[mymorgy]

I am so confused. Is your husband sympathetic and empathetic or not. Does he make everything worse or does it balance out. You seem to carry a lot of pain.
I could be mixed up. what would you want with a therapist. I think during these days there must be a lot of free services.
I don't think you are being gentle to yourself.
fondly
bobby

[pink kitty]

My husband is cranky in the evenings, he needs a lot of quiet. He doesn't get at me about chores though...

In an ideal world (which it never has been..) what would you want from a therapist?

Have you thought about online therapy
(nothing to do with ''these times''... just in general, it can be easier to talk without being interrupted by them at the wrong time, maybe Having had a lot of sub optimal therapy I have been thinking this...

[bizi]

long rant and I haven't even talked about anything else going on. I dunno! I guess all of this and the fact that I'm still having marital issues is just a big stress on me. I'm just doing my best to cope and stay sane in these times, but it just makes me think too much and sometimes that makes me sad. Like for instance, this morning I was thinking how I got up too late to really get online much and I was feeling really blue about it. But if I'm this blue from missing out online, am I addicted? And if I'm addicted, does that mean things are just so unpleasant at home that I NEED this to cope?! I mean, I'm not saying hubby is all terrible. He's not. But it's like a ticking time bomb thing. Never sure exactly what's going to set him off and start us on another fight. grrrr :/

one should not have to walk on egg shells, what about some therapy for you? then you could ask the professionals what they think...maybe he would go to describe what he has noticed in you...that you T wanted to hear his side. don't call it couples therapy.
just a thought?????
bizi

[GeeLuv]

Bobby
Sorry for any confusion. Sometimes he acts like he understands, like with the cats stuff, but other times he seems completely oblivious or just doesn't want to go there. He's so ...he's so...
He's just something else! I don't really want to try to explain it now when I'm upset and frustrated. (Although I'm not really upset much today, just have the memories and history of disappointments)
He doesn't make EVERYTHING worse, but he certainly doesn't like much of the things I like and that's a big bummer. And when I feel I've done a job well done, he's almost always there to tell me what could have been better. :/
Stuff like that.

Pink
In an ideal world, I'd want a therapist to tell me, in front of my husband, that I am right too a lot of the time, that my way is good too and that I do contribute to the marriage...
I suppose I've gotten that though, so what more I would want is for them to say that sometimes husband is even wrong or goes about things in a wrong or unproductive manner. (Woah! Now there's a shocking concept! Smh) And somehow get husband to actually recognize that he is not perfect and not just say the words, but actually recognize what he does not perfect and apologize for it even.

Also, in an ideal world, hubby would be going to therapy still for himself too. I think he really has some things to work out, which he admitted that he can't even talk to me about (gee, that makes me feel great!). He says I wouldn't understand. (I'm pretty dang understanding.) He says most people, with the exception of maybe one of his family members, would ever understand him. (Ooo! That's sad! )

I'm not sure about online therapy. First I would have to address the issue which I'm about to explain to Bizi.

Bizi

When husband refused to talk with our GP about our relationship issues, GP said he would support individual therapy for me (meaning go somewhere else). But I never really told husband yet, because the last time we spoke about therapy, he was pretty much over it, for any of us, and since he makes the money, he'd be fitting any or all bills. And even before his pay cut this year from "the thing" (capital C for crap. :P ), he likely would have not supported me to go to individual therapy. So this is my big obstacle. I was hoping to find a few decent Ts to check out and present to him with my reasons for wanting to go, but even then, I doubt he'll agree to it. Sigh! I'm not THAT sick, so I'm coping at the moment, but still would be nice to enhance our relationship...even well couples get counseling and I think (I know) we have a lot of issues. Sigh! Still, I understand money is tight right now.

Edit: Oh, and Bizi, we did already kinda try that (having him sit in on my sessions)...although, it wasn't necessarily about couples stuff. Well, the thing was, it did involve how to improve things at home, but again, he just sat there pointing the finger at me. "Needs to do more chores to show she loves me. If, and only if, she does that can I give her more us time and hugs and whatever she wants" (I paraphrase, but it was still a conditional thing and that just really disappoints me)