[rutro]

Howdy ya'll,
Let me introduce my self first. I'm a retired electrician. The Dr.s turned me out in 1996 after to many back problems. Fused at the neck and lumbar spine with every thing else in between going bad also. With pain meds I cope with it. My spouse is also retired and has a multiude of problems from Lupus and FM and all the bad things that go along with them.
She is also most certainly BP. I was ten years into this relationship before it dawned on me. This is the time of year when she realy has a bad time of it. She will not admit to the fact of being BP and instead denies it with a passion. She knows she has a problem but trys to make me the scape goat so to speak. When she is depressed it's my fault and all the problems in our lives are due to me. After the hollidays when she gets back on an even keel she will apoligize. Then everything will be OK for a while as long as I act as if nothing ever happened.

I don't know how to get her to go get the help she needs. After a near devorce several years ago she agreed to talk to a therapest but when she went she never made it past the receptionest. They did not accept her insurance and she would not pay up front.
We are full time RV'ers and now I'm at my Dads helping him through a surgery and she's 500 miles away at the coast in the RV with the holliday blues giving me what for long distance and by email.
I guess I just needed to get that off my chest. But I realy wish someone could tell me how to help her.

[bizi]

good morning and welcome.
Your marriage sounds very challenging.
Have you considered trying a marriage counselor where the both of you go in to talk.
She sounds like she is in denial and scared....have you ever asked her to talk about the marriage?
Does she think anything is wrong?
I am sorry that things are hard for you...
You sound like you have some chronic pain issues of which there is a chronic pain forum here ...look under the forum list at the start of these forums.
bizi

[rutro]

I've never thought about a marage counselor. She is very willing to talk right now, as long as it's about my problems. I'm a reader, sometimes I get into a good book and read for several hours. She has decided that I'm depressed because I read so much. In fact I just love to read. She got on this kick year before last and told out new family Dr. this and the next thing I knew he was doing a depression eval and asking me all the standard questions, doing a complete work up. Started writeing me scripts for several meds, antidepresants, and telling me that one in particular would realy help my sex life ect. That's when I snaped and asked him what the deal was. I had to find a Dr. because of that.

She's told me about these episodes before when she starts saying things she dosen't realy mean, but it's like someone else is saying them and she can't stop even though she knows it's not right.

She knows there is a problem. It's that she's smart enough to keep the pertanant info from the Dr. Our family M.D. was her choice to talk to when she had a bad spell last year and did some things that just about ran me off. He had her answer the question sheet for BP. He said if she had answered one more question correctly it would have been a positive enough responce for him to say "Yes" you are Bipolar. Well I know she read these questions and did this of a purpose. She told me once that some one in the family was "crazy" and wanted me to know she was afraid to talk to a therapst because "what if I'm realy crazy?"
I mean what do you say?
When she starts rapid cycling it can be un-nerving to see her be so sweet and loveing and turn around and in the same breath trun into the wicked witch of the west. She has no friends because of me? She's taking an antidepresant plus Adderall because of one Dr. she told about sleeping all the time. Diagnosed her with ADD and chronic fatigue to justify it. So now most of the time she's hypomanic (sp?) until the holidays roll around.

My self, chronic pain issues? You bet, been there done that. They have on Methadone therapy. The best thing that has happened in a while. Takes care of the pain but does not put me down all wall eyed and goofy. In fact just the oposite, I'm able to enjoy doing things I had given up on not to long ago. Not a cure but much better than thinking about calling ol'Dr. Kavorkian if ya know what I mean.

[Mari]

Originally Posted by rutro

I She's taking an antidepresant plus Adderall because of one Dr. she told about sleeping all the time. Diagnosed her with ADD and chronic fatigue to justify it. So now most of the time she's hypomanic (sp?) until the holidays roll around.

My self, chronic pain issues? You bet, been there done that. They have on Methadone therapy. The best thing that has happened in a while. Takes care of the pain but does not put me down all wall eyed and goofy. In fact just the oposite, I'm able to enjoy doing things I had given up on not to long ago. Not a cure but much better than thinking about calling ol'Dr. Kavorkian if ya know what I mean.

Hi,
Welcome.
That's good that your need for pain meds is being met. I hope that you continue to feel that you are on the right side of the pain.

