just wrote my nephew and told him never to mention my sister again to me, I told him what I thought of the selfish b@#tch and that she was not at all supportive of my mental illness. if anything she made it worse. i feel relieved. i also told him she was a lousy Jew.

he answered me back and said okay and signed it love. i wrote and said i spent 6 years under the covers in pain.( i hadn't been diagnosed yet.)

i just started crying.

really you were able to cry.
wow that is a big deal.
love you bizi

thanks so much. It also wants to make me eat ugh.
love
bobby

I have been eating like crazy lately. my weight is 190.....
sigh
bizi

yesterday was so incredible. It felt like the old times in a way. I did so much thinking and talking and listening and bipolar didn't get in the way. I tried to talk Emily, the intern, into putting out some youtubes because her voice is so lovely and spiritual.

during her class, she spent so much time singing. I didn't know I would get into her class so when I spoke with her before I asked her to sing for me.
she said something I never heard before which was very comforting. She said some people believe that God can interfere with free will when the person is really trying and going off track but for pure
reasons while he won't interfere with people who are going off track for not pure reasons.
At five aaron called and the conversation was utterly fantastic and a lot of times over my head. I used to be very bright but I have lost so much of it. I wonder if partially it was due to the drugs I take and old age. we talked about everything , even old Russian stories. He didn't know that Tolstoy was a good friend to Gandhi. I didn't know that Grant was a great with military tactics. and that he uffered from depression.
I really want to learn more about Churchill. I wish my concentration were better.
Saying prayers to you Bizi. You haven't written much.
Love
bobby

today after eight months i leave my apartment and go to the opthamalogist with Robert. I am so scared. I was in a black mood all day and night. aaron called unexpectedly and I said I couldn't talk. He said he would call on wednesday.
this morning I started wondering if I should read the New Testament. Jesus was Jewish and a wise prophet.
I don't know what to do about the stock market. Pudge slept with me all night but I hardly slept.
love
bobby
marci keeps on reminding me to take my shots.

I rreaally enjoyed it. I still haven't gotten my check. the depression and fear doesn't let up I just feel like crying. I am worried about money but I don't think I have to be if I don't live that long.