[waves]

I am tired of this.

Sick. And. Tired.

I don't feel my meds are doing much, most of them.

Every time i try to "do something" - like get a job, i can't hold it coz i freak out. tell me, after 4 years, what the hell use is this therapy, between meds and talk???? pdoc will be another thread.

Recently, I ran out of Depakote - had to halve the last two doses. i have been having nerve pain so had taken some Neurontin anyway... so i killed two birds with one stone and brought the dose up to a seizure-protective dosage to cover me as the Depakote left the system (I am still taking the Neurontin for now).

So i go a few days like this. Without the nerve pain due to the Neurontin.

Ok, so now, I can feel only pain from tenseness in the muscles in my back. I clench my teeth so bad. That's the Zoloft. And I don't know that it's helping that much... any more. i've been more like a depressed shakenbake lately... hello rapid cycling? And come to think of it, one week i saw my therapist i was actually sightly hypo - but do you think it occurred to him about the Zoloft.... ok so that's next on the taper list.

The lamictal, and my benzo i will keep until after i see how i am with that. The Neurontin can be tapered easily... when it stops helping with the pain, i will do so. it isn't useful in bipolar, per se.

But you wanna know what's funny? I've been on Neurontin for a week now, it's my PMS week... and so far... no migraine. Not time for the "biggie" yet... so jury's still out on that. I did have terrible light sensitivity and even mild palinopsia yesterday. So i will keep that up through this cycle just to see if i get the migraine.

I see a NEURO on 22 Jan anyway. For the change in patterns in my migraines and other headaches (probably due to the stupid muscular/skeletal stuff i will be having pt for... sheesh) and visual disturbances. he will know all my meds and may want to change things anyway.

meanwhile away with whatever i can do away with.

~ waves ~ from across the ocean