Your wife's dr is an idiot. The dr himself dx'd her as borderline BP and then puts her on an anti-depressant???!!!! Jerk. And the ritalin should not be given until the other meds are helping the patient be stable.

BP is not about being crazy --- those are other diagnoses. BP is about having difficulties with mood. Maybe it would help your wife to see it like that. I would not agree to go to marriage counseling unless she went to a pyschiatrist for a complete evaluation. And I might insist that I got to talk to the pyschaitrist too.
If, god forbid, she had a physical condition that she was ignoring and that was making your lives miserable, would that be acceptable????
She needs to take responsibility.

Google The National Alliance on Mental Illness for lots of information for family members like you. They even have meetings in towns all over the country to provide info and support.

Good luck.
M.

[Dmom3005]

Mari is so right.

I have no real answers but I'm a good listener.

Donna

[Mrs. Bear]

Hi!

Honey, until your wife wants help, she won't accept it. You need to take care of your needs right now.

If she won't go to therapy, you go for yourself. Do it in order to keep yourself well and whole and most of all, do it because you love yourself.

Obviously, you love your wife dearly. Hold on to her, weather this storm and fight for her. It's hard, but you can do it.

[mollymcn]

Please know that mentally ill people can't "take responsibility" because denial of their condition is a symptom of the disease. There is an excellent book that will give you some support and ideas called I am not sick I don't need help http://www.amazon.com/not-sick-dont-.../dp/0967718929
Book Reviewshttp://www.vidapress.com/INSIDNH-Main.htm#reviews

I read Dr. Amador’s book and felt better. First, he concretely and understandably establishes that most denials of treatment are but manifestations of the illness and that it is the illness that is the enemy. Dr. Amador then presents a powerful game plan for penetrating, or at least circumventing, sickness induced lack of insight that will maximize the cooperation with treatment of those affected. When I first became ill, I wish this book had been in the hands of someone who cared about me.

[Nikko]

Welcome......



Nikko

[rutro]

Thanks so much for the replys and kind words everyone.
I just got through setting up with my Dad last night after a bad reaction to some meds they were giving him after surgery. He thought the aliens had landed. He was afraid he'd had a stroke and I was too when I talked to him. So this morning I learned a new word, Hospitle Psychosis. I'm bringing him home tomorrow and that will help I know.
I'm so glad I finaly posted here, lurked about on and off for a while. Things would level back out and I would loose the address. Now I'm wondering why I waited so long. I've seen these websites that say they can tell you exactly what to say to someone to stop a BP episode and such ..... how to do this and that and just send X-amount of $$ .... well I hope I'm more intelegent than that, but some times you can get so desperate that it almost sounds like the thing to do. I guess perhaps there is probably something to such claims. Some times when the wife starts into a down cycle I can tell by the phrases she will use and if I catch it just right and say "you're not going to start that again are you" with a very calm and straight face and just go on about my business she will snap out of it. But this does not always work. Or if I'm having a bad day and don't realise what she's doing then I can just as easily say the wrong thing and unintentionaly set her off. Is that making any sense? I've read everything I can get my hands on almost. The problem is she won't read. She says if she reads it just make her go to sleep.
Mrs. Bear you are so right, I realy do love her very much. I am amazed that I've never considered going to therapy myself because to be truthfull there are times I've wondered about my own sanity durring these episodes. It can be more than just a little rough sometimes.
Mollymcn thank you for that insight and the reference, I'm pretty sure I've seen that book in our library down south. The little town we winter in has a very large population of snow birds every winter. They utulize the public library and also donate quite a few books too.

[Nikko]

Hi,
I am happy that your pain meds are working. I too had a c-spine 2 level fusion with plate and screws and lumbar surgery. I know what you are going through as far as physical pain.

Is there any way you could get your wife to go to a p-doc? Maybe you could go with her for moral support.
Sounds like she really needs a mood stablizer like Lamictal.
Finding out you are BP isn't easy, but once your medication kicks in, you come to terms with it, and feel better, and realize why did I wait so long, or why didn't other Dr's see this. That is only my story. They always had me diagnosed as severe clinical depression and only giving me AD"s which is also true.

Since she denies BP, maybe you could suggest going for depression or anxiety to get her there, that usually goes along with BP in some cases.

Wishing you luck. Keep posting, it's theraputic for you.

Nikko