i just threw out five pairs of shoes. i just feel like getting rid of things. They were nice but i didn't care.
I did a bit of cleaning but it was almost disastrous. my balance is off and i can hardly walk. i was cleaning the sink with ajax and it almost got into eye. boy was i lucky.
I changed the cat litter. because of my balance almost half the litter spilled on the floor. I was able to sweep up most of it.
i wonder what i am going to mess up next.
i am not depressed.

my caseworker just called and made me feel so much better. she said i was a very good person and should not allow anybody to demean me. she agreed i should end the friendship with Linda and another woman because they make me feel badly.
She said i am on the waiting an extra helper. she said i don't have to explain myself to a substitute worker i am getting tomorrow. marci went to florida this week for funeral.
Celia said don't worry about trying to clean because i am handicapped and don't explain it to the worker tomorrow.
I want to order chinese food so badly but my stomach aches are horrible. i guess i will have oatmeal. i should have learned my lesson my now.

Bobby

Your case worker is so right. And tomorrow when the substitute comes.
I hope you can just talk to her about nice things, like if the weather is nice.
And if you need things cleaned maybe make a list today. Also try working
on your pt. And keep your head up so you can be upbeat.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

here are some sights that aaron sent me.

Here are some places to look up to get a sense of the sights around Laramie:

Centenial
Medicine Bow National Forest
Happy Jack Trailhead
Curt Gowdy State Park
Vedauwoo
Snowy Range Mountains

here are some breath taking pictures
pictures of Medicine Bow National Forest google

i just took my first dose of 25 mg of topamax. after 5 days i am to increase to 50mg. years ago i took it but don't remember why i dropped it. i didn't have any side effects.
IT seems like I am the only one who is posting about bipolar.

Topiramate may be useful for people who have bipolar mood disorders that other mood stabilizers have been unable to control. It can relieve symptoms and make taking antidepressants possible for people who were unable to take them before without experiencing mania or a mixed state.Jan 29, 2016

Thank you Donna, This is a very sweet post.
bizi

hardly slept. stomach was too painful. high anxiety about an aide coming today to clean. i wasn't able to clean because of my disabilities.
shouldn't have listened to so much news. terrified we are going to loose our democracy, medicare and social security. those wackos are such fiends. there are so many of them and so many stupid, stupid people who don't think beyond their nose.

i already freaked out and my nerves are now totally shot. a replacement aide came today and i wanted her to do the wash. i got the card for the machine and was holding it. it has 40 dollars on it. she was doing some other things so i put the card down. then i couldn't find it. i was going crazy. I asked Peggy to look and she found it in a bag of powder right by my bed. i never would have thought to look in the bag.

i just spoke with my caseworker and she reassured that losing the card could happen to anyone. because i am mentally ill i always think the worse.

I am glad that she found your card. Did she end up doing some laundry for you?
I think I drink too much because it is a habit now.
If anyone asks me if I want a drink I say why yes!
That includes jeff.
my weight is really up this morning 187.3, I know that is from the salt of dining out. But it was delicious!
We are a very small group.
wonder how friend is doing?
Think I will write to him.
bizi

yes she is doing it right now. linda just called and i said i couldn't talk now and hung up.
i do a lot of things because of habit. now i am in such a fix. i am scared to eat.
i want to order chinese food for instance but i usually feel so rotten afterwards. i guess i will eat more oatmeal. i checked again to make sure the fiber wouldn't kill me.
I AM SO WORRIED ABOUT YOUR KITTY CAT. WHAT IF SHE IS IN CONSTANT PAIN? I wished you hadn't mentioned it. you know how i feel about kitty cats.sorry
love,
bobby

the woman was awful. i have been in such a rotten mood lately with so much nausea ,bloating and gas. had porridge. wish i would throw it up. making peppermint tea. my nerves are on fire.

linda called again and i said i couldn't talk. she wrote back and said she got the message and i wasn't the only one with problems. the only difference was i had told her before i would listen. Gone

Bobby

Try to let Linda and her talking like that to you go. Honestly I don't talk
about bi-polar because when I do it doesn't sound like I know what I'm
talking about. The experiences I know about are different in each person.

