GeeLuv,

Stay hopeful.

I send good energy.




M

that is great
bobby

Pink kitty

You being here now is great. Being here when you want and can be is fine. At times we all take a break whether planned or not. We do ask just so.that we don't worry that you let us know if it's going to be extended leave

I actually could probably think of plenty to journal about, but I'm like just feeling really tired and maybe a little low even lately. It's pms, but also the income loss (did I tell you guys he also got a pay cut in addition to losing the bonus and raise?!), and of course this sneaking suspicion that he's trying to be nice to me lately so I don't push for therapy (couples therapy or maybe both idk). But yeah, so just blah lately. Not to mention, I keep dreaming about kitties and babies and I miss all of those right now due to the social distancing. :/ oh, and my binging and lack of desire to exercise and the added result of not being able to sleep earlier because I sleep in later. I'm back to being a mess! But hey! At least I'm getting my word counts in for the writing camp!!...so far. :P

I'm so sorry about the way things are for you right now, G! And dreaming about kitties & babies. If it weren't for the pandemic, I would suggest becoming a volunteer for a few hours a week helping at a charity for animals or children. Oh well, you have too much to do already anyway. Things will get better! I hope it's sooner than we think. Wishing you the best, G! :hug: :circlelove:

Yeah WL, I am pretty busy...but part of that is because hubby's working from home. I guess another part is my writing camp this month and then next month is busy too...lol yeah just craziness! But it's a lot more to do with my mentality. I also have a bit of an aversion to driving myself, so like getting to places is an issue as well...and well, even the jobs themselves, while they seem great in theory, I tend to seem to find something uncomfortable about them. Like, I actually started volunteer work at the local nursing home. I love the idea of bringing some joy into the lives of these folks, but I was so SO nervous about following all the hospital rules and documenting things correctly and concisely and managing the right amount of time with each person and just knowing what to say to them...I really just got inside my own head and frankly I quit before I even started really! I mean, I did the group meal service in the dining hall for a few weeks, but when it came to one on ones...although I did also get sick at the time too...yeah it was just complicated...and my terrible pms every month also complicates things. ugh! but onto better thoughts! :D

I forgot to mention yesterday that I was going to start Gabapentin in the night. Well, here's how it went.


Well, I tried the Gabapentin last night and while it still took me a minute to fall asleep initially (got in bed at 12:45am, but didn't fall asleep until after 1:15am), it did help me stay sleepy and relaxed throughout the night...although I did have earbuds in as well for the first half of the night, but I don't think that mattered as I slept well after...and now I'm up and awake since 10:30am and feeling, well, better! So, yea...oh and no side effects (i think. i hope)
Now just to see how it will work for my anxiety. I'll be slowly tapering off of the Clonazepam now too.

Ugh! I'm actually not doing so good with this being offline stuff. I'm just so bored!!!

Gee

Find something to do instead. Can't tell what don't know, Let us know what you found

I'm not so sure if it's a result of the Gabapentin or if I was just too anxious to get back to writing my story (I didn't get to write any words yesterday). But the fact is that I kept waking up feeling it was time to wake up, but it wasn't. First it was around 7:30a and then again at 8:30am. At 8:30 I just got up. I figured I could take a nap later if I needed it...at least I hope I'll be able to do so and without guilt. I did get in half of my daily words goal for today already, so that's a good start!
Oh, but so I guess the Gabapentin was/is working to reduce my need for excess sleep (??)...actually, come to think of it, I still required a nap yesterday for like an hour...I don't know. And it's probably too soon to tell how this works for anxiety since I've only started half doses of Clonazepam yesterday. (is that too drastic of a "taper"? It was GP's recommendation.) And finally, I believe I forgot to mention this part of it before. The Gabapentin is supposed to help with my OCD tics...but it doesn't seem to be making a difference at all right now. I was picking at my fingernails again last night, with the nagging annoyed feeling when I tried stopping, so I just had to finish "fixing" until it was good enough. Sigh! I dunno! Perhaps it just takes some time until this med starts working fully.


Donna-ok, so after I logged out/read this message, I did the following.

<5minutes -looked for my colored pencils and found them
45minutes-colored in my Mandala coloring book while sitting in the porch room sun (was actually relaxing, but eventually my hand was getting tired and so was my attention).
30minutes-reading this book of Reader's Digest works from the 70s. I already forget the title of this story, but it's interesting enough! (still in porch room sun)
-then I needed to eat lunch (?) so did that.
It was nearing 6pm around then, I believe, so I still had too much time to kill...but I was also very tired. Hubby and I went into the bed to watch tv. Maid in Manhattan was on. He was bored with it, of course, but cuddled with me for a little bit. Then he went to shower and I actually fell asleep. When I woke up, I
25 minutes-washed dishes then
40ish minutes-cooked rice while watching an episode of House with hubby (on the computer) ;)

Then I couldn't take it anymore and went on the tablet. I actually had to write a message to someone that took some time and concentration...actually, I spent some time handwriting it out first so as to limit screentime, but then I had to type it up and send it.

By then it was about bedtime, so I got up, took my meds and walked around a little bit to get some bloodflow and help relax before bed. I was getting very sleepy. I crawled into bed at 1am...but then that's when the picking started. (argh!) Luckily it wasn't for too long though and then I went to sleep.

Sorry for the long description. I'm just trying to be helpful, but maybe this was just annoying. Bleh! I'm too tired to care right now (seriously sorry about that fact!)

gabapentin didn't help me at all. I hope it helps you.
fondly
bobby