, and buy a couple more gift cards, and I'll be done.

I'm worried about money... I've spent an absolutely RIDICULOUS amount on copays in the last couple of weeks. So, I have to work out what I will buy when based on our cash flow.

Tomorrow I have a pdoc appointment at 8:30am, the ultrasound is at 10, and then I have to go grocery shopping. So, I won't be online.

Very Sorry about the Moronic doctor.

Good work getting lots of shopping accomplished Kay.

Have a good day, Friday.:)

The tech said my ultrasound looked the same as the last one, which is not good, and not what I had hoped for. It's not surprising, but still upsetting. I still have to wait for the radiologist's report tho. I should be able to view it on Monday.


My pdoc had raised my 300mg dose of gabapentin a while ago due to a manic episode. I'm on 400mg now and it's been getting sedating. But I've been stressed out, the holidays are coming up, and my s/s attempt was on the 23rd 3 yrs ago. So yesterday we decided to keep it at 400mg at least until I see her next month, unless I need to see her sooner.


My aunt texted me last night to tell me (somewhat graphically) that my half-sister's mother committed suicide, and could I please call my father to let him know. He was okay, having divorced her almost 50 years ago. I haven't talked to my half-sister in over a decade. but there is no animosity. I feel very badly for her and her half-sister :(


It's something that could seriously f*** with me. It doesn't take much where this topic is concerned. I'm glad that I didn't change my meds, and that my pdoc's office is open for another week.

anniversary's are hard.....
sorry about you having to tell your dad.
And she did not need to be graphic about it at all.
I am glad that you like your pdoc.
stay with us kay, we need you.
love bizi

hugs
love
bobby

I hope that you are o.k., Kay.

Keep taking care of yourself.


M

Kay

We will be here for you. Please keep us updated on how you are.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I was also taxed with notifying my brother and sister :o

I'm okay.
I'm just trying not to think about it so I don't go down the rabbit hole.

Right now I'm just waiting on the radiologist report from Friday's ultrasound. It's a really big deal...

WE are waiting with you.:hug:
I am sorry that you were taxed with this information.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I wrapped my nephews' presents this weekend and I have to mail the package out this morning. I'm sure the post office will be a zoo. But first, I need to pick up a couple of gift certificates to stick in their cards.

Then I have to do laundry :(:(:(
I keep the detergent in the car... I hope it isn't frozen! I will have to check before I leave the house and buy more if it is.

Aside from the laundry, I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing again :o

ARe you going to call the idiot nephrologist and ask for more blood work?
I am sorry it is so hard working with him...
grr.
bizi

I got the radiology report yesterday, and as expected, it was the same bad news. No word from the doctor yet...

He should be trying to figure out if something other than past lithium use, which he doesn’t believe is the problem, is causing it so the condition can be treated because some of the potential culprits are very serious and could continue to damage to my kidneys and more.

He needs to at least order more blood word and urine tests.
But I have little faith he will be able to get to the root of the problem... if he even tries.

IDK.

I left home early to get my nails done, and when I leave here, I’m going to be brave and go to the outlets (which will be a nightmare) to buy my MIL and SIL their Yankee Candles.

Hugs and shop gloriously and keep the FAITH
love
bobby

Kay

I hope its better with the idiot doctor now. I am thinking if it
doesn't get better that you need a different doctor.

Donna:hug::grouphug:

Good luck sweetie, you know how I care about you.
((((((HUGS))))))
love bizi

Oh, I definitely need a different doctor!!!!!!

I don't see the nephrologist until Valentine's Day, and I don't think he plans on contacting me before then. Right now I think it's best not to think about my kidneys.

My nails look beautiful!!! :)
They are red with a little bit of sparkle... very Christmas-y.

The outlets were not too bad. I was a woman on a mission... I went directly to the Yankee Candle outlet then I got the hell out of there. I was not as indecisive as usual, and got out of the store in record time. The bag was VERY heavy. I should not have been carrying it. I had a very hard time.

My nephews (4 and 12) play soccer and I ended up buying them each an Adidas soccer jersey (and a snowman Pez dispenser) for Christmas. The package arrived yesterday, and my BIL texted me to thank me, and tell me the shirts fit, and were a big hit. No word from my sister, as usual. I sent cards with gift certificates, which should get there tomorrow.

Corey and I don't buy presents for one another, but he's been talking about buying a particular hat to replace an old one, so I bought it on Amazon this morning (I hope it's the right one... 50/50 chance). It should be here by Friday (thank you Amazon Prime). Other than that, I only have to buy one more gift certificate, a box of candy, and some gift bags, and I'm DONE.