Like my son, he needs one shot a month, because he can't remember to
take his meds. But also because none of the meds exactly work if he does
take them. I could tell that, even when I made sure he took them. I made
sure they got changed, as much as possible. The only ones that worked some
were the depakote, and wellbutrim. But when he would forget to take them,
his behavior would return, it was a rage type behavior and maniac all the time.
But the rage, was what was mainly controlled, thanks to the depakote.


My sister, is having lots of trouble right now. So bad she posted a new thread
last night, about her tarkenesha which is the uncontrollable shaking, and other
things with movement. She was talking about the fact that she has
trouble with the bottom trunk part of her body. And that the meds that are causing this, is as low as it can go. THat the meds for the problem, is as high as it can go. She really doesn't know what else is going to come along. Or happen.

These are just a couple of the cases of family members with bipolar I know about.

One definetely has stomach problems, my son, he has chrohns, which luckily
doesn't need treated right now. Because its in remission.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

i did call the support line yesterday and got a wonderful woman. She has IBS-c so knows how awful it is. She also had depended on magnesium citrate
liquid and can't wait for it to come back. i told her about the powder that doesn't work as well but she will buy it. she thought i was right about linda. she understand how stupid people really frustrated me. she said she hopes when i call back she can get me again. we really hit it off.
the peppermint tea got rid of my stomach ache in 15 minutes.
i wish i could sleep more. my p.t. today is going to be a disaster. ii have been hurting when i was walking to the computer and kitchen. don't know why.
so wish i could sleep more. it helps stabilize me. drinking coffee now and listening to repeat of news. new news starts at 5.

i was only able to do one lap in the hall. i hope i can do better when my p.t. comes. The woman. the that came yesterday was so lazy. i had to tell her to put away the laundry. she just left it sitting in the bag on the chair. she left a cup in the sink. i had to ask her to clean a mirror. i didn't ask much and most of the time she stood with her back to me and i don't know is she was playing video games on her phone .
I don't know know how to nicely say to dopes who i am so much brighter than to shut up.. i can't help it but it gets me so furious. I had no trouble with children but especially when i am already irritable from bipolar I can longer handle the idiots even even if they mean well. i guess i am very obnoxious.

I would tell your case manager about what she did. It needs to
be reported. And ask not to have her as a sub again.

I think it might even be better to have no one.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

i did tell and also told the women's supervisor. now i wonder if the woman was texting. i can't wait until marci comes back next week. i can't clean and hold the walker at the same time. yesterday when i sat on a stool to clean the cat litter and add new cat litter, i wound up spilling half the new litter on the floor. . My right hand is weak. Of COURSE I REPORTED THE WOMAN AND SAID I DIDN'T WANT HER BACK I am not a fool and don't need that advice. If you have any ideas how to keep my rage that would be appreciated but that is another symptom of bipolar and might take a miracle.
love,
bobby

Bobby

Sorry, I was just making sure you would report it. I know you used to
think it might not be something you should do.
:hug:
I honestly don't have any idea's about rage. The only way I knew to
get it under control was with depakote, that was with my son.

Donna

PS, no I'm not saying to take that.:hug::grouphug:

i had already tried that a way back. didn't help.
love,
bobby

just called my caseworker and told her about my despicable infantile narcissitic(sp) neighbor who saw me in the hall yesterday with my p.t and walker . and kept on saying let's race, let's race, lets race. My caseworker reminded me what comes around goes around.
I had a very famous and loved friend and boy did she hate him because he was so famous and she wasn't.

just bought more pure peppermint tea-twinings-helps my nausea and stomach pain-awful weak.

Bobby,

Just was saying what helped my son. But it honestly was a different kind
of rage. You don't want that kind. It was a hitting and punching walls
kind.

