Thank you Bobby for your support and suggestions too !!

So, nothing worked until you were put on Aplenzin and can definitely feel the difference and that it's helping you. Once I get stabilized on Lamictal, my psych doc said he would add an antidepressant and will suggest Aplenzin. Is this the generic name or is it still a brand name med?

Yes, I am sad and depressed every day and have been since childhood.

Have to make up my mind to stay away from toxic people. Lately I have felt the need to be more social but that means putting me in danger of a social disaster. When I go to Happy Hour, I sit at a table and no one joins me, they all pile up with each other at other tables and then sit and stare at me, which I find off-putting. I stopped going.

I'm sorry about your stroke, does your doctor know what caused this? You must have been in rehab for awhile to gain back your walking, writing and mathematical abilities. How long did it take for you to recover. Do you use a cane or rollator to walk? Your spelling and writing are just fine here What was your career before your stroke? Do you have an aide come in to help with housework, etc?

And I recognize how difficult it is to be alone. It's great that you can retreat into books to help pass the time. I listen to booktapes and am currently listening to Michelle Obama's new booktape called "Becoming". Very very good, a recommend. She talks in her own voice which makes it all the more interesting. I have to turn it back in next Thursday when our bookclub meets. Then we will be listening to a story about the plot to overturn President George Washington. The other booktapes I am listening to are Westerns that James Drury narrates. James Drury was The Virginian in that 9 year TV show. I love his voice. He has his own FaceBook webpage and I get to listen to what everyone says about his episodes. I also watch the PBS channels. We are now discussing "Grandchester" and James Norton leaving. Before that we all watched "Unforgiven" and talked about that one too.

How are you feeling today? How is your A/C? It's cooling off this week, will be in the 80's, yay !!

Have a good morning. I see you are up early.

Blue

I don't sleep much so have been up most of the night listening to Josh Groban and petting Pudge. I think she likes it. I am embarrassed to say I am not good like you and just escape with historical regency romances. I am not learning much. I do watch a lot of MSNBC but that isn'n really learning and it is so much repetition. I look up on the internet for spelling and I correct a lot of errors when I am typing. I had three rehabs. Finally a woman came to my house and showed me how to walk properly and tried to teach to use stairs. I am scared that I will lose my balance and fall. She also gave me an exercise and now I also have lower back problems. Nobody helped me with math or spelling so I think that they are lost. I use a cane to walk small distances.I can't control the rollator I bought. I take cabs with an aide to the doctors. I have an aide who comes on Monday and Tuesday for four hours. I don't have to pay.
Aplenzin won't come in generic til 2026. I needed special permission since the drug is so expensive. We have Epic here which is a New York state agency and don't charge more than 20 dollars a drug. I hope you have some program like that.
now that I went to the bathroom and am so hopeful that the laxative will work I am so happy. I have also been depressed most of my life since childhood. I had to take care of an alcoholic father at a very young age.
fondly
bobby
Virginia
Virginia Drug Card Open to all Virginia residents. (866) 413-9778
Virginia Insurance Counseling and Assistance Program (VICAP)

Update: Just heard from CM the s/s tenant. She said that she had never taken me for granted and was very appreciated when I took care of her kitty. Yet, she never showed nor expressed any appreciation. She did, however, flaunt all her daily activities going here and there with M. She will share with M that M has to find her own cat sitter. Now that C is in rehab for weeks, they will have no one to care for their cats. So, they will now be forced to pay for pet care.

CM said she still wants to remain good neighbors and a good friend. Not sure what her idea of a good friend/good neighbor comprises of, but now that I cut off the connection with cat sitting, I doubt I will see them again.

And that spells relief....... so that is now all settled. I will miss CM's kitty alot.

Blue

Hi Bobby ~ I am glad that you are taking care of homecare and getting help several times a week.

I love MSNBC, but since I cut my cable back, I no longer will get that show.

You know Bobby, I play with Solitaire and other math related skills on my Kindle and iphone apps. When I do Solitaire, it helps me escape from emotions as math skills are a different part of the brain and for some reason, helps me put things into perspective.

Thank you for information about Aplenzin and the links for Virginia Drug Care discounts. Since I now get Extra Help, maybe they will be able to pay a good portion of any brand name drugs. My pharmacy should be able to tell me how much Extra Help will pay.

That must have been very difficult for you dealing with alcoholism in your family at such an early age. I'm very sorry to hear this, Bobby. Is your dad still alive and did he eventually seek AA?

Glad to hear that you are feeling better.

Blue

I get it twice a week. My father just self medicated. I think he had bipolar II also. He was always depressed except for tennis and he was a lawyer judge and prosecutor and loved to do jury trials as a lawyer. He loved my schnauzer Siggy which he kept home. He really loved his nephews and didn't drink in front of them so they never knew he was an alcoholic.

Hi Mari ~ I typed you a reply and it disappeared, so will begin again.

I no longer have to practice saying "no" as I made it clear to the ladies I will no longer be doing pet sitting. However, I do need to remain vigilant around them as they are master manipulators and I always get blind sighted.

**

And she will have to pay a real pet sitter going forward as C is now in rehab for a very long time and M will be traveling with her as she is now her designated driver. So, they both will have to pay for sitters going forward.

I brought this all on myself by allowing myself to be talked into caring for their cats again. I had to talk to myself about this and I realize that the suffering I did was my own doing and if I didn't take care of their cats again last week, I would never have subjected myself to those feelings.

I feel a hugh weight has been taken off my back now. **
I recently went thru a 2 year friendship with my neighbor upstairs who started drinking again and became violent, had to walk away from her. And then there was another neighbor that I got close to that we exchanged mental health care only to find out she copied all my texts to many neighbors here so many people now know all about me, hence why I keep away from all community activities. This is why I am looking forward to going to Partial Hospitalization to kick-start my life over again and get the care I need now.

I downloaded a book to my Kindle on BiPolar for DBT. Since I have taken DBT and studied it alot over the years, incorporating this with BiPolar issues will only enhance my ability to deal as effectively as I can. I have to try now.

My life is completely closed to any inquiries from my neighbors. I have to stay away from them, I can't be around my neighbors anymore. I'm done with them. And as soon as I can, will be moving away from here.

Thank you for your cheering me along with this nonsense.

Hi Bobby ~ I'm sorry you had to bear this family secret. Are you getting help with this?

Blue

I was in therapy a few times but it never helped. Now I just thank God for everything that happens whether it looks bad or looks good.

Bobby ~ I wish I had your perspective !! Soo glad this belief is helping YOU !!

Blue

Just finished listening to Michelle Obama's Book Tape titled "Becoming". It was in her own words, she narrated it. It was soo inspiring to listen to.

Donna ~ I encourage you to either read or listen to this book tape. She is involved in the "Reaching Up" initiate about children and doing all she can to help them. She reminded me of you. This was an uplifting and inspiring book tape to listen to. I smiled all the way thru it. Although it got politically steamy at the end, it was still very enthralling.

Aside from finishing the book tape, I have been very depressed today, can barely get out of bed to do anything at all, nor do I care. I hope I am not sliding down the rabbit hole into a major depressive disorder. I do see my new psych doc on Friday. Hoping by the following week I can enter the Partial Hospitalization Phase of my new life. The trauma therapist I wanted to see, reached out to tell me she will be gone all of August and is not sure if she has room for me going forward. I really liked her background with DBT/EMDR and trauma based therapy. She is well known for her expertise.

Just finished the rest of my Rocky Road Ice Cream, dang.

Hoping everyone is having a good Saturday

Blue