TRIGGER!!!!! DEATH


A month ago, my girlfriend died recovering from surgery that was not supposed to be that dangerous. I am only able to write about it now. That seems both spineless and callous. How could only a month be enough for me to go though the vortex of grief to the point that I can rationally speak of her death?

We knew each other for over two years and had been together as partners for over a year, but we are both "old". I am sixty and she was fifty-eight. Every day brought more information out about each other's past life, and our plans for the future, (of which the surgery was a factor), became more concrete. Now it is all dust.

We were both members of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, a peer group for those so afflicted. She was Bipolar and I had Major Depressive Disorder, (as far as can be determined). We met at a group meeting and our love developed slowly.

She was the most demonstratively compassionate person that I ever met. When new members came into the group in tears, it was she who walked across the room, put her arms around them, and told them that they were at the right place. Without her, the group is but a shadow.

I organized a memorial for her a week ago Sunday which was so well-attended that we had to steal chairs from other rooms to seat all the participants. The speeches that were made about her were inspirational. She was loved by so many people for so many unique reasons.

I am strongly tempted to delete what I have written. It is so pallid and cold compared to the person that I am trying to describe. But I want as many people as possible to know that a unique crazy human being left this earth, a human being who raised the spirits, calmed the anxious, and reaffirmed the self-esteem of more people than I can count. I will spend the rest of my life looking for someone equally crazy, but I doubt that there was more than one.

If life were rational, she would have been world-renowned. Empathetic talent such as hers is rarer than gold. However, at least I knew her.

Sorrowfully,
highhatsize

P.S. Sorry not to have been around for awhile. I was just feeling too good.

hhs

there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

i am so very sorry for your loss, but also happy that you found such a person to enrich your life, even if it was such a short time.

i am a big believer in celebrating the persons life. she really sounds like a special woman.

Please leave your post here if you feel you can.

Your words are a tribute to a remarkable life.

There is no timeline for grief. There is no "right way".

Thank you so much for sharing her with us.

My arms are around you right now. You are in my heart and in my thoughts.

Dear Highthatsize,
I am glad that you knew her and shared love with such a beautiful person.
It breaks my heart that you won't have her to share your life with anymore.
Be good to yourself.

Mari

I'm glad your decidecd to post it was beautiful,as was you friendship.
Bless you,,,Sue

((((((highhatsize)))))),

I'm so sorry It seems so unfair ... doesn't it

I don't think your message is cold at all. And I certainly don't think it's "too soon". It brings joy to my heart to know that there was a special person like your friend out there for awhile bringing solace and comfort.. Mrs. Bear is right -- that's something to celebrate.

You were blessed to have someone like her in your life. I wish more than anything that you could have had her in your life for a lifetime.

I believe that people who have completed their work here get to move on to the next step sooner than the rest of us.

There's a saying or a belief that as long as someone speaks your name or has a memory of you that you continue on. It's impressively overwhelming to think of how many lives your friend has touched and how much good she's brought into this world.

You were lucky to have someone come into your life who brought love and light and happiness. I wish I could have that.

I'll say a quiet prayer for your friend tonight. I hope that you've got people in your real life that can hold you up and support you until you get to the place where the memories are stronger than the tears. You've certainly got that support and caring from all of us here.

Bless you. And bless the memory of your friend.

Barb

I too believe you need to leave your beautiful tribute to a beautiful
person. I have tears running down my face. See I can see this
person clearly. I know many that could, I know many that wish they
had a person just like this.

So please leave this beautiful tribute hear for more to read.

Hoping you continue to heal after your loss.

Donna

Dear High hat,
Oh this makes me sad for you....I can't imagine losing someone so special....
You sounded like you were a happy couple....
thank you for sharing some of your story with us.
I am sorry that this has happened....
sending extra hugs for you tonight.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I hope that you are comforted in knowing that you are who you are today because you knew her.

She has given you a great gift.

That is why you are writing about it now... it isn't too soon... who's definition of too soon is correct... who is to know but you....

and something moved you to write... something inside of you

I think you may be on the path to discovering how to carry on her special legacy...

she is inside you and will be there when you need her.

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

and sorry we had to meet this way.
I'm Addy from the Survivors of Suicide forums and old MGH forums.

take care of yourself,

I too am so sorry for your loss. She sounds like she was a wonderful person.

Remember all the good times, grieve when you want to, there is no set rule.

She is with you in spirit and soul and always will be.

What you wrote was beautiful.

Nikko