I haven't heard from him. I think it means he has crossed me off his list. it is a shock to my system and has added to my deep depression

((((HUGS))))
bizi

i just wrote to cecilia and said i am heart broken and said that is it like somebody ripped away her prince from her. I said that i had told him at first she thought it was a scam.

I remember reading back that you said everything happens for a reason... Maybe Pika is not the special kitty out there that is meant for you, but I’m sorry that things haven’t worked out (((HUGS)))

I am so sorry that you are feeling so depressed right now

It sounds like you are being a bit self-destructive. Please keep taking the meds you need, and try to be mindful in your interactions with your friends that you may be overly sensitive right now (((HUGS)))

I have been unable to read back very far because I was gone so long, but when was the last time you saw your pdoc, and are you back on an antidepressant?

Love & hugs to you

I do believe everything happens for a reason and that is what I have been telling myself now over and over and over and over and am trying not to understand. I just saw my doctor and we decided that no antidepressants seem to be working on me. I told him sometimes I am not depressed and sometimes reading helps. He knows holidays seasons are hard. this afternoon abby has wanted affection. zeynep and i talked for about an hour and I mostly listened. her life is hard. she has difficult adult children and a very difficult old ex husband.
I will make myself take my medicine and try not to be so self destructive. I am in the mood. I have to take care of my cats. I have to keep on telling myself that. I had to lash out at cecilia. I felt better afterwards than bottling it in. How dare she asked why my voice sounded upset on the phone. f^&k her big time.

Sending you some hugs my friend. Remember the thing is that
you still don't honestly know whether Pika would be friendly to
you or not. So maybe you can keep looking and get a kitty for
you.

Donna

I wasn't actively looking. I belong to the list for abyssinians. sending a picture of her to show you how adorable she is. she looks so friend;y besides beautiful. yesterday abby came to me in the bed six times!

That is wonderful Bobby!

Cats are fickle. Rocky is really fickle like that, but he usually goes to Corey a lot. Corey gets mad when he is aloof. He hasn't been very interested in me since I came home from the hospital. I think he's still mad at me for leaving
At least Buddy and Dottie love me lots

probably because you smell different? tomorrow I am having pudge groomed to lion cut. NO SHAMPOO. abby was really hostile when pudge was bathed. when she wasn;t bathed all was okay. yesterday I was very busy with both my kitty cats. It is as if they knew! do you think so? God works in mysterious ways especially with cats>
love
bobby

spent close to an hour on the phone with suri this morning my best friend in israel who has breast cancer and it has probably moved to her lungs. last night she was terrified because she had two very deep coughs and she said she felt unworthy because she was given this awful form of cancer. I told her I spent most of the weekend talking to God because of what happened with the kitty cat issue and that was telling myself that whatever is God's will is good and she shouldn;t fight God's will. We can't second guess God. I wasn;t so blunt. I said that God loves us and we don't have control. She was beating herself up. I said that was the last thing she should do. I forgot to tell her she should spend much of her time looking at God's beauty rather than dwelling on the negative.
I told her I just came from a very bad place and wished I were dead and through talking to God I felt much better. She said we had to talk more.'
still haven't talked to cecilia. don't plan on calling her. don't know what will happen. I need her more than she needs me but still feeling too much pain.
tomorrow that lovely rabbi is coming over again. told him I missed him. will ask him how you can be happy and still feel suffering which is God's gift.
Marci was wonderful this afternoon.