I have PT at 11am today, then I have to go grocery shopping. My shopping list is SOOOO LONG. I know the store will be busy, but I'm hoping if I go today I will beat the BIG rush.

I'm so tempted to finish off the rest of my holiday errands today, but I woke up before 6am this morning, so I doubt I will have enough gas in the tank. Tomorrow is lottery day, and I have nothing else to do, so there is no reason why I can't wait.

Good luck with all of your holiday preparations, kay.
May you seek solace in the season.
You are a lovely lady and I am so glad that you are a part of my life.
(((HUGS))))
bizi

Kay

I hope your day is not bad. And if you need to shop tomorrow instead
of today, just plan around the timing. And if you guys can get carry out
in the grocery like we do here. Please have someone help you out.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Kay,

What a great shopper: Yankee candles, nephews, husband!

I hope the PT went well.

Enjoy your Christmas nails:)


M

your nails sound wonderful. Your kitty cats can;t compete.

Thank you, Bizi (((HUGS)))
I love you, too. And I'm lucky to have a friend like you :hug:


I hope we are all are able to handle the stress of the holidays so we can enjoy being with our families and/or friends :hug:

I consider you guys part of my family, and want you to know that I love you all very much :hug::hug::hug:

Thank you all! :hug:

Donna, you hit the nail on the head... I never made it to the grocery store.

The PT really overworked me. I told him that my left shoulder was very sore from doing laundry and carrying that heavy bag, but when he was stretching me out, and I told him it was painful at times, he would tell me he wanted to get a little more stretch out of me. Then he put me on the pulleys, and instead of having me do 2 sets of 20 for each exercise like the other PT, he set the timer for 5 minutes each. By that time, both shoulders and my neck were really hurting, so I told him I was done for the day.

I went home afterwards and took a Dicolfenac (prescription NSAID), hoping it wouldn't give me terrible heartburn (it didn't), but it didn't help. I decided I wasn't going to waste the day, so I went out and picked up the gift certificate I needed, and went to CVS to finish up the rest of my shopping.

I am VERY, VERY sore this morning. I'm going to have the same PT at my next session, and I will not be as passive. He needs to be gentler and go more slowly with me.

I must go grocery shopping today, and the earlier the better.
I think I can shorten my list a bit now tho.

My nephew Matthew (4) insisted on wearing the new shirt I bought him to day care yesterday :):):)

Hi, Kay,

Yikes, the therapist will be gentler next time I hope.

Really cute that little Matthew wore the new shirt.:)

I hope that you got your grocery shopping done.

Hubby is doing most of the grocery shopping now -- I would rather stay home.
He's gotten used to my needs. Sometimes he checks in with me ahead of time. And sometimes I ask specifically for something
--- we eat different foods but there is some overlap.

Do you do a Christmas thing?


Hubby and I do not bother most years except to remember to stay away from the grocery stores on Christmas Eve and make sure we shopped so that
we end up with our stuff on a day (Christmas) that everything is closed.

Only yesterday (Thursday) he wrapped up going out to work.
I finished on Tuesday but I have much work from home during this holiday.
So both of us are home for now and doing computer work.

Take good care.


M

Because my list was so long, I went to the cheaper, crazier grocery store yesterday to save money. I got there right before 9am, and It was busy, but not too bad. They had a nice selection of smaller hams, and I got exactly what I wanted. I will not go near a supermarket this close to Christmas unless I absolutely have to.

Then I went to PetSmart to buy a big bucket of cat litter because the boxes need to be changed. For once, I actually ASKED FOR HELP to put it into the cart and into my car because there was no way I could have done it myself.

I'm really glad I've already gotten all my errands out of the way because it's snowing out, and the roads are really bad. I'm in for the day, and I want to get to some of the cleaning I've been neglecting because I've been so busy. I won't be going crazy tho. I will be happy if I can clean the floors in the kitchen and living room and get to the sink and toilet. I'm going to try taking another Diclofenac and hope it helps my pain so the cleaning isn't as hard on me.

I'm expecting Corey's hat today, but it's coming USPS, and they deliver late here. Corey will probably already be home when it comes. I don't know if I should just give it to him, or tell him I'm going to wrap it first. I won't get a nap unless I can get comfortable on the couch, so I don't miss the buzzer if the mailman comes.

On Christmas Eve, we will be going to my in-laws. My SIL will be there, and maybe her boyfriend, who we've never met before. Corey's step father's cousins (who we hardly know) will be coming for the first time as well. So, it was a little hard to pick out a couple of presents. Every year for dinner, my stepfather-in-law puts out finger sandwiches and meatballs he swears he makes himself, and they're terrible lol.