Also I got the exercises and things, I am just having trouble answering in
private messages. It took forever yesterday and it kept kicking me out
today.:hug::grouphug:

ITs this computer.
Donna

i do have fantasies sometimes of really swatting people like my horrid next door neighbor but I have never ever hit anybody or anything except a tennis ball, paddle ball or squash ball.
love,
sleepless bobby

i think a lot of my anger has to do with sleep deprivation.. I do wish though
that i had told my neighbor i didn't know that fat pigs like you could run. i lost my opportunity.
i think i have to skip the ibs-c forum for a while. it is too depressing. my current laxative barely works.
because of my lack of sleep I have been making careless errors like throwing out one of the shoes i bought for marci and told her about.. thank God I am not paranoid yet from lack of sleep.
i will try very hard to clean what i can the next two days. i am going to drink a lot of peppermint and chamomile tea.
alice still hasn't sent oct's rent check but she is okay. it does unnerve me further.

i couldn't resist. when a porter came up i told him what my monster neighbor did to me by taunting me and before telling me to downstairs to get a porter to open my door when it would have taken her less than a minute. She is such a fat pig.

i am in a much better mood. I read a book I really enjoyed on my kindle so didn't have to struggle reading. I regret writing to Alice telling her about all the rotten things that have been happening and having a hard time coping.
I was out of control..
I know I have to live next door to next door neighbor and can't attack her. When I see her i will just ignore her.
I don't have a stomach ache right now. that really helps. They really interfere with my sleep which makes my bipolar worse. now i don't know why i have to force myself to take all my medication. I am really asking for trouble. Last night I FINALLY TOOK AT 7.. Before i always take it when I wake up..

i am just afraid of going in the hall to practice walking in case i ran into the monster. i called support line. finally she gave me the advice i needed. if i run into the monster tell her nicely never speak to me again. good advice, right.
She also gave me another support group where i can use zoom. off to the hall to see about how many laps i can do.

Bobby

I wish you could find someone in the building that would come up and
talk or help you be a buffer like when your walking the hall. So the
neighbor doesn't get on your nerves. Sorry,

Donna :hug::grouphug:

there is nobody. i am wondering if i can tell the super what the monster did with the door and the taunting and ask him to tell her not ever talk to me again. I will call my senator this morning and see if they have any suggestions.
she is a fat bully and i am sure i can just firmly tell her never to talk to me again. that might scare her. I did finally get her to open the door wide when i was firm.
as of yesterday i am trying to stop swearing. i love to swear and it gives me a great release but i guess it has gotten out of hand so i am going to try to stop. wish me luck.
I suffer a lot from nausea from my ibs so last night i tried a generic super maalox and within 15 minutes the nausea went away and didn't come. do i ever pray that it will continue to work.

i called my senator's office and was told to send a letter for documentation to management about the two incidents and writing that i was going to tell her to never speak to me again. still haven't sworn. wrote that my p.t. witnessed it.

Good for you Bobby. I would let the management know.

They might be able to if nothing else move her somewhere else.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

she owns the apartment but if things get worse at least there is documentation. I have also told two other of the staff about her behavior.
I have had such such a horrible stomach ache ache since yesterday. My IBS IS SO AWEFUL.

i just told another doorman what a monster Rose was and talked what she did and about Jose and how hateful and jealous she had been of him. still have a stomach ache

I am sorry that she is a monster.
Is this about her not going down to the lobby? Or is is something else?
I am sorry I don't have time to re read your thread.
Thanks bobby
love bizi

Bobby

I know you don't go get groceries so I am not sure how easy it
would be to get some. But I learned to day in my oncologist
office that banana's are about the best thing for upset stomach
and heartburn.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

hi bizi,
on thursday when i was with my p.t. practicing walking in the hall, she started prancing around and around and repeatedly saying let's race interrupting my session besides having her cruel taunting infuriating me.

thanks Donna.
I have been living on maalox.

called the help line and told her all the problems I have been facing alone and at my age. She said I was very brave. That made me feel good.
Then had trouble with youtube playing.. already my nerves were strung out and my stomach ache with me all day but rebooted and it is now playing..
One stock keeps on crashing. oh well. One of my few friends got angry at me. i think the first in 50 years. I catastrophized. .A lot of bipolars do it. It might have been the result of my being the caretaker at a very young age when my father was drunk. Drunks shouldn't have children..

I some how missed your explanation.
How awful for you and very rude.