[Waking Light]

Hi, GeeLuv! It's so nice to hear from you! Actually, I'm gone a lot, too. Nevertheless, I wonder about you & hope you're ok. I don't have the same kinds of problems that you have, but it matters to me what you are dealing with. I'm sorry I don't have your openness. I wish I could be that way. That's one of my goals, to be willing to open up more & share the way you do. It's so helpful to have role models to help guide us closed-up types. I sometimes imagine feeling so comfortable & safe. You are a breath of fresh air, as the saying goes. I hope with all my heart that the things you wish for are coming true! Take care GeeLuv. Hugs & love to you!!

[bizi]

Originally Posted by bizi

hi geeluv,
thanks for popping in.
It can be difficult to give a bipolar diagnosis until you see a psych provider.
They need to listen to your truth and it is important to not lie or with hold bits and pieces.
vraylar is a good medication, I have read a lot of good reviews.
Bobby just started taking this, you guys can be a support to each other.


going to see another episode of the x-files.
delusions and false beliefs are parts of psychosis.
you could be BP1.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

bumping this up for geeeluv
bizi

[GeeLuv]

Originally Posted by bizi

hi geeluv,
thanks for popping in.
It can be difficult to give a bipolar diagnosis until you see a psych provider.
They need to listen to your truth and it is important to not lie or with hold bits and pieces.
vraylar is a good medication, I have read a lot of good reviews.
Bobby just started taking this, you guys can be a support to each other.


going to see another episode of the x-files.
delusions and false beliefs are parts of psychosis.
you could be BP1.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Just quick-did I mention delusions and false beliefs? (Im tired and forgetful).

And about the honesty bit with my doctors, well...I'm afraid there is one thing I didn't mention, that I'm afraid to mention to him, because he's both mine and my husband's doctor. And yes, he's under HIPPA oath, but I still fear him slipping to my husband somehow. And the thing I'm hiding is what brought me here tonight. More in a sec

I've not taken the Vraylar yet though. Still debating it. :/

Edit: read below too

[GeeLuv]

Originally Posted by Waking Light

Hi, GeeLuv! It's so nice to hear from you! Actually, I'm gone a lot, too. Nevertheless, I wonder about you & hope you're ok. I don't have the same kinds of problems that you have, but it matters to me what you are dealing with. I'm sorry I don't have your openness. I wish I could be that way. That's one of my goals, to be willing to open up more & share the way you do. It's so helpful to have role models to help guide us closed-up types. I sometimes imagine feeling so comfortable & safe. You are a breath of fresh air, as the saying goes. I hope with all my heart that the things you wish for are coming true! Take care GeeLuv. Hugs & love to you!!

Oh, this is the perfect segue actually. I'm glad I inspire you and I hope that continues and you can feel comfortable sharing sometime. That being said,...

I'm a little concerned I might be opening up too much...not just here, but this new community I found. Don't get me wrong, they're super supportive, but it's like this...and tell me, folks (Bizi and whomever else reading), is this behavior getting extreme in your opinion? Ok, I'll explain-

So, know how I'd been talking about that famous musician, Tom? Well, I've recently gotten into this one of a kind situation with his former bandmate, Mark. Mark created this online community for his fans (of the band that he and Tom started so long ago). And, I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but he like actually talks to us, interacts and answers our questions and shares about his day...on a daily basis now for the last week or so! Can you believe it?! This guy from this band that I was so very obsessed with as a teen actually is talking to me on a daily basis??!! I'm flying high guys! ...but I'm also scared and anxious. Not anxious cuz of him, because he's the most friendly and welcoming celeb that acts like a regular guy that makes everyone feel so loved and welcomed, but because of my husband and his concern about me spending so much time and or just basically making me feel guilty for doing anything away from him with others. Sigh! So, like I'm in this terrible fear that not only will my marriage be compromised somehow, but also that I'll lose the online community somehow and my lifelong "hero" and his friend/former bandmates will both end up shunning me for some reason...and I'll just be utterly destroyed.

Truth is, I have a bit of an unhealthy "crush" on Tom, despite still respecting him and his present endeavors, but as I think I've said, I need this because H doesnt really provide me everything I need. I am not particularly unfaithful. I'd never actually act on anything (ha! As if I'd even have the chance), but still, I feel some guilt and a lot of fear that husband will find out my true feelings and leave me. :/ So, this insanely awesome opportunity with Mark right now, ive had to pretty much conceal from anyone irl who might show some concern and mention it to H... I think I might mention it to my brother though...but I kinda worry about my sister in law getting word and saying something to my brother which will get back to my folks and H.

Ugh! Am I really in the wrong here?? Or I mean, am I acting reckless or "bipolar", or is this just a really damn awesome opportunity that anyone would be empathetic to my excitement??

Top that off, me feeling so good and accepted in this community and from this famous person, my confidence has been better as is my sex drive (admittedly more from Tom, and we'll, t bh, he was always a kind of sexual being, so like that doesn't help...but at the same time, he's also super funny, sweet, genuine, smart and I just relate to him and his fans so much)...so my sex drive has been up. But, who benefits most from that? Husband. So, like he's getting what he needs, how is it wrong then for me to get what I need, which is mainly just a jumpstart. Know what I mean??