Corey and I haven't put up a Christmas tree in years because out 3 cats are terrible. You would never know it was Christmas here. I DVR the classic Christmas movies, which are mostly cartoons, and try to make him watch them on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and all he does is b**** about it! We'll have a quiet dinner here on Christmas Day.

Neither one of us is particularly religious, and I guess we just observe some of the more secular aspects of Christmas now.

My sister still hasn't called or texted to let me know that the package arrived, or to thank me. And neither she nor my BIL has let me know that the cards with the gift certificates arrived.

Kay,

Hubby will not watch the Christmas cartoons/shows with me but he did not grow up watching
them anyway.

A few nights ago, I caught most of The Sounded Music and ended up crying at the end -- never happened before.

Are you done with shopping?

You certainly got a lot done.
I hope his hat arrived.


M

Oh, I love The Sound of Music!!!

Yesterday all I did was some dusting, and I swept and swiftered (Wet Jet) all the hard floors. You wouldn't believe how much cat hair is in this place... it's like we have tumbleweeds, so it took me forever.
Corey came home early, so he was here to wait for the mailman while I took a nap, but the package was just stuffed in our mailbox.

For once I won a 50/50 bet, and bought the right hat! Unfortunately, it was too big tho. So, I ordered him one in a smaller size, and I'll just pop the one I'm returning in a mailbox today when I go out. The new one is supposed to arrive tomorrow!

As far as I know (lol), all of my holiday shopping is DONE.

I have to make cookies today, and would like to do some more cleaning. If I can get to the bathroom, I'll be happy.


The 400mg dose of gabapentin I'm taking had been getting sedating and I had been able to sleep in for a while, but I've been getting up really early again no matter when I go to bed. My OCD isn't as bad either. Those are signs of an elevated mood, so I will have to keep an eye on things, and try to redirect myself if I start to think about things that could be triggering. If I become hypo/mania, I can bump my dose of gabapentin up to 600mg over the holidays if I need to.

So much for going out yesterday... It snowed early in the day, then turned to rain/freezing rain, and the roads were terrible.

My MIL pulled a switch-a-roo and we'll be going over to their place tomorrow instead of today. She's done s*** like this in the past, so I'm kinda ****** off. But at least I got to do some cleaning yesterday because I wasn't in a rush to make the cookies, and I get to watch the Pats game today...
Unfortunately, we'll be getting 3-5" of snow overnight and another 3-5" tomorrow, and we're not exactly excited about driving over there tomorrow.

It's supposed to get up to 35 degrees today and will be mostly sunny. The roads will be clear by the time I go out to get my prescription.

We're having ham for dinner tonight. It will be very easy vs. roasting a turkey.

I'm starting to get some racing thoughts now, so I'm probably a little hypo. I don't think it warrants medication yet tho.

You live in a place with pharmacies open on Christmas?

So cool. We do not have that here.
=-=-
I just called to see if the so called "24 hour" drug store was open ---recording said CLOSED.

Even if the store itself were to open during the day for a few hours, I doubt that
the pharmacy itself would be open.
I've heard talk of a pharmacist shortage because the pay is low around here but I would not know that for sure unless I talked to someone in the field/business.

M

Kay,

I hope that things go well tomorrow.

Have a good Christmas.


M

have a wonderful xmas and I hope you bought your kitties some treats!
love
bobby

Christmas is cancelled!!! At least the get together at the in-laws is. It's postponed until New Year's Day because of today's weather... mixed feelings about that.

I didn't make any cookies yesterday. Corey and I don't need to be eating a bunch of cookies two weeks in a row lol. I'll make them next weekend.
I only watched the first half of the Pats game, so I missed their big comeback. I just really needed a nap. I'm glad I took one because I wouldn't have been able to pull off dinner otherwise.

Dinner came out great, but the whole ordeal was exhausting. I'm glad that I forced myself to clean up last night because it was nice to wake up this morning without any dirty dishes in the sink. There's so much leftover ham it's ridiculous.

It doesn't feel like Christmas AT ALL. NOT AT ALL. Corey's home for a long weekend, but it may as well be Columbus Day. I really don't have high expectations as far as the holidays go anymore, but I just feel a VOID.


I picked my prescription up at CVS on Christmas Eve morning. The one near my old apartment is open 24 hours, including the pharmacy, but not the one near my new place. I'm sure they closed early yesterday and are closed today (Christmas Day).

I didn't buy the kitties anything for Christmas. We have plenty of Greenies in the freezer, and they already have a ton of toys all over the place. Rocky and Buddy got their Christmas ham tho. Dottie won't eat any people food or treats of any kind... only cat food for some reason, but any kind of cat food I put in the bowl.

we don't seem to get the patriots in nyc. I don't know why. what a disappointment. Pudge started eating wet food only recently and she is close to ten.