Hi all,

Just when I think that my dear friend Doug cannot lose anymore weight he does. The cancer or the pain meds are going to his brain I believe cause he's started to talk out of his head. He is sleeping most of the time now which is part of the dying process one of the hospice nurses said. I've had this sickening feeling that I cannot decribe except to say maybe it is the fear of losing Doug. I know though that he has no quality of life and when he is called home it will be a blessing. It raises awareness of my own death when the time comes though which can be scary. I'm scared of being without Doug and not feeling needed anymore also. Doug's attitude though is still good and he's been quit smoking for 19 days. He recently said that he thought he had a cigarette lit and then fell asleep. When he awoke he thought, oh crap, that cigarette must be somewhere burning and he went to look for it. Then he realized he no longer smoked. Oh God how I don't want to lose him.

befuddled2