Hey i'm new here and this seems to be a very informative site,

I'm 22 and i've had clinical depression on and off for about 5 years (well that's how long i have been diagnosed for) but i may have prehaps had the depression for longer...its hard to distinguish teenage me from depressed me. Anyway, since being at uni i have continued to be plagued by a rollercoaster of emotions not knowing how i would feel from one hour to the next. I have been very depressed and SI'ing one minute and then laughing with people the next. It is incrediably confusing. I have been wondering for a while if i prehaps have bipolar but i don't really think i fit masses of the symptoms. My friends would refer to me as a very bubbly, outgoing, confident person and i do enjoy chattering to people (to me there is nothing more enjoyable and intriguing) but i also have these massive lows (that seem to be getting worse...prehaps because i'm more tired??) where i'm literally unable to function and do sit for days in my room hiding from everyone.
I have also periods where i feel really restless - almost as if i am wound up like a coil that is going to be released and send me bouncing around the room from wall to wall. I have had periods (not as recently) where i have felt compelled to move constantly, i have, in the past, taken to standing on chairs and tables so that people have assumed that i was drunk but usually i find someone safe and be as annoying as possible - this will involve poking them, trying to start fights, generally talking alot and really needing attention all the time. At these times i know something is wrong, i feel as if something is out of place but i can't put my finger on what it is and i figure that i am just bored (which i may well be). Sometimes the only way to stop the depression frenzy (my name for it) is to either jump up and down and let it out, or find another way to numb myself either by burning (easy to disguise from friends what you are doing even if you are doing it in front of them!) or of late - drink. I do not really get racing thoughts though, nor am i particually productive during these times as i find it hard to concentrate so i guess i'm trying to sort out what is simply me (prehaps i am just incrediably bored and irritable at times...) and what is anything abnormal.

There is one last thing to tell you, about a yr ago now, i was in a depressed period where i was functioning but basically living day to day and thats all. I would sit on the bus and look out the window and watch the people walking by and i would 'see' their souls. It sounds odd, and no i didn't literally 'see' them but i somehow knew what they looked like, their colour and shape and where they were abouts they were hovering outside the person. There were lots of little bits involved not just a big sheet as i would suppose an aura is (if there is one). I'd watch people walk by and walk past someone and again 'see' these things change colour or at least in my perception interact. Sometimes if i was actually in the crowd of people it'd feel like they were everywhere and sometimes it was just too much as they would seem to be 'chattering' away. It was claustrophobic. I have the feeling not many people would describe things like this, but i guess after awhile i started to adjust to it and actually thought maybe i had been given a gift to see things other people can't. It wasn't a particually nice gift because i felt i was watching the dimise of the world and i was unable to do anything to stop it but i did feel as if i belonged to a special empathetic group of people...and...well i started to think more religiously at this time. If that makes sense.

I don't 'see' those things anymore, and i guess in some ways i miss it but i certainly don't miss the claustraphobia. Now i'm basically depressed - very atypical. I've not responded to 2 sets of meds and now i'm going to see a psychiatrist (if the NHS ever gets rid of the waiting list and i'm still in one piece to see the guy) but i wasn't sure whether (when i do see him) i should tell him these other 'restless' periods. They don't last long, the longest being prehaps a week (usually shorter) as most of the time i'm just feeling overall depressed. (and going up, down, up, down).

What do you think - am i making a mountain out of a mole-hill? How should i approach this area if i should talk about it, because i do not want to make a big deal out of something that is not important and be horrendously embarrassed (i have never mentioned these feelings to anyone before) - i just don't want to be over-dramatic. Can you help??

Thank you - i hope you don't think i'm odd!!