Anyway, folks. Sorry this is soo long, but it required explanation. Do you think I'm extreme and/or could benefit from medication? And if so, how do I explain this to H?

Thanks!

[bizi]

I think a lot of people fantasize about other people when they have sex.
You know that you have an addiction to the internet. This fan club feeds into that...
probably because of the covid that there is a lot of interaction from the band via twitter, groups on face book and other web sights.
I think this doesn't sound too bad, it benefits your hubby's desires. Which should help your marriage.
Balance is the key. Are you getting chores done?
Is hubby complaining about your internet use?
good luck
bizi

[Dmom3005]

I agree with Bizi. And if its not interferring with your time with your hubby
then it shouldn't matter to him. I'm guessing he worries that your meeting someone on line to get into a relationship with. But I don't think its the
one your in with the band online. I personally don't know how he would
feel if he figured out that its a band that your obsessed with.

Donna

[bizi]

Originally Posted by GeeLuv

Just quick-did I mention delusions and false beliefs? (Im tired and forgetful).

And about the honesty bit with my doctors, well...I'm afraid there is one thing I didn't mention, that I'm afraid to mention to him, because he's both mine and my husband's doctor. And yes, he's under HIPPA oath, but I still fear him slipping to my husband somehow. And the thing I'm hiding is what brought me here tonight. More in a sec

I've not taken the Vraylar yet though. Still debating it. :/

Edit: read below too

I am sorry I said that, I was just thinking that you may have a false belief about your relationship with Tom. .....I don't want to be a kill joy.
may I ask how much time are you on the internet?
mine has lessened.
bizi

[GeeLuv]

Hey, thanks Bizi and Donna! For some reason my notifications aren't coming through my emails anymore and I didn't check here before to save some internet time.

Easy answers first. No, I don't have an unrealistic belief about Tom. I don't even know if I'll ever even connect with him online, let alone meet or have any sort of relationship, and I'm not looking for that. I mean, yes he's my ideal aesthetic and clearly I fantasize about intimate stuff, but I don't expect or even really want anything more, ya know?
Don't be sorry or anything though, Bizi. <3

So, yeah, I have the internet addiction and sadly, I'm hurting my eyes again from it. I was forced to use it very little today, but we'll see how the evening goes. Yeah, sleep has been awful, especially last night, because I'll wake up and check things. Ugh! I did go to bed earlier...but like I said, I woke up a few times and hopped on. Smh

I'm doing chores still, but could still do more. And yes, hubby whines about my internet use, but it's not like we're doing anything else. I think he does just worry about my particular interactions as well as my lack of physical fitness. I've been better with that though. It just comes and goes tho. And the new group is a chat group, so it's easy for me to get sucked into a conversation...then again, Twitter isn't so good either, because I'm checking several times a day just to have one conversation...and I've also added a bunch more people so there's even more stuff to read...

I think the biggest problem is the Google searches about the band and watching old videos and doing photo/gif searches to share. And I can never just stop at one image or video. It goes into this rabbit hole of discovery. So, that I feel, is my biggest issue. THAT is the addictive part (searching and then sharing). Sigh!

Edit: he whines, but it's not as serious as before and it's only been a couple of times. But, I KNOW myself that I'm carried away. :/

[Waking Light]

Hi, GeeLuv, my goodness. I wish I had some good input for you, but I feel completely ill equipped for something like this. But I feel sure you'll figure it out. Anyway, nice to hear from you again. B&B is really interesting right now, by the way. Take care, dear friend.

[GeeLuv]

Hey all!

So I figured out that my updates were being sent to the spam folder. :/ No idea why it just suddenly started doing that.
Anyway, hopefully i'll be able to keep up a bit better.

Still crazy tho!

And Waking Light, I missed B&B today cuz i was up in the night and needed to catch up on sleep. I know it's getting interesting tho!!

but yea, i'm still hyper over the fact that i get to chat with a famous person. and get this, he and his family were (are?) actually visiting a place not very far from me! it's close, but still too far to visit them...not like they're doing any official meets tho. still, it's crazy! typically, they're on the "other side" of the country. It's so cool to have them nearby

sigh! yea, so still obsessed with that (understandably so, i'd say), but also with Tom...Tom's not very chatty, at least not lately, but he'll still upload pics sometimes. He's still so dreamy!! Meanwhile, I've been fangirling with others obsessed with him...probably not the healthiest thing, but at least someone gets me...

i have been trying to tone it down tho. actually, i started following Mark's mom (and now his son?!!) on social...so like, i don't want to scare anyone away who doesn't know me yet. (I promise I'm not all bad, just enthusiastic and that doesn't always read so well over text...thankfully, Mark's not been frightened off yet. He actually specifically addressed me when we all were discussing our vegetable likes and dislikes today. Getting addressed by him is like the highest honor, IMO. )

so yea, on cloud nine right now! scary that others have such an affect on me tho...one minute up, the next down...hope i can stay kinda up for awhile now tho

hugs and love to you all! <3