i have been catastrophizing, rats

I am sorry about this.
worry equals wasted precious time.
bizi

I have had too many traumatic things happen to me over my life. talk about a waste of precious moments. it is so difficult living all by yourself and having nobody to lean on. it sucks. having no family. you must feel so awful about your drinking and all that wasted time.
I just sold two stocks and made some money and bought one who has a new technique for colonosopies. that I have to wait.

yes bobby,
I do feel awful about wasted time about drinking and blacking out and getting sick, I hurt my ribs this past time last weekend.sigh
when am I ever going to give it up?
hope your stocks do well.
love to you bobby.
bizi

how did you hurt your ribs? do you think you could go to a detox place? you have so many things going for you! I know you don't pray for help. How close were you to your brother.
love
bobby

I hurt my ribs getting so violently ill throwing up. sigh
wonder if my meds are not right. Maybe I need to take the NAC again for controlling the urge to self pick maybe that was helping controlling my drinking as well.
The habit of going to fat pats is too easy to go and have a few beers. They are cheap 2 for 1.I can have 2 small beers for 6$, $7.50 including tip. That is about what they cost in the grocery store.
This last time at pats, I drank a lot of water and that slowed down my drinking. and I kept it to 2 beers and felt so full from the water. The next night I had the water again but this time put my beer into the water, and still stuck to just 2 beers. The manager said I could have a pitcher of water so I did not have to wait on the staff to get me more water. that worked out well for 2 days monday and tuesday this week. But I came home and drank more.
love,
bizi

Think of all your blessings! Think Hard. I feel so badly that you are hurting yourself so badly. I think I remember that the step program won't help. Jeff doesn't seem to help you. I can be a compulsive eater and right now I did it again. I was a compuslvie smoker but it was only tell I couldn't afford it did I stop. Once I gave it up for 18 years. you can afford to drink. Poor Bizi. Maybe if I start praying hard for you.
love you and very worried!
bobby

Thank you bobby, It is going to be alright.
I will be ok. thank you for your prayers.
love you
bizi

I wish this sadness and anxiety would go away. Last night Pudge slept with me. She has been throwing up the past few days.

Do you think she is trying to throw up a hair ball?
poor kitty
bizi