At 8:15 pm I got a call from some woman I don't know telling me she was at my work friend's house and needed to know if I could come be with him so she could go home.

I thought that maybe something important was going on.

->When I got there, she was gone and G. was sitting on the sofa out of it and saying he was in pain.

--->>I asked if he wanted to go to the hospital.

---->>>He said that he had been at the ER all day the day before.

------>>>>And so on. (He appears to have considerable brain damage and yet even before he tried to take himself out, he was acting strange so I don't know his prognosis and really don't want to know. It doesn't look good. But maybe I can still pray for him and hope for him.)

I made him call his niece so that she could help/force him into taking a med that he got at the ER. I didn't want to be responsible for med decisions and yet I sort of was.

The boyfriend was singing with a choir at a Christmas Eve service at the performing arts center and would be out until after 1:00 am.
And yeah, the boyfriend is a little weird, . .
=-=-=-=-=-=

When the boyfriend came home, he and I spoke for a little while. He is holding up ok but G is not eating, not cooperating with the home health aid they hired a few days ago, . . .

According to the social workers, G. needs a home health aid for 12 hours a day. The boy friend is paying for 8 hours but he is doing it out of pocket since insurance does not cover it. . . .

=-=-=-=-

When I got home at 2:30 qm, hubby was awake and very much NOT HAPPY that I had left the house. He had gone to bed at 7:00 pm and I left notes for him to call my cell phone -- which he did right when I was turning into our apt complex.

But hubby often has a kind of atavistic freak out about my going out at night time. He thinks that, barring our work place obligations, I should be safe and sound indoors after dark.

Well I still sleep all day. And it gets dark at 6:30 pm. He got very bossy and protective and said that he cannot keep me safe if I am out and such . . .
He reminded me that even in his right mind, G. would never come be with one of us in crisis. That is true but not the point. . .
The phone call caught me off guard and I reacted.

Now I realize that the woman who called me is probably far along the nutty-crazy continuum and that without me there G. would have managed and eventually fallen asleep.

The very important thing is that I am ok.
Really.
And hubby went back to sleep after being up for an hour. He'll be ok too.

Thanks for letting me retell all that.
M.

Hi again,
You can see that I am still torn up. But I am trying to make this not a problem. I'm not angry him anymore. I care but am not going to let myself care so much that I got sick like I had. I'm ok.

I noticed that G.'s apt had no Christmas decorations up. He used to be a decorating freak. The boyfriend said that they have not decorated since G's mother died 4 years ago. Sad.



M.

A difficult story.

I know you went through a heart-wrenching period with your ex-colleague/friend ... you showed great kindness in going over there. Your hubby is wonderful for wanting to protect you; i think his anger was out of fear for you.

I AM GLAD YOU ARE SAFE.

Perhaps you are right, everything would have been fine had you not gone. But you would not know that, either, had you not gone.

You were a good friend to go over there. Sometimes good friends cannot do that, and it sounds like you are still figuring out... to what extent you can help G, and remain safe and sane.

It is great you hear your difficulty with the situation, and are striving to keep healthy boundaries for you. Even if that means not going another time. That wouldn't make you a "bad friend."

Cheers to you, Mari. I hope your sleep is restful today, and that you find peace upon your waking. Thank your hubby on my behalf, for wanting to take care of you so.



~ waves ~ from across the ocean

you still have a lot of work on your boundaries...I guess they have to come from your intellect and not from instincts...how to turn off humanity....I am still having problems with Ron. I have the need to call him every day. It is not healthy for me. Occasionally my intellect works. A lot of times he gets me angry and practically all the time I can't express it. After all I am not in a wheelchair and he is. I blame it all on my young days as being a caretaker...
I have mentioned repeatedly that my doctor said my bipolar wouldn't be as bad if I had a different childhood.
Your husband sounds so wonderful. Give him a big hug from me. You mentioned that he has problems too but his attributes must more than outweigh them. I thought of him as a huge furry cuddly teddy bear when I read your post.
It is so nice that you have good memories of your grandmother..was that your maternal or fraternal grandmother?
Bobby

I think you are a very caring person. You did what you felt was right to do.

Your husband was worried, and I can understand that too.

Hope you get some rest.

Your a saint!

Lots of Hugs, Nikko

Mari

You wouldn't have slept, you would have worried, and you definately
would have been sad, mad and upset later if you hadn't have gone.

I know that you are a caring person. The only thing different you
could have done, was wake up the hubby and say.

I need you to come with me. And that would have worked then if
he refused it was his fault.

Donna

I shouldn't have gone.
I'm a mess.
I'm depressed and I'm fighting off further decompensation.

M.

'Still worrying about him. He appears to be deteriorating quickly.

In the hospital he was chatty and made jokes with me.

At home, he can barely manage to say a few words here and there. He seems to process info very slowly....... I think he is deeply depressed. .....So depressed that he is barely doing what a living person does each day.... The boyfriend expects the docs to put a PEG tube (feeding tube) in him soon because he won't eat.

Mari

I am so sorry you are going through this. Can you think of him as God's child and as God giving him the opportunity in his suffering? We are only human and can't see the full picture. It sounds as if he should be in a nursing home.
Bobby

I'm sorry too. I wish I knew what to say.

Please take care of yourself.

I think at this point a nursing home or assisted living place would be the best for him.

Saying a prayer.

Nikko